FORGET PATTING YOUR HEAD AND RUBBING YOUR STOMACH

The Scotsman on Sunday carried the text of a police report from July 2005, when President Bush crashed his bicycle. From the story, it appears the president is not a natural cyclist:

The official police incident report states: "[The unit] was requested to cover the road junction on the Auchterarder to Braco Road as the President of the USA, George Bush, was cycling through." The report goes on: "[At] about 1800 hours the President approached the junction at speed on the bicycle. The road was damp at the time. As the President passed the junction at speed he raised his left arm from the handlebars to wave to the police officers present while shouting 'thanks, you guys, for coming'.

"As he did this he lost control of the cycle, falling to the ground, causing both himself and his bicycle to strike [the officer] on the lower legs. [The officer] fell to the ground, striking his head. The President continued along the ground for approximately five metres, causing himself a number of abrasions. The officers... then assisted both injured parties."

The president can't ride a bike, wave and talk at the same time. Had he been chewing gum, many men might have died.