Friday, March 17, 2006

MAN THROWS PRIVATES AT COPS

Jakub Fik is one sick bastard. The Chicago Sun-Times tells you why:
Before cops threw the book at him, Jakub Fik threw something unusual at them -- his penis.

Fik, 33, cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning. When confronted by police, Fik hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers, police said. Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody.

"We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own," said Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan of the 16th District.

Doctors at Northwestern Memorial Hospital reattached Fik's penis Wednesday, sources said. He was listed in good condition Thursday, according to hospital spokesman Andrew Buchanan, who declined to comment further.
What a dick.

8 comments:

yetipelt said...

Alas! Dickless, feckless, fuckless Fik!

kornzakrackin said...

Get this! A guy cut off his penis ... yuk, yuk, yuk.

And then Ron Davis went and called him ... a dick!

Where does Ron come up with this priceless commentary? I NEVER would have come up with that one. He called him a dick ... get it?

Anonymous said...

I remember the first time I cut-off my dick. People made fun of me too.

Jeez Korn, all crits and no constructive help? Maybe you're just a big prick-flicker, oops I mean dick.

kornzakrackin said...

I am justly rebuked, Anonymous ... I didn't mean to get so personal about our esteemed blogger-in-chief. Just trying to raise the level of discourse around here.

Quick review:
Guy cuts off dick.
Davis calls him "a dick."
Yetipelt calls him "dickless, feckless, fuckless."

I think we have a winner!

Anonymous said...

I think we should examine the meaning of this in a broad social context. If we can accept the phallus as a symbol of societies expections of an individual, then we can see how a man overcome by the pressures and rigours of life would simply want to give it all back. The fact that he chose a law enforcment officer to accept his burden is fitting, as he or she represents not only conformation to the written law but also in tha abstract as the ultimate enforcer of social law. It's not as if Jakub kicked over someone's upright bass and smashed it to pieces.

Anonymous said...

A fair and just statement. If this Jakub were to act out in such a way it would lean more to a long held mother complex, a distrust of others whom such a person may fear and perhaps loath, secretly of course. Like a jackal in the shadows. However, in this case a jackal who cut of his own dork.

Anonymous said...

With a twist of the wrist Fik flicked his prick at a dick...

Anonymous said...

I could'nt stop laughing at Jay Leno's comments describing Fik, saying: "He was just nuts" !!