FAT MAN WHINES ABOUT PRISON

Michael Washington, 32, let people store crack cocaine in his house. He got caught, pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 14 years in prison for the misdeed.

But he doesn't want to go to prison. He says he's too fat, according to The Associated Press:

Washington, who weighs 574 pounds, argued during sentencing that he was too obese and in too poor of health to be adequately cared for in prison, and requested home confinement. However, the court said the agency was capable of addressing his medical needs.

He should've hidden the crack in his fat folds.