THE DRURY FUND

Saddled with a $7.3 million deficit, Drury University in Springfield is, not surprisingly, begging for bucks. The school sent out its pitch for The Drury Fund, and just listen to the cool clubs you can join:

•For $2,000 (or more) you get into the Harwood Club.
•Too rich for your blood? A grand gets you named to the Forty Acres Club.
•Five hundred clams gets you named to the Scarlet and Gray Club.
•Join the Drury Club for just $250.

If the club route isn't to your liking, lay down a dollar and you're named a "donor."

The blurbage accompanying the mailing makes Drury sound as vital as your first-born child. Marty, Class of '57, wrote:

Just as I support my own family, I feel the importance of supporting the Drury family which provided an excellent education and lifelong friends.

Being pop-culture punks, we can't see "The Drury Fund" without thinking "The Human Fund." If Drury would stage a Festivus celebration, we'd bring the pole.