Wednesday, March 08, 2006

EWE REALLY TURN ME ON

The notorious Doc Larry brought this splendid story to our attention. Great quotes in a story about a sicko:
Leroy Donald Johnson was caught this weekend in a barn with his pants down, literally, according to a sheriff's office report.

"You caught me ... I tried to (expletive) your sheep," Johnson told his neighbor, according to the report.

But the Mesa Fire Department deputy fire chief changed his story when a sheriff's deputy arrived on his doorstep minutes later, denying anything happened.

Johnson, 52, was jailed on suspicion of disorderly conduct and criminal trespassing after the neighbor told investigators he found Johnson, unzipped and holding a sheep down on its side.

That's the sanitized version. The Maricopa County Sheriff's Office report released Monday night is a little more graphic.

Johnson's neighbor told sheriff's deputies he was called home Saturday afternoon when his 13-year-old daughter saw Johnson drag one of their sheep into a barn.

The teenager said Johnson had first knocked on the front and back door of the home in the 1200 block of East Catclaw Street, in a county island in Gilbert, before grabbing the small gray lamb, records showed.

One of the deputies noted that Johnson had bloodshot eyes and smelled of alcohol, and neighbors who confronted him said he admitted everything.

According to the deputy's report, "(The owner) took me into the back yard and showed me where he and (neighbor) pulled up. He took me through the corral gate and I saw the victim for the first time. She was a small gray lamb about three feet tall and four feet long."

The men then told the deputy they walked over to the small barn, opened the door and "saw Leroy holding the lamb down on its side in the hay with his pants down trying to have sex with it. That's when he made the statement about (expletive) the lamb."


The men said Johnson stood up and zipped up his pants.

"The sheep ran out of the barn at that point," the report says.

Johnson apologized, according to the report, and said he'd had "too much to drink."

The Mesa Fire Department placed Johnson, on paid leave Monday pending an internal investigation. Johnson, deputy chief of technical services, has been with the Mesa Fire Department for nearly 26 years.
For the want of an inflatable.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Things are ba a a a a d in Mesa.

kornzakrackin said...

When are you going to stop running stories like this on your blog? Are you really so eager to become a local version of the Inquirer? What a sad aspiration!

I strongly suspect most of your readers come to this blog to see informed comment on local media issues, with a side helping of left-leaning political diatribes for laughs. And I suspect most readers would be happy to see far fewer of these disgust-inspiring freak show stories ... there are plenty of sources for this sort of "amusement."

Anonymous said...

Another wild and wooly tale, I must sheepishly admit. Whatever ewe may say about the disgusting nature of the tale, it's not like it was rammed down your throat.

The burning question: Will Johnson go on the lam now that he's been caught with his johnson in the lamb?

A.McSholty said...

How sad, Kornzakrackin, you seem to have had your sense of humor surgically removed. You're here reading "these disgust-inspiring freak show stories." If you don't want to read them, you certainly don't have to visit the site. That's the wonderful thing about the Internet, if you don't like something you don't have to buy/watch/read it.

Jeannie Davis said...

I personally come here for 2 reasons....one, I know that this blog is always going to have exciting information on a variety of subjects, with a side bar of humor and freaky stories that I would have to search the internet to get a good laugh sometimes. Ron does that for me....LOL. Two, I love my brother-in-law. He is part of a wonderful family that I am proud to be in. Keep up the good work Ron. I am sure it isn't going to keep anonymous from throwing in his 2 cents or reading for that matter. Love ya man.

kornzakrackin said...

Sorry if I sounded like a prude ... and please note, sister-in-law, that my objection was an honest question about content, not an attack on the esteemed Mr. Davis personally.

My point is simply that there's a strong element of cognitive dissonance in a blog that offers some of the best-informed commentary on local politics and media around ... but ya gotta put up with stupid stories about sheep-fucking to get to the good stuff.

Not that there is anything wrong with sheep-fucking!

Maybe Mr. Davis is seeking that ever-elusive 8th grade audience ... it still seems kinda strange to me ... there are a zillion places on the web to find trivial stories of human folly ... do we need another one? Sometimes when I come to Chatter and read these colossally inconsequential stories, I feel like a sheep, if you take my meaning.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, I'm going with the sheep - I mean, Ron - on this one. I love a good distraction, and appreciate that I don't have to look all over the internet to find it. I've said it before on this site, life is not all about hard news and political commentary, although those are provided here as well. Thanks for giving it your all, Ron! And thanks to the sheep! 'How freaking goofy!'