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We bow and give thanks to Tristan for 'lerting us to the fine print in this story from The Harvard Crimson.

The lede is straight:

A woman was seriously injured last night after suffering a seizure and falling while riding the escalator out of the Harvard Square T station.

The 52-year-old woman lost consciousness, and, unable to get up, was caught in the escalator’s machinery, according to MBTA police Lt. Salvatore L. Venturelli.

But then things get all goofy:

One eyewitness to the event, who wished to be identified as “Pumpkin the Rat,” said she was standing in view of the escalator when the woman fell.

She said that at approximately 6:40 p.m. she saw the woman fall backward down the escalator, hitting her head several times along the way. Immediately after the fall, a few bystanders came to the women’s aid and called 911, Pumpkin said.

Pumpkin said attempts to revive the woman continued for at least 15 minutes, but that her hands were blue when she was put loaded an ambulance.

Straight outta "Jeepers Creepers Theater" on Channel 13 in Los Angeles.