Missouri Gov. Matt Blunt held a news conference on Wednesday and actually laughed and smiled. The first time it happened the heads of a few reporters and opinion writers immediately exploded (the shooters survived intact because they have seen and heard everything; nothing a politician says or does can surprise a photog). A mult box was liberally splashed with blood, and from that point forward everyone's recording was marred by a low hum.
No one among the sane bought Blunt's excuses for not seeking a second term. This was largely because Blunt never lived up to his surname. Had he said something like -- Polls showed I was losing to a guy named Nixon, and Christ, if that isn't bad, I don't know what is. I'm packing it in, boys and girls, getting out while the getting's good. See you suckers in Hell. -- well, heads still would have exploded, but at least there would be a reason for the sanguinary scene. We would get the last W in our filthy mitts to go with the Who, What, When and Where. We would know truth. We would know the Why.
For now we know nothing that's real. There is only a suspicion that Matt Blunt has been replaced with some sort of malfunctioning robot, an incredible fake that looks and talks like him, but has a touch too much good humor. We will know for sure it's a cyborg if it starts bedding down in the Governor's Mansion in Jefferson City, or maybe picks up a phone and talks with Roy Blunt.
Mitt Romney has his own exploding head problem, only it's not his noggin in danger of becoming blood pudding. It's the other guys running against him. They hate his guts.
According to a New York Times report, Romney has become "the most disliked" candidate, the black-hole equivalent to Miss Congeniality:
“The glee the other candidates go after Romney with is really unique,” said Dan Schnur, a Republican strategist who worked on (John) McCain’s presidential campaign bid in 2000 but is not affiliated with any campaign now. ...
Mr. Schnur used a schoolyard analogy to compare Mr. Romney, the ever-proper Harvard Law School and Business School graduate, to Mr. McCain, the gregarious rebel who racked up demerits and friends at the Naval Academy.
“John McCain and his friends used to beat up Mitt Romney at recess,” Mr. Schnur said.
Hardline conservatives don't feel that warm mojo. Screw McInsane, I won't vote for him and the party can suck it. Same goes for Huckabee. No less than The Godfather says McCain and Huckabee are destroyers:
I'm here to tell you, if either of these two guys get the nomination, it's going to destroy the Republican Party, it's going to change it forever, be the end of it. A lot of people aren't going to vote. You watch.
Over at Free Republic the gore is ankle-deep, Dexter deep. Conservative darling Duncan Hunter has endorsed the much-maligned Huckabee, and Freepers are freaking. They hate Huckabee because he reminds the Freepers too much of Bill Clinton -- a formidable pol who wears the mask of the optimist. Besides, his last name makes them think of hillbillies.
The discussion about Hunter's endorsement makes Scanners look like Gumby -- the Claymation version, not Eddie Murphy, dammit. It's all confusion and bad blood on the slippery floor, and it's only January. The chance of more mayhem is great.