CHATTER

SARAH THE SCOUNDREL

2009-09-28T21:54:00.000-05:00

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin is about to become an author. Her memoir is “Going Rogue: An American Life.”

According to Politico:

Publication is being moved up from spring to Nov. 17 in order to catch the holiday book-buying season. The former Alaska governor has been in huge demand as a speaker, and continues to harvest a bounty of media attention.

A mammoth first printing of 1.5 million copies has been ordered — the same first run as “True Compass,” the memoir of the late Sen. Edward M. Kennedy.

Palin had a deadline of Sept. 15 for her manuscript and turned it in a bit early. Copy-editing and fact-checking are now underway in a race to meet the crash publishing schedule, which has been accelerated four or five months because of the huge anticipated demand.

Going rogue, is she? Do you think she understands the definition of the word "rogue"?

–noun
1. a dishonest, knavish person; scoundrel.
2. a playfully mischievous person; scamp: The youngest boys are little rogues.
3. a tramp or vagabond.
4. a rogue elephant or other animal of similar disposition.
5. Biology. a usually inferior organism, esp. a plant, varying markedly from the normal.
–verb (used without object)
6. to live or act as a rogue.
–verb (used with object)
7. to cheat.
8. to uproot or destroy (plants, etc., that do not conform to a desired standard).
9. to perform this operation upon: to rogue a field.
–adjective
10. (of an animal) having an abnormally savage or unpredictable disposition, as a rogue elephant.
11. no longer obedient, belonging, or accepted and hence not controllable or answerable; deviating, renegade: a rogue cop; a rogue union local.

Ever the maverick, you betcha.

RETURN OF PEE-WEE

2009-09-28T21:14:00.000-05:00

The mid- to late-80s: We remember it well, especially Saturday mornings, when we'd stumble downstairs, plop onto the purple leather couch and fire up the tube to watch the best kids show to ever hit TV.

The creator of that show now plots a comeback. One question: Will Cowboy Curtis return with that magnificent hair?

COME SEE THE SQUID

2009-09-22T23:03:00.000-05:00

Wake the kids, pack the car and go west, young man. Squid on the beach.

The Oregonian has the story:

"I haven't confirmed it, but we are hearing reports that dozens are washing up," said Chris Havel, spokesman for the Oregon State Parks & Recreation Department. "They are probably Humboldt squid, which are much more common in warmer waters around Santa Cruz."

The squid are about two feet long, and have a life cycle of only a year or two, Havel said. They may be dying because they are at the end of their life cycle or it could be food related or a disease, he said.

"If you get a chance, go look at them," said Havel, who suggested Washburne State Park would be a good starting point. "Bring your camera, take some pictures. This may be your only chance to see a Humboldt squid lying on the beach."

Or you can check out this pic of said squid and freak out.

DESTRUCTION AS ART

2009-09-19T18:52:00.000-05:00

Who knew fire could be so cool? Click here to watch the vid in HD.

ELVIS PRESLEY, PART II

2009-06-25T20:15:00.003-05:00

Michael Jackson's death has the cable pundits speculating on parallels between the King of Pop and the Queen of Pulp, Anna Nicole Smith. Both so sad, the talking heads say. Both so alike.

Gah. Let the heads blather with their short-term memory. Jackson's death is simply Elvis Presley, Part Two. We have a Memphis newspaper from Aug. 17, 1977, the morning after Presley literally left the building. The early word then was that Presley died of a heart attack. Heart just stopped. Nothing to see here, so take care of your own business and move along.

Hindsight gives us the real story -- Presley keeling off the toilet, colon clogged from too many years relying on a bad diet of fatty foods and tasty prescription pills. "Cardiac arrest" was only the technical cause of death, and there was nothing natural about why Presley's heart stopped after a brief 42 years.

Michael Jackson died Thursday of cardiac arrest at 50. Another ticker technicality. In recent years, Jackson admitted under oath that he'd replaced Bubbles the Chimp with a new monkey, this one biting into the back of his neck thanks to doctors willing to write 'scripts to a musical genius. No useless filler, like those pesky street bags of smack. Only the best legal high for pop-culture royalty.

Friends say Jackson was clean and working hard, preparing for his ironically named "This Is It" concert tour. The tox reports may show nothing acute. The damage was chronic.

The thirty and fortysomethings are freaked out tonight, just like our older siblings and parents were when Elvis died. And like Godfather II, EP2 is better than the original. Elvis could sing and swivel, but he couldn't write a decent song. MJ walked around with "Beat It" and "Billie Jean" percolating in his head. He was the most magnificent entertainer in the last half of the last century, and maybe that's why he was such a freak. Great genius, great madness. A thinner line than the one separating love and hate.

Elvis Part II is a story so massive, MTV broke format on Thursday and started playing Michael Jackson videos. Imagine -- videos on MTV. If that's what it takes, get Madonna on an experimental plane, stat.

FRANCISCO FRANCO'S TESTICLE IS STILL DEAD, TOO

2009-05-17T22:54:00.003-05:00

Spanish dictator Francisco Franco had one testicle.

Australia's News.com reports:

It is believed his loss stemmed from a war injury in 1916 when Franco was wounded during battle at El Biutz, near Ceuta, which today is a Spanish enclave on the Moroccan Mediterranean coast.

On June 28-29, 1916, Franco, then a captain, led an attack in the region which was then a Spanish protectorate and was hit in his lower abdomen and seriously wounded.

The paper, citing several authors of Franco biographies, added that such an injury would have affected Franco's reproductive organs and made him sterile.

Some of us are not too young to get the joke.

DON'T LOOK BACK IN ANGER

2009-05-17T20:59:00.001-05:00

Time to dance.

UNIQUE, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE

2009-04-28T09:39:00.003-05:00

Work e-mail includes unintentionally hilarious line:

Brian Wismer is a multi-faceted unique entertainer formally trained by Ringling Bros., making him an event personality who's one of a kind and often compared to Robin Williams or Jim Carrey.

Unlike Jim Carrey, Brian Wismer is getting work.

CROSS PLATFORM DRESSING

2009-04-21T23:28:00.000-05:00

This is a test of the Touch to Blogger tiny keyboarding system. For now, this is only a test.

Man, this little keyboard bites.

-- Via Touch

AKIKO HIRATA, 81

2009-04-03T10:47:00.003-05:00

The matriarch of the CHATTER typing clan died Monday, March 30. She was diagnosed with lung cancer last summer.

A service will be held at 1 p.m. Saturday at Pershing Memorial Hospital in Brookfield, Mo., where Mom worked for many years.

Many people in Brookfield knew her by her American name, Jo Ann Davis. Everyone knew her as a big heart inside a tiny body.

It'll be OK. She said so herself.

NATASHA RICHARDSON, 45

2009-03-18T19:10:00.002-05:00

The actress died Wednesday, according to WCBS:

"Liam Neeson, his sons, and the entire family are shocked and devastated by the tragic death of their beloved Natasha. They are profoundly grateful for the support, love and prayers of everyone, and ask for privacy during this very difficult time."

Richardson died of an apparent head injury from a skiing accident.

SNIFFING DRANO, MAKING METH

2009-03-18T09:20:00.003-05:00

Police in Buford, Ark., bust an 18-year-old who'd allegedly been sniffing Drano and guzzling booze. Too bad he forgot about the handwritten meth recipe -- and crystal-making ingredients -- also in the house.

From the KSPR story:

A sheriff's deputy says Ball was "huffing Drano and consuming a large amount of alcohol."

"While at the residence, which belongs to the man’s parents who assisted with the investigation, the deputy observed several substances commonly used in the manufacturing of methamphetamine, as well as a handwritten 'recipe' for cooking methamphetamine," the Baxter County Sheriff's Office said in a news release.

Huffing Drano?

CAUGHT UP IN MADNESS

2009-03-06T09:36:00.004-06:00

Springfield police are looking for a teen who's reportedly tagging downtown businesses.

From the cops:

The damage is the result of a suspect(s) tagging businesses with the words KEY, BOBE or KSB. The suspect(s) is using either black spray paint, or white shoe polish or marker, to tag the outside of businesses. Investigators do not believe that the tagging represents any gang affiliation. Investigators believe the suspect(s) have been involved in 22 incidents of property damage. Most of the incidents occurred in January and February.

At least he's not painting "CUIM" on buildings. Caught Up In Madness, indeed.

Police say the tagger is a teen, between 5'-8" and 5'-11", weighing 135-150 pounds. Got a clue? Call the cops at (417) 869-TIPS.

POOR STEPHENS WOMEN

2009-03-06T09:29:00.001-06:00

The Columbia, Mo., school plans to shut down two dorms next year. A hundred women -- and 40 pets -- will be displaced, according to The Associated Press:

The work at Searcy and Prunty halls will cause a temporary shuffle that will displace about 100 students and roughly 40 pets.

The residents will live in other dorms, but where the pets will go is unclear. The two dorms are the only ones on campus that allow pets.

Oh, the humanity. And the students, too.

CHILLING CHIMP READ

2009-03-02T21:44:00.002-06:00

The April 2009 issue of Esquire includes a story by Rich Schapiro. It's about a man attacked by chimps in 2005.

Here's a graf from the Esquire piece:

There's a two-inch hole in the heel of his swollen left foot, and he is confined to a wheelchair. He has no nose, only a red, raw, exposed septum, surrounded by narrow openings. At the top are three tiny magnets designed to hold in place a crude silicone prosthesis, which is constantly falling off. His right eye is gone, replaced with glass. The skin on his face droops like candle wax because so many bones around his cheeks and eyes were broken. His mouth, which has been completely reconstructed, is stuck in a frown. On his left hand, his index, middle, and ring fingers are stumps. His right hand is much worse. He has a misshapen hunk of flesh for a thumb, which appears as if it were lumped onto his wrist with clay. His index and middle fingers are gone; his ring finger and pinkie are immobile.

The piece's title? "The Worst Story I Ever Heard." It'll keep you up.

ROCKY MOUNTAIN NEWS, 149

2009-02-26T18:31:00.002-06:00

Two months shy of its 150th anniversary, the Colorado newspaper announces its own death:

Rich Boehne, chief executive officer of Rocky-owner Scripps, broke the news to the staff at noon (Thursday), ending nearly three months of speculation over the paper's future.

"People are in grief," Editor John Temple said at a news conference later.

Boehne told staffers that the Rocky was the victim of a terrible economy and an upheaval in the newspaper industry.

"Denver can't support two newspapers any longer," Boehne told staffers, some of whom cried at the news. "It's certainly not good news for you, and it's certainly not good news for Denver."

Reaction came from across the nation and around the block.

"The Rocky Mountain News has chronicled the storied, and at times tumultuous, history of Colorado for nearly 150 years. I am deeply saddened by this news, and my heart goes out to all the talented men and women at the Rocky," U.S. Sen. Michael Bennet said in a statement. "I am grateful for their hard work and dedication to not only their profession, but the people of Colorado as well."

The last issue of the paper is Friday.

Founded in 1859 by William Byers, the Rocky won four Pulitzers in the past decade.

MOURN THE CHRON

2009-02-25T08:50:00.002-06:00

This is the year daily newspapering descends into a coma. This week the Philadelphia Inquirer went bankrupt. Now, word of two significant dailies possibly going nips-up. As Reuters reports:

San Francisco may lose its main newspaper, the San Francisco Chronicle, as owner Hearst Corp cuts a "significant" number of jobs and decides whether to shut or sell the money-losing daily. The privately held New York-based publisher already is considering shutting a second West Coast paper, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, in the face of a devastating decline in advertising revenue and big losses.

Wingnuts on both fringes will cheer the decline of American newspapering. They will realize, too late, that killing the tree means no fruit for anyone.

FOUR YEARS GONE

2009-02-20T20:45:00.002-06:00

Hunter S. Thompson killed himself on Feb. 20, 2005. No sense mentioning the bats.

The Edge ... There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over. The others -- the living -- are those who pushed their luck as far as they felt they could handle it, and then pulled back, or slowed down, or did whatever they had to when it came time to choose between Now and Later. But the edge is still Out there. Or maybe it's In.

Some may never live, but the crazy never die.

SOCKS, 19

2009-02-20T20:21:00.003-06:00

The cat that lived in the White House during the Clinton Administration died Friday. WCSH reports:

Socks had been suffering from cancer of the jaw. The cat lived in Washington with (Bill) Clinton's former White House secretary, Betty Currie.

Socks was the grand marshal of a parade in 2002, and was a fixture on the White House lawn with Buddy, the Clintons' dog.

Curry said she planned to have Socks cremated.

RIP, kitty.

WEAVE SAVES THE DAY

2009-02-19T09:25:00.002-06:00

Story o' the day, courtesy of The Associated Press and KSHB-TV:

Kansas City police say a woman's tightly-woven hair weave probably saved her life. KSHB-TV reports that the woman's boyfriend fired a shot through the back window of a car late last night. Police say the woman's hair weave stopped the bullet, and she wasn't hurt.

Yet another reason to salute the weave.

TRAVIS GOING APE

2009-02-17T22:31:00.003-06:00

More on Monday's chimpanzee attack that nearly killed a woman.

Travis was the chimp. His owner was Sandra Herold. He attacked Herold's friend, Charla Nash.

From The Associated Press, these new details:

In recordings of calls to 911 dispatchers released Tuesday, Travis' grunts can be heard as a frantic Herold cries that her pet is "eating" Nash and must be killed. The attack lasted about 12 minutes.

"The chimp killed my friend!" says a sobbing Herold, who was hiding in her vehicle. "Send the police with a gun. With a gun!"

The dispatcher later asks, "Who's killing your friend?"

"My chimpanzee!" she cries. "He ripped her apart! Shoot him, shoot him!"

After police arrive, one officer radios back: "There's a man down. He doesn't look good," he says, referring to Nash (a woman). "We've got to get this guy out of here. He's got no face."

Travis brushed daily with a Water Pik and knew how to use the toilet. In the end, he was still a chimp.

VOTE EARLY, OFTEN

2009-02-17T21:59:00.004-06:00

Nominations are posted for this year's Blogaroni Awards, the local equivalent of nothing else in the known universe.

This Simple Thoughts post has the contenders.

CHATTER and its bastard stepchild blog have five nominations, all in the Blog Post of the Year category.

We're partial to a couple of things written (as opposed to typed) this year -- this piece from last January about the presidential candidates and their oh-so-sexy natures; and this column from June about slogan-happy voters.

So if you're a local blogger and have the super-secret access code, zip over to this site and vote.

Congrats to all, luck to all.

SUBSTITUTE FROM A GROUP HOME

2009-02-17T21:28:00.003-06:00

A couple weeks ago at a South Bend, Ind., middle school, students acted like they were fighting -- for at least seven minutes, because that's the length of a student-shot video that was posted for a short time on YouTube.

According to the South Bend Tribune, there's a good reason the teacher let the students roughhouse in class:

[T]he substitute lives in a local home for people with chronic mental illness. The residents have bedrooms, eat meals together and enter the community daily on their own. She moved into a home like this in 1999.

She says she was diagnosed with paranoia. At age 60, she also touts a master’s degree. She has experience teaching in the classroom ...

The sub never told the district about her mental illness, though she worked in South Bend schools for more than a decade. The district never asked. It fired the substitute after the YouTube video surfaced.

The student who shot the video -- most likely on a cell phone -- is suspended; the school principal wants him expelled. Cell phones are prohibited in middle school.

WAS HIS LAST NAME BICKLE?

2009-02-17T08:51:00.003-06:00

A pet chimpanzee attacks a woman he's known for years, tearing off her face and then attacking a cop.

Travis, 14, was shot dead Monday in Stamford, Conn.

The New York Times tells it this way:

The woman, Charla Nash, 55, a friend of the chimpanzee’s owner, was being treated at Stamford Hospital and might not survive, the authorities said. ...

The attack, in the driveway of a sprawling home in a densely wooded neighborhood on the north side of Stamford, also brought a brutal end to the life of the chimpanzee, Travis, 14, a popular figure in town who had appeared in television commercials and often posed for photographs at the towing shop operated by his owners. He had escaped before, and in 2003 playfully held up traffic at a busy intersection for several hours, but had no history of violence, the authorities said. Travis’s social skills included drinking wine from a stemmed glass, dressing and bathing himself and using a computer.

Travis’s owner, Sandra Herold, 70, had raised him almost as one of her own children, but found herself lunging at him with a butcher knife on Monday to protect Ms. Nash ...

A police officer shot Travis after he opened the car door and attacked the cop.

KEY OF THE BOTTOMLESS PIT

2009-02-16T20:53:00.003-06:00

For a little night reading, few things are better than Revelation. Acid without the blotter's metallic aftertaste, and just as challenging.

And the kings of the earth, and the great men, and the rich men, and the chief captains, and the mighty men, and every bondman, and every free man, hid themselves in the dens and in the rocks of the mountains;

And said to the mountains and rocks, Fall on us, and hide us from the face of him that sitteth on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb:

For the great day of his wrath is come; and who shall be able to stand?

Just wait till the wormwood hits the river. You'll be begging for a flaying.

STIMULATE THIS

2009-02-16T20:39:00.002-06:00

A Rasmussen poll shows people in a muddle about the stimulus package that President Obama signs into law on Tuesday.

Not quite four in 10 Americans (38%) think the plan will help the economy. Almost three in 10 (29%) think it'll hurt. Another 24 percent don't think it'll do much of either.

Some money grafs:

Middle-income Americans are more likely to believe the bill will hurt rather than help. Those with incomes below $40,000 or above $100,000 are more optimistic.

By a 49% to 24% margin, government employees believe the stimulus plan will help the economy. Private sector workers are evenly divided. Investors are less optimistic than non-investors.

Fifty percent (50%) of voters believe the bill consists primarily of new government spending while 31% believe it is primarily a mix of new spending and tax cuts. Only eight percent (8%) think the legislation consists primarily of tax cuts. According to news reports, the stimulus plan is made up of $281 billion in tax cuts for individuals and businesses and over $500 billion in new government spending.

Half of the electorate buys a too-simple talking point peddled on talk radio. Next thing you know, someone's going to claim that millions of Americans don't believe in evolution. Great.

DISSING GOD, VERMONT STYLE

2009-02-16T20:25:00.003-06:00

A Gallup poll shows a state-by-state breakdown of belief in religion, and Vermont is in trouble if there's really a lake of fire.

According to the poll, only 42 percent of people in Vermont say religion is an important part of their lives.

In case you're wondering:

-- Missouri ranked 15th in the nation in religious belief. Almost seven in 10 Missourians -- 68 percent, to be precise -- said religion is important in their lives.

-- In Arkansas, 78 percent of people professed to be true believers.

-- For all the hype, godless California ain't so godless. Fifty-seven percent of Californians gave a fervent shout-out to Big G, who has already returned the favor.

Proclaiming the importance of religion to a pollster doesn't guarantee accuracy, but the poll is worth some thinking.

THE SOUND OF ONE HAND

2009-02-06T19:55:00.002-06:00

The Passion for Christ Movement has given us a great gift idea for Christmas 2009.

Order this shirt and wear it proudly. Give yourself a hand.

WHEN HAMSTERS GO BAD

2009-02-04T22:51:00.002-06:00

Bravo to the anchor for keeping it together.

PETA PORN

2009-01-28T19:47:00.001-06:00

PETA -- People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals -- says it wanted to run this ad during the Super Bowl. NBC censors apparently said no way.

Who's right? Watch the ad and decide for yourself.

'Veggie Love': PETA's Banned Super Bowl Ad

KNOW THY OPPONENT

2009-01-06T20:49:00.003-06:00

Barack Obama gets a new limousine on Jan. 20. This, of course, gives racists and their fellow travelers the green light to make tired jokes.

Witness this Free Republic thread about the new president's limousine, and how it's viewed by the mouth-breathers on the fringe right. One Freeper called Obama's inauguration:

oh.. .you mean the pimp 'n ho ball in washdc on jan 20?

Yeah. Stay classy, Free Republic.

CHANGE IS COMING

2009-01-05T22:46:00.001-06:00

To a blog near you. We'll update you in the next day or so about a shift in the way we do blogging 'round these parts.

BETTIE PAGE, 85

2008-12-11T22:31:00.004-06:00

Legendary pinup. Died Thursday night in Los Angeles, where she had been on life support since a Dec. 2 heart attack.

The Los Angeles Times reports:

"Bettie Page captured the imagination of a generation of men and women with her free spirit and unabashed sensuality," said Roesler, chairman of the Indianapolis-based CMG Worldwide, who was at Page's side when she died. "She was a dear friend and a special client and one of the most beautiful and influential women of the 20th century."

A religious woman in her later life, Page was mystified by her influence on modern popular culture. "I have no idea why I'm the only model who has had so much fame so long after quitting work," she said in an interview with The Times in 2006.

She had one request for that interview: that her face not be photographed.

"I want to be remembered," she said, "as I was when I was young and in my golden times. ... I want to be remembered as the woman who changed people's perspectives concerning nudity in its natural form."

The best way to be remembered.

ENIGMATIC BLISS

2008-12-10T21:10:00.004-06:00

Marissa Whitley's blog is subtitled "The Life and Times of a Has-Been Beauty Queen." She shouldn't be so hard on herself.

Click the link to find Enigmatic Bliss. It's also added to the CHATTERWORTHY blogroll (or will be, when Blogrolling comes off the sick list).

Enigmatic Bliss, and the writer, are keepers.

NEWS-LEADER CUTS 19

2008-12-03T12:26:00.003-06:00

That's about seven percent of the workforce on Boonville Avenue, according to the paper.

Who got the knife? You tell us.

By the way, current and former Gannettoids are discussing the companywide cuts at this blog. Things are tough all over, Stimpy.

INK-STAINED WRETCHES, MOURNED

2008-12-01T19:30:00.000-06:00

We may live long enough to see the extinction of the daily newspaper. The thought evokes emotion but it doesn't bring joy.

Revenues fall. Publishers and those who should know better react to reduced revenue by cutting staff and shrinking newshole. Smaller product interests fewer readers. Smaller circulation means less interest from advertisers. And so it keeps going.

Newspaper revs dropped by 18.1% in the third quarter, compared to the same period in 2007, according to the Newspaper Association of America. Media Post tells it this way:

On the print side, the news was bad across the board, with a 31% decline in classified revenue, an 11.7% decline in retail, and an 18.4% decline in national advertising. Within classified advertising, the automotive category was down 29.2%, real estate was down 38.6%, and employment was down 43.6%.

Thus, the employment category has almost pulled even with real estate in terms of actual dollar amounts lost year-over-year, with a decline of $385 million versus $395 million for real estate. The accelerating losses in both categories reflect the unfolding of the economic downturn, which began in the housing market before spreading to other sectors of the economy.

Online newspaper ad sales were down, too. Migrating to the Internet has not stopped the bleeding. This is black and white and red all over.

WORTH YOUR TIME

2008-12-01T19:14:00.000-06:00

People who hate The Media -- and to them it is a monolithic monster, worthy of proper name -- are sadly blinded to the best bits of an admittedly flawed profession. Hatred keeps them from seeing and appreciating storytelling at its best.

So they missed a helluva read in Sunday's New York Times about Gilberto Blanco, shot and killed by a cop outside a Brooklyn church.

Al Baker and Michael Wilson tell the tale and do it well. Two grafs to whet your appetite:

And so the details and echoes of a shooting are set to fade from the city’s memory. A man with no known criminal record and an otherwise invisible life as an immigrant worker is dead, at 46. The officer was treated briefly at a hospital and for the moment has been sidelined with administrative duties.

What was left to show for the last two years of Mr. Blanco’s life fit in a corner of a Bensonhurst apartment’s back room: two laundry bags, a duffel and a cardboard box of DVDs, magazines, a bottle of Old Spice and a toothbrush. He shared the tiny bedroom with a laborer from Guatemala, above a Chinese bakery on 18th Avenue. There was no room on the floor to walk when both of their twin mattresses were laid out. Mr. Blanco paid $225 a month. The people who owned the apartment said they had never learned his name.

Vivid, detailed. Great kicker grafs. Worth your eyeballs.

WINEHOUSE BEING WINEHOUSE

2008-11-25T21:58:00.000-06:00

Singer Amy Winehouse has made it back to her natural habitat. As Reuters reports:

The 25-year-old Grammy winner was admitted to a clinic after falling ill on Sunday and has been kept there for tests. Winehouse was taken to hospital for a similar complaint in July.

Winehouse reportedly "reacted badly to medication." We like the sound of that.

AFTER THE DELUGE

2008-11-03T22:06:00.003-06:00

Even the shouting is over, and for this we give thanks. The 527s focused a concentrated beatdown on Barack Obama in the final weekend before the election, but it all seemed forced, a rote throat ripping that did little more than nick the skin.

A couple weeks ago we said Obama would probably get 51 percent of the popular vote, and 338 electoral votes. Nothing has happened between now and then to change the perception.

There is always the chance that the expected Obama win will turn out to be the electoral version of Saddam's weapons of mass destruction -- all blow, no show. But "slim" would be a generous word to describe John McCain's chances of pulling off an upset. It could happen. It probably won't.

McCain supporters are especially fond of bringing up Dewey defeats Truman. Pollsters can indeed be wrong -- especially as they were in '48, when they stopped taking the public pulse a month before the election. No such luck this cycle.

Rational Republicans acted resigned on Monday (the irrational ones are fierce believers and can never be tugged from their convictions). A few voiced the expected fallback position -- economic doom if Obama is elected and taxes go up. It all sounded very familiar to late 1992 and early 1993, when Bill Clinton was a new Democratic president pushing for higher taxes for well-to-do Americans.

Back in those black-and-white days, not one Republican voted for Clinton's deficit-reduction bill. Not one. They said taxing the upper class would send this country into a depression. They were wrong then, a fact to consider when they try to tell us that the sky will soon fall.

PALIN BY COMPARISON

2008-10-30T22:23:00.003-05:00

Late Thursday, and the latest New York Times poll is out. Sen. Barack Obama maintains his apparent lead over Sen. John McCain (51-40 among likely voters in a head-to-head battle; 52-39 when third-party candidates are included). And the news for McCain goes downhill from there.

The poll also indicates Gov. Sarah Palin has become a millstone around McCain's neck. A couple interesting grafs to share:

Nearly a third of voters polled said that the vice-presidential selection would be a major factor influencing their vote for president, and those voters broadly favored Senator Barack Obama. ...

While a majority viewed Ms. Palin as unqualified for the vice presidency, about three quarters of voters saw Mr. Obama’s running mate, Senator Joseph R. Biden Jr. of Delaware, as qualified for the job. The increase in the number of voters who said that Ms. Palin was not prepared was driven almost entirely by Republicans and independents.

Overall, views of Ms. Palin were apparently shaped more by ideology and party than by gender. Ms. Palin was viewed as unprepared for the job by about 6 in 10 men and women alike. But 8 in 10 Democrats viewed her as unprepared, as well as more than 6 in 10 independents, and 3 in 10 Republicans.

You know you're in trouble when 30 percent of your party thinks your veep pick is inadequate. What seemed daring a month ago now looks desperate. But Sarah Palin is no Dan Quayle. She'll be back.

HE'S SUCH A MASH

2008-10-30T20:00:00.002-05:00

Just in time for trick-or-treaters, the bad-ass known as Desdinova has re-posted his list of the Top 50 Halloween songs.

With a purposeful grimace and a terrible sound, it's time to put on some BOC and mourn the loss of Tokyo. Happy Boo Year's Eve.

OBAMA RETURNING TO SPRINGFIELD

2008-10-29T23:08:00.004-05:00

The Democratic presidential nominee was here last summer. Late Wednesday, word trickled out that Barack Obama would make a return visit to Springfield on Saturday night.

No official word yet on where. But the visit raises a few questions:

--Does Obama feel so comfortable about his chances in other swing states that he believes he can spend last-minute time in a region where he is almost certain to lose? The last Democratic presidential nominee to win Greene County was Lyndon Johnson in 1964.

--What are Republicans thinking? A bigfoot Dem is invading their turf on the Saturday before the election, tromping on their two-yard line.

--What's it mean, gentle reader?

You tell us.

THE KHALIDI CON

2008-10-28T23:15:00.004-05:00

Barack Obama's friendship with Rashid Khalidi is no surprise, even though it is October. The frantic right wing of the GOP wants to turn that friendship into a last-play game changer that propels John McCain and Sarah Palin to a destiny that is not dusty.

Before Tuesday you will hear more than you ever thought possible about Khalidi and how he ties in to scoundrel William Ayers, the former bomber linked to Obama in a convoluted political version of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. Added bonus: Media cover-up! Stop the presses! Roll the breaking news animation! Newsteam, assemble!

The conservative media and its pundits are acting like they've hooked King Kahuna. They see Khalidi as the best way to turn niggling doubts about Barack Obama's unusual name and heritage into fear. To them, because Khalidi is pro-Palestinian and a critic of Israel, he's a scary bad man who might hurt you and everything you love, including your country, the flag, apple pie and that new song by Pink.

And right there with the terrorists/guys with weird names is the evil media, covering up the secret ties between Obama and Khalidi because reporters are having Obamagasms at the thought of a black Democrat in the White House.

Listen to the right's latest shout: The Los Angeles Times is trying to suppress proof that Obama and Khalidi are thisclose. The proof is a videotape of a dinner, five years ago, where Obama paid tribute to Khalidi and his wife.

The McCain camp says the Times is "intentionally suppressing information that could provide a clearer link between Barack Obama and Rashid Khalidi."

National Review pants over the Times' "refusal" to hand over the tape.

The Times has a copy of the vid and won't hand it over to the demanders. That's absolutely true. But how does everyone know the Times has the tape? Because the newspaper already told us what's on it.

The Times published a long story about Obama's friendship with Khalidi. It's been out there since April. You can read it right here. It's true: Google can be your friend.

The lede on that newspaper story comes from the video. So does this description of what Obama said:

A special tribute came from Khalidi's friend and frequent dinner companion, the young state Sen. Barack Obama. Speaking to the crowd, Obama reminisced about meals prepared by Khalidi's wife, Mona, and conversations that had challenged his thinking.

His many talks with the Khalidis, Obama said, had been "consistent reminders to me of my own blind spots and my own biases. ... It's for that reason that I'm hoping that, for many years to come, we continue that conversation -- a conversation that is necessary not just around Mona and Rashid's dinner table," but around "this entire world."

So clear now, eh? Obama is the Antichrist. Damn the Times for trying to cover up the Khalidi scandal and refusing to give the American people what they need in these last hours of Vote 2008 -- red meat to rip, and more political ads with grainy images of Men You Should Fear.

Another distraction in what's supposed to be an election about ideas, not innuendo. Meanwhile, the Phil Spector retrial starts Wednesday, and Court TV is sorely missed. Trial coverage on the rebranded truTV ends at 2 p.m. in the Midwest. Any hope of seeing Spector in all his glory, dashed.

PAPER PREPARES PRICE INCREASE

2008-10-28T07:39:00.003-05:00

Is the local newspaper worth 75 cents a pop?

We all get to find out Monday, when the News-Leader increases its single-copy price. If letters like this one are any indication, the paper's making a grab for the sliver of the wingnut audience that can read. Hope it works out for the typists on Boonville Avenue.

SCENE FROM A RALLY

2008-10-24T23:01:00.004-05:00

A huge crowd -- at least 10,000, and The Associated Press estimated twice that number -- turned out Friday to see Gov. Sarah Palin at Bass Pro Shops in Springfield.

Like all crowds, this one had all kinds. Most of them were there to rah-rah for the former cheerleader-turned-city manager-turned-nominee for vice president. Others were curious mellow, just out to see the show.

At least a couple were there because they believe in this:

She's no Nazi. A couple of her local supporters are. Such is life in the mighty-white Ozarks.

BLOGGING THE ELECTION

2008-10-21T22:15:00.003-05:00

The blogger known as Fat Jack has called the meeting. Local bloggers will gather at Patton Alley Pub at 7 p.m. Tuesday, Nov. 4, 2008, to do some live blogging.

Mainstream media alert: Patton Alley will be the place to be on Election Night. Only question still hanging: how early will the presidential race be called for Barack Obama? For the first time in two cycles and eight years, it looks like an early night for calling it.

This, of course, will give John McCain supporters an excuse to blame the mainstream media for the defeat of their candidate. Some things never change.

Post your Election Night predictions now. Popular vote percentages, electoral numbers, time the winner will be announced by the Big Three networks. We'll climb onto the limb first: 51-47 for Obama, 338-200, and 9:01 p.m. Central.

NEAL HEFTI, 85

2008-10-15T13:37:00.002-05:00

Composed the theme from the TV series "Batman." Also came up with themes for "The Odd Couple," "Barefoot in the Park."

He used to be a Big Band trumpeter. And he won a Grammy for the Batman theme. Truly, a blessed life.

FINAL DEBATE WINNERS

2008-10-14T22:32:00.002-05:00

With a little less than 24 hours to go before the final presidential debate of the 2008 season, we can be sure of certain things:

-- John McCain will huff and puff. He may bring up the Bill Ayers issue, as he threatened to do on Tuesday:

"You have another debate coming up. The final debate. Many of your supporters are eager for you to confront Senator Obama on the Bill Ayers relationship in particular. Hillary Clinton even brought this up during the primary. Sen. Obama says you should have the guts to do it in person. So will you?" McCain was asked by KMOX's Mark Reardon.

"Oh yeah," said McCain. "You know, I was astonished to hear him say that he was surprised for me to have the guts to do that. Because the fact is that the question did not come up in that fashion so -- you know -- I think he's probably ensured that it will come up this time."

But only if the moderator brings up the issue first. We think. Probably.

-- McCain will try to mute the manic. He must do this to even have a chance of winning. Barack Obama's biggest strength in the past two debates was his serious calm. He acted like a president; people could see him in that role. That put him on level ground with McCain.

-- Obama will do everything not to screw up. He's the only one who can lose this race. He's got to know there are millions of people looking for an excuse to opt-out of voting for Obama. Some don't like him because he's black. Some don't like him because he's got a thin resume. Some don't like him because he's the modern-era Slick Willie, always a little too smart for his own good. One false move by Obama on Wednesday and daylight will disappear between him and McCain.

-- Everyone will smile when it's over, and we will know nothing more of substance about either of the two men running to run our world. The debate commission should starts charging the candidates lowest-unit rate for the ad time. Viewers get talking points, burnished by months of stump time. Lots of sound, little fury. Maybe we should make then dance.

ONLY THE SHOUTING REMAINS

2008-10-07T00:26:00.000-05:00

A little less than a month before the presidential election and the result is already becoming clear -- Barack Obama is going to win. The latest polls show him hovering at or above the 50-percent mark, ahead of John McCain by a half-dozen points and winning the perception game. Many McCain supporters expect Obama to triumph, even though the feeling is acid to their intestines. Lost faith, abandoned hope.

Only a cataclysm -- the proverbial dead girl or live boy -- can keep Obama from winning on Nov. 4. He'll be nicked and bloodied plenty before the votes are cast, but McCain cannot stop him. Neither can Sarah Palin, no matter how loud her bark. Devoid of discussion about their plans for our future, the GOP ticket has been reduced to incessant yapping about the badness of their opponents. They are Bob Dole without the humor, Walter Mondale without the eloquence. All they can do is smile and bray and pretend the hurricane hammering the screen door is only a drizzle.

Pretending -- or, as they like to call it, creating a new reality, a master trick of this century's Republican Party. As one of President Bush's senior advisers said in 2002:

"[W]e create our own reality. And while you're studying that reality -- judiciously, as you will -- we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors ... and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do."

People attached to that "senior adviser" (read: Karl Rove) are now in John McCain's campaign posse; their greasy thumbprints are all over the place, instantly recognizable to the naked political eye.

They're rolling out the dogeared book of dirty tricks and pulling out their favorite reality changers. The biggest crowd-pleaser, naturally, involves demonizing The Media. Rolling Stone publishes a solid on McCain's unflattering past, but most conservatives won't bother to read it -- they're convinced the mainstream media is out to get their guy and his purty sidekick, dadgummit, so you can't believe anything The Media says.

This, of course, is a reliable hypocrisy from the camp that loves to hate. In their twist on twisted reality, The New York Times is a vile snakepit of liberal Obamabot liars, except when they write about Obama's connections to '60s radical William Ayers. That's when the Times is gospel money.

(One of our favorite conservative alternate-reality pranks is the "you won't see this in the mainstream media" snipe hunt. About once a month somebody will send an e-mail with a story or pictures about a heartwarming, positive story, datelined Iraq, with the header: You Won't See THIS In The Mainstream Media. The story, without fail, was written by The Associated Press and published across the country.)

The neo-reals have also uncorked the "some say" genie, a cousin to "fair and balanced." The latter claims "both sides" need to be heard, even if one side insists science is valid and the other clings to supernatural magic. Thank God the people who spew this line weren't reporting in 1945; they would have asked the Nazis for their side of the Holocaust -- you know, just to be fair and balanced.

Their "some say" attacks are clumsy but effective. "Some say Barack Obama is a Muslim." "Some say Obama is a sleeper agent for Al Qaeda." "Some say Obama is actually Osama bin Laden's second cousin, once removed." It might be bilge water, sure, but some say it's true, so why not have that debate? We don't expect McCain to go that far in his Tuesday debate with Obama, but anything is possible when a certifiably insane man runs for president. There could even be knives, though we suspect the debate commission will probably run both candidates through metal detectors before they take the stage.

McCain has no choice but to throw the long, noxious pass -- think of it as a Hail Mary stinkbomb. If it lands just right it will cover Obama in muck so deep and vile that every other Chicago politician will seem spotless by comparison. And even that might not be enough to stop Obama.

This is John McCain, distilled. Half a lifetime spent gladhanding and grinning, plotting and attaining, now reduced to one last gambit that probably won't work. Purgatory can be peculiar, especially in an unreal reality.

SARAH PALIN READS EVERYTHING

2008-09-30T19:54:00.003-05:00

Every newspaper, every magazine, every bit of journalism on the face of the planet. She said so herself, in an interview aired Tuesday on CBS.

An excerpt from the interview:

Couric: And when it comes to establishing your worldview, I was curious, what newspapers and magazines did you regularly read before you were tapped for this to stay informed and to understand the world?

Palin: I've read most of them, again with a great appreciation for the press, for the media.

Couric: What, specifically?

Palin: Um, all of them, any of them that have been in front of me all these years.

Couric: Can you name a few?

Palin: I have a vast variety of sources where we get our news, too. Alaska isn't a foreign country, where it's kind of suggested, "Wow, how could you keep in touch with what the rest of Washington, D.C., may be thinking when you live up there in Alaska?" Believe me, Alaska is like a microcosm of America.

Who's in charge of making sure Palin doesn't sound like a fool?

Oh, she's also pro-contraception, and says it doesn't matter what causes global warming, because "it's real; we need to do something about it." Something for everyone to criticize.

GHOSTS FROM BACK THERE

2008-09-27T09:39:00.000-05:00

Sen. Orrin Hatch of Utah wants everyone to donate $7 to stop Sen. Barack Obama from becoming president. Being the unimaginative sort, Hatch begs for bucks in a fundraising letter that epitomizes the problem with today's GOP -- it can't stop living in the past.

Writes Hatch:

You'd think it was the 1970s all over again.

Barack Obama is resurrecting Jimmy Carter's failed tax, energy and economic plans.

Iran is saber-rattling against the West.

And, Hanoi Jane Fonda is stumping for liberal Senate candidates.

That's right, tonight Jane Fonda and all of her far-left Hollywood liberal friends are expected to raise $1 million for Democrat Senate candidates with one goal in mind -- to break our Senate firewall and seize total control of our government!

"Everything now is 'Obama, Obama, Obama,' but we're also concerned about the Senate, which is critically important no matter who wins the White House. We need to give the Democrats a majority totaling at least 60 senators."

These Hollywood liberals understand the stakes. A 60-seat filibuster-proof super majority means conservatives would be powerless to stop the liberal agenda in the Senate.

Hollywood may not be on our side, but we have you.

Reds under Hollywood's beds, all that. Dusty bluster. No new ideas.

PAUL NEWMAN, 83

2008-09-27T09:27:00.000-05:00

Lung cancer claimed the actor's life on Saturday. The natural-born world-shaker now resides in memory.

WELCOME TO THE EVOLUTION

2008-09-14T21:17:00.004-05:00

Monday marks the 173rd anniversary of the fateful landing of the HMS Beagle on the Galápagos Islands. Aboard that day in 1835 was Charles Darwin, whose five-year journey would bring us natural selection and the rise of the neocreationists.

Monday will include a clearer picture of the messy natural selection well underway on Wall Street. Bank of America Corp. will buy Merrill Lynch & Co. for about $29 a share, according to The Wall Street Journal. BofA paid a premium, of course, because it's only money, scads of money. No one outside the loop understands how BofA, a company with declining profits and an albatross named Countrywide Financial in its portfolio, can afford to pay $29 a share for Merrill Lynch, a company trading at $17 a share on Friday. Such is the weekend deal.

Lehman Brothers is in the toilet. Washington Mutual and A.I.G. could be goners by the end of the week. Britain could soon slide into recession.

A "once-in-a-century" financial meltdown, Alan Greenspan says, and "it still has a way to go." Already a notch past the teeter stage, we've yet to see the bottom. Extinctions will continue.

We will evolve and the good guys will win. Now we wait for someone to win, so we can call them good.

WWET?

2008-09-12T23:43:00.002-05:00

What Would Eisenhower Think? By 11:45 p.m. Friday, Sept. 12, Hurricane Ike was acting more like this Ike, beating the daylights out of the best-laid plans.

And still the reporters journeyed into the wind and rain and lights, Murrowesque only in that this is real-life See It Now, a gathering of moths to the news flame.

We don't blame them; it's their kick-ass job. Wish we were there right now.

In lieu of that pleasure, it's Geraldo on the seawall, battling the surge for Fox. MSNBC has a crew at the wall, too, shooting a sat signal from a dish no bigger than a laptop. Photog was steady and dry inside the SUV. Reporter was the Brave Soul against The Elements. And the MSNBC signal didn't cut out like Geraldo's. Money, man. Bet Geraldo was pissed.

Anderson Cooper is waiting in Houston, sounding a little too eager when talking about flying shards of glass from high-rise buildings. Such is the price of fame.

LIKE 1968, ONLY BETTER

2008-09-12T23:01:00.002-05:00

Forty years ago. The Election of Attrition. A political year of blood and mayhem, with the pitiful survivors of November crawling into an arena frequented only months earlier by the stars of their sport. Lyndon Johnson took a powder. So did Robert Kennedy, literally. Nelson Rockefeller was figuratively killed by his party for being too liberal, too Happy.

Democrats were left to front Hubert Humphrey, the happy-faced, fast-talking vice president. Republicans backed Richard Nixon, a paranoid scowler who'd already blown one bid for the White House. Everyone else got George Wallace, a racist still unaware of the bullet and wheelchair in his future.

We flash forward to four decades later and the circle is closed. The best candidates -- at least on the Democratic bench -- are back to flipping impeachment burgers (Dennis Kucinich) and minding the Senate store (Chris Dodd, Hillary Clinton). The Republicans overlooked an optimist and a Mormon.

Who would have bet six months ago that John McCain might beat Barack Obama? Bill Clinton:

"[H]e has some redeeming qualities for a Republican: he doesn't believe in toture, he supported campaign finance reform and he doesn't think global warming is a myth ... So it is not gonna be all that easy to beat him."

The Obama faithful sniffed and barked at the Big Dog for not snapping a stiff-armed salute at their Leader, but the Dog knows the truth: This is politics, not the debate club. Want to implement the ideas, the ideals? Win. Or at least act like you want to win, and try to keep your nutty fan club (relatives, close associates, pastors, pill-popping spouses) in the basement until the polls close in the general election.

Obama should be 10, maybe 12 points ahead of McCain at this point, getting ready to vet the cabinet. Bill Clinton was beating Bob Dole like Balboa beats beef slabs in August 1996. Because Clinton knew it's all about the lowest common denominator. Save the oration for the inauguration.

We said last January that McCain was off-his-rocker crazy -- a clinical term, not tossed around lightly -- and thus unqualified to be President of the United States. He's still all that, but turns out he's fox crazy, too, cunning and willing to use the WASP knife in battle. Hence the priggish Sarah Palin, a meaty bone to the GOP base that can't stand McCain (McPain is one of the nicer nicknames the far right uses).

McCain knows he's using his base to win. He knows he's using Palin, even if he believes she's unqualified. He's already on record belittling wanna-bes:

"I am prepared. I am prepared. I need no on-the-job training. I wasn't a mayor for a short period of time. I wasn't a governor for a short period of time."

Democrats will try to use McCain's words against him, but it won't work. They're too angry at Republican hypocrisy to think straight. They're baffled by the bullshit, belittling Palin at their peril. Wily Willie Brown, the best political animal ever to set foot in California, hailed the Palin pick as a brilliant political move:

"Republicans are now on offense and Democrats are on defense. And we don't do well on defense."

Joe Biden has been defanged by the choice of Palin. That attack dog won't hunt. Obama is spending too much time talking about the Republicans' veep pick, not enough time keeping it simple. And raising money, given his flip-flop on public financing of his campaign. He's got to raise $100 million a month to meet his fundraising goals, and he's falling short. While Obama begs for bucks, McCain campaigns.

Democrats don't get it. John McCain wants to win. They want to whine.

A MONTH AND FOUR DAYS

2008-09-09T21:43:00.003-05:00

That long since we last did any typing that didn't involve a TAKE WXMON or CG command. Look, Ma -- upper and lowercase letters!

Our apologies for the unexpected vacation from Blogistan. A bit of news from up north pushed CHATTER to a back burner. Rest assured, our focus has gone back to being unfocused. Summer reruns are over. A new season is here.

PRIMARY NIGHT

2008-08-05T22:25:00.003-05:00

Sarah Steelman tried but failed to topple Missouri's GOP machine and its chosen candidate, Kenny Hulshof.

A Matt Blunt-appointed circuit judge fails to hold onto his seat in Greene County.

And a Springfield sales tax sails to victory, 81-19, despite one tiny corner's loud attempts to bully people into voting "no."

Not quite 20-percent of registered voters in Greene County cast ballots on Tuesday. Pitiful that turnout was seen as OK.

At KSPR, the web served as platform for a nearly hour-long newscast, starting at 9 p.m. The newly installed news ticker digested and spit out results as fast as we could keyboard them into the system.

Did the primaries turn out the way you expected them to?

ALEXANDER SOLZHENITSYN, 89

2008-08-03T22:02:00.002-05:00

Death announced late Sunday by his son. He was a Nobel Prize winner.

According to The Associated Press:

Through unflinching accounts of the years he spent in the Soviet gulag, Solzhenitsyn's novels and non-fiction works exposed the secret history of the vast prison system that enslaved millions. The accounts riveted his countrymen and earned him years of bitter exile, but international renown.

And they inspired millions, perhaps, with the knowledge that one person's courage and integrity could, in the end, defeat the totalitarian machinery of an empire.

Ivan Denisovich lives on.

FEAR AND LESBIAN LOATHING

2008-07-23T22:51:00.002-05:00

The strokers at Fox News are consistent, give them that. They toe the conservative line and decry the baser parts of the world while filling your phiz with lurid images and stories about sex.

This week's big Fox News push: Why is America tolerating a song about lesbians?

We suspect they're hyping about "I Kissed A Girl" by Katy Perry, a slip of a song with an insanely catchy chorus:

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight

Fox insinuates the song will make straight girls rush off and join the lesbian brigade -- further proof that today's world is debauched beyond belief.

Yep. Thank God the black-and-white days were only filled with songs about straight, missionary-position sex (done in the dark, of course, 'cause with the lights out, it's less dangerous). No one sang about disgusting things like masturbation, right? Just ask Leo Sayer:

Miles and miles of empty space in between us
The telephone can't take the place of your smile.
But you know I won't be travelling for ever.
It's cold out
But hold out
And do like I do.
When I need love
I hold out my hands
And I touch love. I never knew there was so much love
Keeping me warm night and day.

So much love. No one could ever accuse Sayer of being modest. And let's not even get into Devo.

DOWN AND OUT IN JEFF CITY

2008-07-19T14:14:00.002-05:00

An interesting op-ed in the Wall Street Journal highlights the difficulties facing Missouri Republicans in November. Selected grafs:

For an insight as to why the GOP is down and out in Washington, take a look at Jefferson City. That's where Sarah Steelman, the state treasurer, is running in an Aug. 5 primary for the Missouri governorship. And it's where her reform campaign against earmarks and self-dealing is threatening the entrenched status quo, causing her own party to rise against her.

So bitter are House Minority Whip Roy Blunt and Sen. Kit Bond at Ms. Steelman's attack on their cherished spending beliefs that last month they rallied the entire Missouri congressional delegation to put out a public statement openly criticizing her campaign against six-term U.S. Rep. Kenny Hulshof. Joining them in their support of Mr. Hulshof has been the vast majority of the state Republican machine. Ms. Steelman is clearly doing something right. ...

Ms. Steelman's Republican colleagues were livid with her attempt to strip them of comfy pensions, annoyed with her "sunshine law" requiring them to be more open in their dealings, furious at her attacks on their ethanol boondoggles, appalled that she criticized GOP state Speaker Rod Jetton for moonlighting as a paid political consultant. The final straw was her temerity to make her primary race about her opponent's Washington earmarking record.

For Mr. Blunt, this is also just a wee bit personal. His son, Matt, is the outgoing governor, and has been on the receiving end of a few Treasurer Steelman blasts. Last year she stopped payment on a $70,000 secret check his administration cut to settle a sexual harassment suit against an official. Her demand for transparency blew the case into the open, infuriating GOP colleagues. ...

Mr. Hulshof has been able to tout his own history as an ethics reformer, though the fervor with which his party's regulars have embraced him has undercut that message. His real weakness is that despite conservative credentials on taxes or social issues, he's run wild with the GOP crowd that just won't relinquish the pork. Which is of course why Mr. Blunt (who pioneered House earmarks) and Mr. Bond (who sits at earmark central, the Senate appropriations committee) love him.

Happy happy joy joy for Jay Nixon, Missouri's attorney general and Democratic candidate for governor. Nixon's a terrible public speaker and uninspiring gubernatorial candidate. But in this campaign cycle, all he needs is a pulse to be competitive.

HOOKALICIOUS

2008-07-18T23:53:00.002-05:00

We're suckers for ear candy. Few things in life are as satisfying as a delicious pop song -- jingle-jangle guitars and sharp harmonies, a driving bass beat, a drummer doing more than just keeping time.

And a hook that sinks deep and sticks around for life. A catchy chorus? Nice enough, but it's the hook that survives. Here are 35 for your brain:

Baba O'Riley
The Who

No chorus necessary -- just the words "teenage wasteland."

Copacabana (At The Copa)
Barry Manilow

At the Copa.

The Wurlitzer Prize (I Don't Want to Get Over You)
Waylon Jennings

Catchy chorus overpowered by Jennings' tear-your-heart lament: "I don't want to get over you."

Zombie
The Cranberries

Dolores O'Riordan yelps her way into our brains.

Freddie's Dead
Curtis Mayfield

That's what I said.

Come As You Are
Nirvana

Sometimes the aural delight is a stretched-out word -- in this case, Kurt Cobain's "memory-ah."

Be My Baby
The Ronettes

Whoa-oh-oh-oh.

Perfect Situation
Weezer

Perfect, wordless singalong hook.

Five O'Clock World
The Vogues

Ditto.

Laid
James

Falsetto yelping can be good.

The Break Up Song
Greg Kihn Band

Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.

Runaway
Del Shannon

I wa-wa-wa-wa-wonder.

Flathead
The Fratellis

Boisterous burst of voices making noise.

Crazy In Love
Beyoncé

She owes it all to the blast of horns first heard in The Chi-Lites' "Are You My Woman?"

Material Girl
Madonna

A material ... a material ... a material ...

I Want You Back
Jackson 5

Oh baby, give me one more chance.

Take On Me
A-ha

Slip of a song, but the dude can flit through the octaves.

The Adventure
Angels & Airwaves

I cannot live, I can't breathe, unless you do this with me.

Lullaby
Shawn Mullins

Everything's gonna be all right.

Maps
Yeah Yeah Yeahs

They don't love you like I love you.

I Miss You
Blink-182

Don't waste your time on me you're already a voice inside my head (or is it yed?).

Song 2
Blur

Whoo-hoo!

Baby One More Time
Britney Spears

Oh baby baby.

Lit Up
Buckcherry

I love the cocaine, I love the cocaine.

Le Freak
Chic

Freak out!

Hey Ya
Outkast

Shake it like a Polaroid picture.

Rock On
David Essex

James Dean.

Epic
Faith No More

You want it all but you can't have it.

Mmmbop
Hanson

The worst song, the best killer hook.

Doll Parts
Hole

Someday you will ache like I ache.

Holiday Road
Lindsey Buckingham

Buckingham's stretch on the word "road."

We Will Rock You/We Are The Champions
Queen

Stomp stomp clap. Everyone's done it.

Jessie's Girl
Rick Springfield

Why can't I find a woman like that?

Buddy Holly
Weezer

What's with these homies, dissin' my girl?

Hotel
R. Kelly featuring Cassidy

Checking out six in the morning.

These are our favorites. Yours?

SPEAK IN MANY TONGUES

2008-07-10T21:29:00.002-05:00

Sen. Barack Obama said this week that Americans need to make sure their kids know how to speak Spanish. Jingoists reared up and said Obama has it wrong -- Americans need to make sure immigrants know how to speak English.

Pollster Rasmussen has it this way:

A national telephone survey conducted last month by Rasmussen Reports found ... 83% place a higher priority on encouraging immigrants to speak English as their primary language. Just 13% take the opposite view and say it is more important for Americans to learn other languages.

It's not an either/or debate -- it shouldn't be, at least -- but it's startling to see how fury over illegal immigration has created devolution among many formerly high-functioning humans. Their offspring will curse their stubborn bones.

Pissed about immigrants not knowing English? Volunteer in an ESL class. While you're at it, learn Standard Mandarin. It's the skill of the future.

MULLETS FOR MCCAIN

2008-07-06T22:49:00.002-05:00

Ozarks definition of a mullet: The driver of a slow-moving RV, usually on a winding highway around Branson, always in front of you.

As RV Business reports, a poll shows mullets love Sen. John McCain:

Fully 67% of the 346 participants cast their ballots for Republican Senator McCain. Democratic Senator Barack Obama was a distant second at 25% while Libertarian Bob Barr carried 2% and another 6% were undecided.

The overwhelming factor among McCain supporters was his level of experience.

"There are several key issues, including national security, taxes and the economy," said a member of the supplier community. "Obama is inexperienced and has no track record to be qualified to lead our country. It's somewhat unbelievable he has gotten this far."

Slow-moving drivers for a slow-moving president.

JESSE HELMS, 86

2008-07-04T09:49:00.002-05:00

The former U.S. Senator died early Friday, proving his patriotism by expiring on the Fourth of July.

ARMCHAIR CHIT CHAT

2008-07-03T18:19:00.000-05:00

Matt Petcoff gave birth this week to a blog: Armchair Chit Chat, a sports-oriented read with a bastard-cousin relationship to the blog you're reading. The name gives it away.

Give Brother Matt a looksee, watch as his child grows into something that attracts millions of eyeballs. Or so we hope for Mr. Petcoff.

A FILM LIKE NO OTHER

2008-07-02T23:02:00.003-05:00

The latest add to the CHATTER Wish List: Peter Greenaway's The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover, the closest thing to an acid trip without gnawing on blotter paper. No tinny aftertaste, and Helen Mirren is sensual.

We remember seeing it during a trip to D.C. and wishing, in vain, for the film to hit Springfield. Time to track down a DVD and add it to the library.

DESTROYED, NOT DEFEATED

2008-07-02T20:55:00.003-05:00

Forty-seven years Wednesday since Ernest Hemingway went pop in search of his lost generation. Proof that all men do die equally, and that electroconvulsive therapy is probably not a good thing. There is also the truth that a double-barreled shotgun to the face is an effective way to check out, though it may leave the well-lighted room a little less than clean.

"The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them," the man once said. We aim to take that advice.

JULY EAR CANDY

2008-07-02T20:43:00.002-05:00

Now playing on an iPod near you:

Funk #49
James Gang

Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television
George Carlin

Love Bomb
N.E.R.D.

Navajo Moon
Ana Popovic

Uninvited
Alanis Morissette

Radio Radio
Elvis Costello

I Let a Song Go Out Of My Heart
Thelonious Monk

Rocky Raccoon
The Beatles

21st Century Schizoid Man
King Crimson

Curtis 187
50 Cent

When my name in your mouth / Better watch how you talk ...

CHRISTINE DAUES EXPECTING

2008-06-27T19:50:00.002-05:00

The weekday anchor of KSPR is expecting her second child with co-anchor and husband Joe Daues.

Local news from the local newspeople. We're trying to convince Christine to name the new baby "Ronald." Alas, resistance to the idea. Probably for the best. Selah.

BILL DIAL, 66

2008-06-26T20:43:00.003-05:00

Smitty passes along an e-mail from Engineer Doug about the June 2 death of actor-turned-producer Bill Dial. Radioheads might remember him for his role as engineer Bucky Dornster in "WKRP in Cincinnati"

Dial appeared in two episodes, including "Turkeys Away," with its famous Les Nessman live report:

"Oh, they're plunging to the earth right in front of our eyes! One just went through the windshield of a parked car! Oh, the humanity! The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement!

As God is our witness.

NOT SO LOST, AFTER ALL

2008-06-23T23:53:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago The Media went with a bad-ass story about a previously undiscovered tribe in a rainforest hugging the Brazilian-Peruvian border. Television gobbled the story because it came with good vid, great vid, of tribesmen shooting arrows at the plane during a looksee.

Too good to be true, of course. As the Guardian explains:

[I]t has now emerged that, far from being unknown, the tribe's existence has been noted since 1910 and the mission to photograph them was undertaken in order to prove that 'uncontacted' tribes still existed in an area endangered by the menace of the logging industry.

The disclosures have been made by the man behind the pictures, José Carlos Meirelles, 61, one of the handful of sertanistas – experts on indigenous tribes – working for the Brazilian Indian Protection Agency, Funai, which is dedicated to searching out remote tribes and protecting them. ...

For two days, Meirelles says, he flew a 150km-radius route over the border region with Peru and saw huts that belonged to isolated tribes. But he did not see people. 'When the women hear the plane above, they run into the forest, thinking it's a big bird,' he said. 'This is such a remote area, planes don't fly over it.'

What he was looking for was not only proof of life, but firm evidence that the tribes in this area were flourishing – proof in his view that the policy of no contact and protection was working. On the last day, with only a couple hours of flight time remaining, Meirelles spotted a large community.

'When I saw them painted red, I was satisfied, I was happy,' he said. 'Because painted red means they are ready for war, which to me says they are happy and healthy defending their territory.' ...

Survival International, the organisation that released the pictures along with Funai, conceded yesterday that Funai had known about this nomadic tribe for around two decades. It defended the disturbance of the tribe saying that, since the images had been released, it had forced neighbouring Peru to re-examine its logging policy in the border area where the tribe lives, as a result of the international media attention. Activist and former Funai president Sydney Possuelo agreed that – amid threats to their environment and doubt over the existence of such tribes – it was necessary to publish them.

Use the tribesmen. Just don't let them know they're being used. As far as they know, you're just a big metal bird in the sky.

HUNTER HATER

2008-06-21T18:19:00.002-05:00

Fourth-grade kid in Vermont goes to school, talks turkey with classmate during the break known as snack time. Teacher overhears conversation, goes all freaky.

Jared Harrington is now being home-schooled. His parents are on the hunt for a teacher trophy. As the Times Argus report:

Jared Harrington's mother, Wendy Bordwell, and his father, Martin Harrington, removed their son from school with 10 days left in the school year and home-schooled the 10-year-old boy.

"We are aggressively pursuing Jared's right to free speech," Bordwell said. ...

Bordwell said in a telephone interview that she believed her son was "singled out" by Kathleen Backus, Jared's teacher, while talking about hunting with a schoolmate.

Bordwell said that, during snack time, Jared was discussing the recent spring turkey hunting season with a classmate when Backus interrupted the conversation, insisting that there be no talk of "killing" in her classroom. ...

"Jared's teacher covered her ears, trying to block the conversation, and singing 'la la la la.' When asked by another school employee about her odd behavior, the teacher claimed she did not want to hear about the boys and their 'killing.' The boys were left feeling that they were not legitimate hunters, but 'killers' in the eyes of an important authority figure in their lives," Bordwell said.

After Jared's parents decided to take up the matter with the school board, Backus assigned 137 pages of homework for the boy.

"That led us to believe he was being singled out," Bordwell said.

Does Kathleen Backus enjoy her Thanksgiving bird?

PEACE, LOVE, KNOWLEDGE

2008-06-17T20:53:00.004-05:00

Barack Obama campaigned hard to end politics "as we know it" -- a kōan perfect for the picayune American mind obsessed with change. Too many Americans are blissfully ignorant about politics (one in three can't name the governor of their state, and three in 10 can't name the vice president of their country). They want to change politics as they don't know it. Maybe then they'll pay attention.

But then again, no. Attention requires effort requires sacrifice, and we're just not into that. What, we should search for information and actually read it? Exercise the big muscle between the ears? Maybe if you bring it to our (desk)(couch)(bed) and hand it to us with the really important stuff highlighted. So, you know, we don't have to work at it.

And slap a slogan on it. We love slogans. "Change We Can Believe In." "A Leader We Can Believe In." "Ignorance Is Strength."

The men who would lead our country appreciate and rush to the lowest common denominator. They talk good, high-minded games to the faithful in their flocks, but they cater to the people who know Peyton Manning but draw a blank on Vladimir Putin, the folks who can't name the Sunni branch of Islam (to them, probably, all Muslims are sweaty, swarthy terrorists).

They follow another time-honored kōan: Keep it simple. Don't bother with facts. Nugget-sized platitudes and zingers, hold the sauce. Don't discuss the difficulties in the Middle East, the complexities of the U.S. relationship with China, the fact that Americans pay half as much (or less) than Europeans at the pump. Don't make people think. Hurts. Brains.

John McCain comes to Springfield on Wednesday. He's supposed to talk about energy and the economy. Avid Republicans will eat the sweets (even though they don't especially care for the confectioner). Avid Democrats will naysay his offerings as leftovers from the Bush kitchen.

Everyone else will wonder why traffic around Missouri State University is bollixed up, but only if it's inconvenient to them. What they know about John McCain and Barack Obama would fill a bumper sticker but not a brochure. They will decide this election based on the last, best slogan they saw on a 30-second ad, sometime in late October.

"The darkness of insanity," as the immortal poet-philospher Declan Patrick MacManus put it. Don't bother looking for a switch. The strong and the trusted like it better with the lights out.

TONY SCHWARTZ, 84

2008-06-16T22:55:00.002-05:00

Media consultant. "Highly reclusive," according to The New York Times. Helped create the seminal moment in modern American politics.

From the Times obit:

“Media consultant” is barely adequate to describe Mr. Schwartz’s portfolio. In a career of more than half a century, he was variously an art director; advertising executive; urban folklorist who captured the cacophony of New York streets on phonograph records; radio host; Broadway sound designer; college professor, media theorist and author who wrote books about the persuasive power of sound and image; and maker of commercials for products, candidates and causes. What was more, Mr. Schwartz, who had suffered from agoraphobia since the age of 13, accomplished most of these things entirely within his Manhattan home.

Of the thousands of television and radio advertisements on which Mr. Schwartz worked, none is as well known, or as controversial, as one that was broadcast exactly once: the so-called “daisy ad,” made for Lyndon B. Johnson’s presidential campaign in 1964.

Produced by the advertising agency Doyle Dane Bernbach in collaboration with Mr. Schwartz, the minute-long spot was broadcast on Sept. 7, 1964, during NBC’s “Monday Night at the Movies.” It showed a little girl in a meadow (in reality a Manhattan park), counting aloud as she plucks the petals from a daisy. Her voice dissolves into a man’s voice counting downward, followed by the image of an atomic blast. President Johnson’s voice is heard on the soundtrack:

“These are the stakes. To make a world in which all of God’s children can live, or to go into the dark. We must either love each other, or we must die.”

His mentor and friend was Marshall McLuhan. Figures.

DEWING IT

2008-06-16T22:44:00.002-05:00

We admit our addiction and are powerless to stop it. We're Dew junkies. Especially when it comes to the new flavors of Mountain Dew, tasties as enticing as China White and Black Tar.

There's Revolution, "infused with Wild Berry fruit flavor and Ginseng." Voltage is "charged with Raspberry Citrus flavor." Supernova -- perhaps the least-best of the lot -- has "a Blast of Strawberry Melon Flavor."

None of it is as toothsome as Code Red, the kindest of Dew buds. But Voltage is close, until Mountain Dew Oxy hits the market.

Dew Boy, save us from the madness.

A HONEY OF A HOUSEGUEST

2008-06-16T22:40:00.002-05:00

Dateline: Concord, N.H.

Skinny: Homeowner sees sticky stuff on walls, dips a finger, takes a taste. It's honey. In the walls, bees crawled.

WYFF reports:

Mark Jones’ 100-year-old house has more than 60,000 [bees].

Jones and his wife, Amychelle, said they can sum it up in one word: insanity. On Sunday, they found a way to deal with the bees.

Beekeepers removed 60,000 bees from the Joneses' home Sunday morning, leaving about 1,000 still buzzing inside.

No queen, so no lingering infestation. Four bees stung the beekeepers. All good, and the house remains tasty.

DOC SAYS YOU'RE GONNA DIE

2008-06-08T19:51:00.002-05:00

Man in Australia squats for a little roadside relief. Deadly brown snake squirms between his legs and lunges at the dangly bits. Man and snake freak.

The Cairns Post has the story:

Emergency workers raced to the scene to treat the man.

The wound was wrapped in plastic in case poison had penetrated the skin but medical staff gave the man the all-clear after conducting tests.

He was taken to Cooktown Hospital where he spent a night recovering.

The ambulance spokesman described him as "lucky", given his near encounter with one of Australia’s most poisonous snakes.

"I think he was a bit shocked and embarrassed," he said.

Life imitates joke.

PAST BLASTS, REVIVED

2008-06-08T16:22:00.004-05:00

A couple bullets for your Sunday:

•A reporter has tracked down Adolf Hitler's nephew -- to America. Here's a graf from David Gardner's Telegraph story about Hitler's nephew and his offspring:

I was to discover that the Hitler bloodline was carried on through William Patrick's four sons - one of whom died in a road accident in 1989 - and that the brothers had decided in a remarkable pact not to have children themselves in order that Adolf Hitler's genes would die with them.

•The Daily Mail has the story of Sen. John McCain's first wife, Carol, and how she became a former. Suffice to say it doesn't flatter the GOP presidential candidate. After he returned home from a Vietnamese prison, he kicked her to the curb for a prettier model:

Ross Perot, who paid her medical bills all those years ago, now believes that both Carol McCain and the American people have been taken in by a man who is unusually slick and cruel – even by the standards of modern politics.

"McCain is the classic opportunist. He’s always reaching for attention and glory," he said.

"After he came home, Carol walked with a limp. So he threw her over for a poster girl with big money from Arizona. And the rest is history."

Is John McCain history, too? Not a chance.

BO DIDDLEY, 79

2008-06-02T11:10:00.002-05:00

From The Associated Press:

A spokeswoman says Diddley died of heart failure. He had suffered a heart attack in August 2007, three months after suffering a stroke while touring in Iowa.

HARVEY KORMAN, 81

2008-05-29T18:09:00.003-05:00

Hedley Lamarr has left the building. Damn.

Korman died Thursday at UCLA Medical Center. He won Emmys for "The Carol Burnett Show." And, of course, he was Hedley Lamarr. It was a 10-gallon hat, and we did enjoy the show.

FEAR AND CLOTHING

2008-05-27T19:14:00.003-05:00

Michelle Malkin, the blogger, has gotten her way. Dunkin' Donuts is now safe from terrorism, Rachael Ray is a left-wing apologist, and anyone wearing a black-and-white silk scarf is Against Us.

Dunkin' Donuts ran an ad featuring Ray wearing a scarf with a paisley design, "selected by her stylist for the advertising shoot," according to DD (mmm, double-Ds).

Malkin started ranting and said the scarf looked like a keffiyeh: "The keffiyeh, for the clueless, is the traditional scarf of Arab men that has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad ... the apparel has been mainstreamed by both ignorant and not-so-ignorant fashion designers, celebrities, and left-wing icons."

According to the Boston Globe:

[Dunkin' Donuts] at first pooh-poohed the complaints, claiming the black-and-white wrap was not a keffiyeh. But the right-wing drumbeat on the blogosphere continued and by yesterday, Dunkin’ Donuts decided it’d be easier just to yank the ad.

Said the suits in a statement: "In a recent online ad, Rachael Ray is wearing a black-and-white silk scarf with a paisley design. ... Absolutely no symbolism was intended. However, given the possibility of misperception, we are no longer using the commercial."

Dunkin' Donuts caves, Malkin crows, idiocy reigns. Soon the clock will strike 13.

SYDNEY POLLACK, 73

2008-05-26T22:42:00.003-05:00

Director, actor, producer. "Out of Africa" and "Tootsie" immediately come to mind. They were his.

Pollack died of cancer Monday at his home in Los Angeles. According to The New York Times:

Mr. Pollack’s career defined an era in which big stars (Robert Redford, Barbra Streisand, Warren Beatty) and the filmmakers who knew how to wrangle them (Barry Levinson, Mike Nichols) retooled the Hollywood system. Savvy operators, they played studio against studio, staking their fortunes on pictures that served commerce without wholly abandoning art.

Hollywood honored Mr. Pollack in return. His movies received multiple Academy Award nominations, and as a director he won an Oscar for his work on the 1985 film “Out of Africa” as well as nominations for directing “They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?” (1969) and “Tootsie” (1982).

“Michael Clayton,” of which Mr. Pollack was a producer and a member of the cast, was nominated for a best picture Oscar earlier this year. He delivered a trademark performance as an old-bull lawyer who demands dark deeds from a subordinate, played by George Clooney. (“This is news? This case has reeked from Day 1!” snaps Mr. Pollack’s Marty Bach.) Most recently, Mr. Pollack portrayed the father of Patrick Dempsey’s character in “Made of Honor.”

An Indiana boy, reared in South Bend. "Absence of Malice" and "Three Days of the Condor" were among his best works.

DIVINE 69

2008-05-26T22:15:00.002-05:00

A little soixante-neuf never hurt anyone, height differences notwithstanding. But slap the number 69 on a T-shirt and all hell breaks loose in Billerica, Mass.

A 14-year-old was suspended from middle school for wearing a shirt that said "SOPHOMORE 69." WCVB reports:

Christina Morrison, an eighth-grader at the Marshall Middle School, was sent to the office Tuesday when she arrived at school wearing the shirt. The assistant principal told Morrison and her stepfather that the shirt was "sexually explicit," and that she was being suspended for the day, the Lowell Sun reported.

The teen said she felt like crying because she only wore the shirt she'd recently purchased from a store called Urban Behavior because she liked it.

The school principal, Roland Boucher, said he wouldn't talk about the specific incident, but added that the school's dress code prohibits "any clothing that displays offensive language or images or suggests inappropriate or illegal behavior is not allowed in school."

The teen's mother, Kimberly Cifelli, wants an apology. Cifelli says she doesn't understand why the school says the shirt is sexually explicit. C'mon, Mom.

NEVER GONNA BREAK MY FAITH

2008-05-25T11:43:00.002-05:00

As you remember lost loved ones on Memorial Day, keep in mind Jeff Melton. His widow, Holly, has a challenge for locals, issued in a column in Sunday's News-Leader, and on her blog.

Holly Melton wants to establish an urgent care cancer clinic in the Ozarks -- "an urgent care medical facility that is dedicated to only the special needs of cancer patients." She writes:

When one is battling for his or her life, an urgent care clinic is needed that is specially designed to keep cancer patients free from the airborne illnesses found in a typical urgent or emergent care facility. A cancer patient's immune system is already greatly compromised. A clinic is needed where a cancer patient's wait won't be extended because of an incoming car accident that takes the immediate attention. A clinic is needed where a cancer patient will be touched gently, spoken to softly -- cancer patients are in great pain, not hard of hearing. Often the pain medication and the cancer treatments have left a cancer patient with a low tolerance for noise and light. The tumors and searing pain in their bodies make it absolutely necessary for gentle treatment, softer bedding, swift and expert bed transfers. A cancer patient doesn't want to go through their litany of medications another time. Therefore, there is a need for a registry of medications. There is a desperate need to care for those with cancer, no matter what stage of the disease.

If you have ever witnessed someone who has just received a round of chemotherapy, or a cancer patient who is so weak and in desperate need of a blood transfusion, or a cancer patient whose pain is so intense that the thought alone of moving makes them vomit, then you can see the need exists. Please join me. We can do this.

Stop by her blog, read up, consider joining her challenge. It's a worthy one.

DICK MARTIN, 86

2008-05-24T23:46:00.002-05:00

Co-host, with Dan Rowan, of "Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In," a groundbreaking television show of the 1960s. The Associated Press reports:

Martin, who went on to become one of television's busiest directors after splitting with Dan Rowan in the late 1970s, died Saturday night of respiratory complications at a hospital in Santa Monica, family spokesman Barry Greenberg said. ...

"Laugh-in," which debuted in January 1968, was unlike any comedy-variety show before it. Rather than relying on a series of tightly scripted song-and-dance segments, it offered up a steady, almost stream-of-consciousness run of non-sequitur jokes, political satire and madhouse antics from a cast of talented young actors and comedians that also included Ruth Buzzi, Arte Johnson, Henry Gibson, Jo Anne Worley and announcer Gary Owens.

Presiding over it all were Rowan and Martin, the veteran nightclub comics whose standup banter put their own distinct spin on the show.

Like all straight men, Rowan provided the voice of reason, striving to correct his partner's absurdities. Martin, meanwhile, was full of bogus, often risque theories about life, which he appeared to hold with unwavering certainty.

Sock it to me. Bet your sweet bippy. Say goodnight, Dick.

AGONY OF THE FEET

2008-05-23T21:48:00.002-05:00

Since last August, human feet have been washing ashore on British Columbia's Gulf Islands. Right feet, to be precise, and clad in sneakers.

It happened again on Thursday, in Richmond.

According to this Canada.com story, it's a real stumper:

The first foot appeared last Aug. 20 on Jedediah Island, near Nanoose Bay.

A week later, a second foot was found on nearby Gabriola Island.

On Feb. 8, a third foot washed up on the eastern shore of Valdez Island, off the shore of Nanaimo, which is accessible only by floatplane or private boat.

All three were right feet and all were found in sneakers. The first two feet were found in size 12 men's sneakers.

The latest foot was found on the north side of uninhabited Kirkland Island, west of the George Massey Tunnel at the south end of No. 5 Road.

Someone has gotten off on the right foot.

SMOKE 'EM IF YOU GOT 'EM

2008-05-22T21:52:00.002-05:00

Your favorite smoker will appreciate this:

This ashtray looks like a lung. And as you put your cigarette in it, it starts coughing and screaming.

Eleven bucks. Hey, a bargain.

WRITER WITH A REAL VOICE

2008-05-22T21:37:00.002-05:00

It pays to be bland.

Exhibit A: Steven Barber, former student at the University of Virginia's College at Wise. He turned in a short story for a creative-writing class. His instructor freaked out at the story's violent tone. Barber, 23, was forced into a psych bin, then expelled.

The Wall Street Journal reports:

"It had to be acted on immediately," says Christopher Scalia, the instructor. He alerted administrators, who reacted swiftly, searching Mr. Barber's dorm room and car. Upon discovering three guns, they had him committed to a psychiatric institution for a weekend. Then they expelled him.

Yet the psychiatrists who evaluated Mr. Barber during his hospitalization determined he was no threat to himself or others. Mr. Barber says the guns were for protection from threats such as school shootings. He maintains that his story, titled "Sh---y First Drafts," was merely a fictional attempt to address school shootings such as the April 16, 2007, Virginia Tech massacre, which left 33 dead, including the gunman. The story "was supposed to show how disturbed people are who do that," Mr. Barber says. ...

The problem for Mr. Scalia, the instructor, was the story's references to the class and its assignments and to the murder of a professor called Mr. Christopher, a name identical to his own first name. Mr. Barber, a Navy veteran who served in the Iraq war, wrote of stockpiling alcohol and drugs for a binge and sleeping with the "cold and heavy steel" of a gun under his pillow. "I knew I had a choice," he wrote. "Murder or suicide. Either way, death was imminent."

Scalia is the son of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. He believes Barber's story was about him.

Barber gave the school enough ammo to shoot him. He was already on school probation for booze and for possession a nightstick-like weapon. He also had a 3.9 GPA and was on the dean's list. He says he'd write about "butterflies and rainbows" if he had a second chance at Wise.

The WSJ hed: Schools Struggle With Dark Writings. The real struggle seems to be with common sense.

SULU PULLS AN ELLEN

2008-05-20T22:21:00.002-05:00

George Takei, the actor who played Mr. Sulu on the original Star Trek series, is getting hitched to his longtime partner.

The BBC reports:

Takei, 71, said he and Brad Altman were going through the "delicious dilemma" of where to marry.

The actor and 54-year-old Mr Altman have been together for 21 years.

"We can have the dignity, as well as all the responsibilities, of marriage. We embrace it all heartily," Takei wrote on his website. ...

On Thursday, California's Supreme Court said the "right to form a family relationship" applied to all Californians regardless of sexuality.

But opponents of the decision said they would seek an amendment to the state constitution, which would override the ruling.

Following the Supreme Court's decision to legalise same-sex marriage, comedian Ellen DeGeneres announced plans to marry her girlfriend, actress Portia de Rossi.

Does this mean the Sulu in "Mirror, Mirror" was straight?

HAMILTON JORDAN, 63

2008-05-20T21:44:00.002-05:00

Political whiz kid from the 1970s who helped push Jimmy Carter into the White House. Last name pronounced "JUR-den." The Associated Press reports Jordan died of cancer. It happened Tuesday night.

In his memoir, No Such Thing as a Bad Day, Jordan discussed living through three bouts with cancer before he was 50.

A Friday memorial service is planned at the Carter Center in Atlanta.

SOME DEATHS ARE WORTH MORE

2008-05-15T21:33:00.000-05:00

At least 35,000, or maybe four times that number, dead in Myanmar. Another 30,000-plus killed in China. It's news, even big news, but it's not the Mother of All News. The MOAN designation is attached only to the events we see for ourselves, when it's our shoes on the ground, our nose filled with the pungence of mayhem.

Unfair but true; subjective but real. It's the Law. McClurke's Law.

Reportedly named after a jaded BBC editor, McClurke's Law holds that some deaths are worth more. NBC journalist Martin Fletcher's Breaking News -- a helluva read, even if you don't work in a paragraph factory -- includes McClurke's Law:

One hundred thousand Bangladeshis killed in a flood equals 10,000 Africans killed by famine equals 500 Egyptians eaten by crocodiles on the Nile equals five British soldiers killed in Northern Ireland equals two of the queen's corgi dogs run over by a bus.

Rue the day when the U.S. has to endure a death toll equivalent to a dozen Sept. 11ths. The ensuing coverage may kill us all.

A FETISH TOO FAR

2008-05-14T22:20:00.003-05:00

Rough sex gone wrong. After seeing that headline, who's not going to read more?

The skinny: Man loves woman. She loves him. They drink, heavily. They have rough sex. He asks her to "carve artwork" into his chest. She picks up a knife. Things go awry.

Thank God the Winnipeg Sun is around to provide details:

A court order has prohibited the young lovers from communicating with each other since the February 2007 incident. That order was lifted yesterday and the couple left court together, smiling. ...

Court heard the 25-year-old woman and 24-year-old man had known each other since grade school but had only become romantically involved four weeks prior to the accident.

The man was rushed to hospital in critical condition after suffering a stab wound to the left ventricle of his heart.

"Hospital staff thought he was going to die, he was very close to death," said Crown attorney Larry Allan, adding the man has fully recovered. ...

"He said they engaged in dangerous play, and due to her intoxication, was not precise with the knife and punctured his heart," Allan said.

The man told police the stabbing was an accident and that the two routinely cut and scratched each other with knives. The man showed police several wounds, including a heart-shaped scar on his back featuring the woman's initials.

McCammond said it was the victim who introduced the woman to "body modification" and asked her to carve another heart on his chest. The woman was complying when the man asked her to press harder, said [the woman's lawyer, John] McAmmond. ...

Judge Brian Corrin said the woman was "clearly remorseful and unlikely to be reinvolved."

Corrin ordered the woman to participate in alcohol counselling while on probation.

Nothing so sweet as young love.

BABY SUPERNOVA

2008-05-14T22:12:00.003-05:00

An explosion just discovered, and it's the most recent in the Milky Way -- about 140 years old.

According to news from NASA's Chandra X-Ray Observatory:

Previously, the last known supernova in our galaxy occurred around 1680, an estimate based on the expansion of remnant Cassiopeia A. ...

The tracking of this object began in 1985, when astronomers ... used the [National Radio Astronomy Observatory's] Very Large Array to identify the remnant of a supernova explosion near the center of our galaxy. Based on its small size, it was thought to have resulted from a supernova that exploded about 400 to 1000 years ago.

Twenty-two years later, Chandra observations revealed the remnant had expanded by a surprisingly large amount, about 16 percent, since 1985. This indicates the supernova remnant is much younger than previously thought.

That young age was confirmed in recent weeks when the Very Large Array made new radio observations. This comparison of data pinpoints the age of the remnant at 140 years - possibly less if it has been slowing down - making it the youngest on record in the Milky Way.

The photo -- a blending of data from Chandra and the Very Large Array -- is money.

DOTTIE RAMBO, 74

2008-05-11T20:02:00.003-05:00

Gospel songwriter, singer. Died Sunday when her tour bus wrecked on Interstate 44, just east of Mount Vernon, Mo. Severe storms could have contributed to the crash. The Associated Press reports:

Rambo, of Nashville, Tenn., was on her way to a Mother's Day performance in Texas, according to her Web site.

"She was a giant in the gospel music industry," said Beckie Simmons, Rambo's agent. "Dolly Parton recorded some of her songs."

Parton sent condolences to "everyone involved in this terrible tragedy."

"I know Dottie is in heaven in the arms of God right now, but our earth angel will surely be missed," Parton said in a statement. "Dottie was a dear friend, a fellow singer, songwriter and entertainer, and as of late my duet singing partner."

Rambo was inducted into the Nashville Songwriters Hall of Fame last year and the Kentucky Music Hall of Fame in 2006.

Rambo wrote the 1982 Gospel Music Association Song of the Year, "We Shall Behold Him."

ANGEL HARVEY, 92

2008-05-04T20:11:00.003-05:00

Real first name: Lynne. The First Lady of Radio. Wife of broadcaster Paul Harvey. Died Saturday of leukemia in River Forest, Ill. Radio and Records reports:

An official statement from the Harvey family said, "A director, writer and editor, she was the creative and administrative heartbeat behind the number-one-rated 'Paul Harvey News and Comment,' which reaches tens of millions of listeners." ...

Lynne's influence can be felt in many of the ways Americans consume electronic news media today. Her news related innovations include the concept of news features within hard-news broadcasts, humorous "kicker" stories, which became a Paul Harvey trademark, and news broadcasts at 10:00 p.m. to take better advantage of adults' leisure time. In television she created "Dilemma," a program which became a prototype for today's talk-show genre and "Paul Harvey Comments," a nationally syndicated show that aired five days a week for 20 years.

She was born in St. Louis, educated at Washington University. She met Paul Harvey when she worked at KXOK; they married in 1940.

He has lost his Angel, but their partnership endures. Especially in the program she developed and edited, the one he delivers with idiosyncratic style. It's a short, snappy little program, a story with a twist. She named it "The Rest of the Story." And now you know.

MOM, BEER AND A BB GUN

2008-05-04T17:41:00.002-05:00

Angelique Vandeberg is this month's Top Mom -- and just in time for Mother's Day. Police say the Wisconsin woman (mugshot here) shot her daughter in the leg with a BB gun. Reason? To win a $1 bet.

The Sheboygan Press reports:

Police began looking into the incident Wednesday after a school counselor reported it to police. The girl was shot three or four days earlier, but a circular bruise with a white-colored point in the middle remained visible on her thigh, the counselor said.

The girl said the shooting occurred in her mother's bedroom, where Vandeberg was with her boyfriend after she had consumed 10 to 12 beers.

The boyfriend bet Vandeberg $1 she wouldn't shoot the child, then handed her the BB pistol. Vandeberg took it and shot the girl. The bullet, which did not break the skin, bounced off her leg and struck her 7-year-old brother, who was not injured.

Wonder what she'd do for five bucks?

WIKIPEDIA MONKEY BUSINESS

2008-05-01T20:58:00.003-05:00

Someone within the Department of Justice wants to mess with our heads. A typist using an IP address belonging to DoJ made edits to an article about the Committee for Accuracy in Middle East Reporting in America, also known as CAMERA.

The scrubbed info: How CAMERA was trying to "cooperate with prominent Wikipedia editors to promote a Zionist viewpoint and oppose pro-Arab viewpoints on Wikipedia."

The Wikimedia Foundation has been all over the story. According to this report from mister-info:

After the IP address belonging to the DOJ was blocked, Wikipedia editors informed the Wikimedia Foundation's Communications committee about the incident. Both Wikinews and Wikipedia are projects of the Wikimedia Foundation. In addition to the DOJ IP address, several Wikipedia users determined to be cooperating with the CAMERA campaign to influence Wikipedia had also previously been blocked by Wikipedia administrators.

Wikinews requested a statement from the Department of Justice on the edits to Wikipedia, but as of this article's publication had not received a response.

The (for now) anonymous DoJer also made edits to articles about Tracy Jordan, Roger Ebert and James E. Akins.

The DoJ address was blocked for "repeated vandalism," but someone else in D.C. is also making the same edits to the CAMERA article. Nice to know CAMERA is a government front, and we always suspected there was something odd about Roger Ebert. But Tracy Jordan? Maybe the Black Crusaders are real.

ALBERT HOFMANN, 102

2008-04-29T21:18:00.002-05:00

Died Tuesday of a heart attack at his home.

He discovered lysergic acid diethylamide.

From the Los Angels Times' obit:

On Friday afternoon, April 16, 1943, Hofmann had just completed synthesizing a new batch when, he subsequently wrote his supervisor, "I was forced to interrupt my work in the laboratory in the middle of the afternoon and proceed home, being affected by a remarkable restlessness, combined with slight dizziness.

"At home, I lay down and sank into a not-unpleasant intoxicated-like condition, characterized by an extremely stimulated imagination. In a dreamlike state I perceived an uninterrupted stream of fantastic pictures, extraordinary shapes with intense, kaleidoscopic play of colors. After some two hours, this condition faded away."

Hofmann suspected that the state had been caused by something in the lab. In an interview on his 100th birthday, he said, "I didn't know what caused it, but I knew that it was important." ...

The following Monday, he took what he considered to be an extremely small dose of LSD, so small that a similar dose of even the most powerful toxin known at the time would have had little or no effect. He had planned to gradually increase the dosage, but instead was surprised to encounter the first bad acid trip.

Feeling bad, he asked his laboratory assistant to accompany him home on his bicycle, no cars being available because of wartime restrictions. During the trip, "I had the feeling that I could not move from the spot. I was cycling, cycling, but the time seemed to stand still." ...

Hofmann thought he was dying and sent for a doctor, but the physician could find nothing wrong.

After about six hours, the experience began to change into a pleasant one. "After some time, with my eyes closed, I began to enjoy this wonderful play of colors and forms, which it really was a pleasure to observe. Then I went to sleep and the next day I was fine. I felt quite fresh, like a newborn."

I knew that it was important. Marvelous.

BEST. TV. SHOWS. EVER.

2008-04-28T19:55:00.004-05:00

The New York Post has the list. Here you go:

1 THE SOPRANOS (1999-2007, HBO)

2 ALL IN THE FAMILY (1971-79, CBS)

3 THE OPRAH WINFREY SHOW (1986-present, syndication)

4 AMERICAN IDOL (2002- present, FOX)

5 THE WEST WING (1999-2006, NBC)

6 MARY TYLER MOORE (1970-77, CBS)

7 DALLAS (1978-91, CBS)

8 24 (2001- present, FOX)

9 TWIN PEAKS (1990-91, ABC)

10 SESAME STREET (1969-present, PBS)

11 THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JOHNNY CARSON (1962-92, NBC)

12 60 MINUTES (1968-present, CBS)

13 THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW (1948-71, CBS)

14 I LOVE LUCY (1951-57, CBS)

15 LAW & ORDER (1990-present, NBC)

16 MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS (1969-1974, PBS)

17 THE CAROL BURNETT SHOW (1967-79, CBS)

18 THE SIMPSONS (1989-present, FOX)

19 SEX AND THE CITY (1998-2004, HBO)

20 ER (1994-present, NBC)

21 THE HONEYMOONERS (1955-56, CBS)

22 MIAMI VICE (1984-89, NBC)

23 SEINFELD (1990-98, NBC)

24 GUNSMOKE (1955-75, CBS)

25 ROWAN & MARTIN'S LAUGH-IN (1968-73, NBC)

26 HILL STREET BLUES (1981-87, NBC)

27 STAR TREK (1966-1969, NBC)

28 THE X-FILES (1993-2002, Fox)

29 THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW (1961-66, CBS)

30 SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE (1975-present, NBC)

31 JEOPARDY! (1964-75; 1978-79; 1984-present, NBC and syndication)

32 MOONLIGHTING (1985-89, ABC)

33 MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE (1966-73, CBS)

34 THE COSBY SHOW (1984-92, NBC)

35 GENERAL HOSPITAL (1963-present, ABC)

Obvious MIA shows: South Park, The Price is Right, WKRP, Twilight Zone, M*A*S*H. And what's with Idol in the Top 5? And Seinfeld below Miami Vice? Yikes.

STEVE KOEHLER IS OUTTA THERE

2008-04-28T13:55:00.002-05:00

The News-Leader icon -- or is he a legend? -- has resigned. Here's the letter sent to staff:

Steve Koehler, who has been a reporter and editor at the News-Leader for the past 24 years, resigned today.

His last day will be Thursday, May 15.

Koehler joined the News-Leader in 1984 after working 10 years at newspapers in Illinois. During his time here, he has contributed in a range of ways: news editor, sports editor, sports columnist, news columnist, and reporter on the neighbors and features staffs. Higher education has been his beat for the past six years.

Koehler, who strings for the AP, will continue to do freelance work (including, hopefully, for us). He is currently weighing other job opportunities.

Plans for a proper send-off will be announced in the coming week or so. And the search for his replacement will get underway quickly.

Good for Koehler.