SAVE US FROM THAT EVIL PORN

Pornography has been around for, what, forever? Ever since Daguerre whipped out his daguerreotype, at least, people have been capturing images of naked people engaged in carnal behavior. See?

But some tight rectums continue to rail against porn, claiming the world is in a basket being carried straight to Hell. And who do they blame?

Apple Computer, of course.

Agape Press carries a piece about porn on the 'Pods, the Next Big Danger To Our Children. Get these grafs:

Patrick Trueman, a former prosecutor for the U.S. Department of Justice, believes that "Apple has the responsibility to avoid providing porn content." He stresses that "the public [should] turn against them if they do not." Knowing that children are especially vulnerable to the portable forms of transmission iPods can provide, Trueman states that the government should require companies to provide some sort of digital transfer management so parents can control content.

When asked this week if they planned on providing such safeguards, an Apple spokesperson responded with no comment.

Dr. Judith Reisman, a consultant who worked with the Commission on Pornography in the mid-1980s, is equally as concerned as Trueman with this development. Reisman believes "iPods will bring pornography into the classrooms, sanctuaries, courtrooms, hospitals, libraries, everywhere. It is well past time for [government regulation] to catch up with runaway technology."

Other pro-family advocates are expressing similar concerns. Among them is Tim Wildmon, president of the Tupelo, Mississippi-based American Family Association, who says Apple needs to "demonstrate corporate responsibility" to the families of America.

"They need to offer safeguard alternatives for iPod users," Wildmon says. "By offering no comment, they show no sympathy to the concerns of many American families."

Syndicated radio talk-show host Paul McGuire concurs. "Parents need to understand that the porno industry has now declared all-out war on your family and your kids," he says. McGuire is particularly annoyed that the adult industry is targeting a technology that is popular with children. "Parents need to be warned," he adds.

None of these free-market conservatives would consider suing the maker of DVD players -- they can display porn, you know. The scariest voice in the story belongs to Bob Knight, director of something called the Culture and Family Institute. Check out his neo-Nazi tendencies:

"Parents need to know that they are potentially putting an X-rated porn shop right into their kid's hands when they buy these [portable video players] for them ... parents need to put pressure on companies to offer tamper-proof blocking -- and Congress needs to step in as well if the makers don't respond."

Knight probably wouldn't mind a few beheadings, either, but uttering the word "head" might needlessly arouse him.