Friday, February 23, 2007


As pledged, here are the results from our recent CHATTER poll on what to do with Shelia Wright, the councilwoman with those zany, out-of-control dogs:
•She should resign (43.8%).

•She should ditch the dogs (34.4%).

•She should enclose herself in an electric fence and wear a collar so she can't get out (25%).

•She should enter Zeke in the News-Leader's Pet Idol contest (21.9%).

•She should lather up with a couple of fresh, bloody pounds of ground chuck, and jump over a good old fashioned concertina-wire fence into a junkyard guarded by a Rottweiler that hasn't been fed for three days (12.5%).

•She should ignore the proles and continue to pretend her dogs aren't a problem (6.2%).

•She should throw a tea party summit for any neighbors and/or neighboring animals who allege to have been bitten or even scared by her sweet, innocent little pooch, so that everyone can discuss these issues in a non-threatening venue, after which all participants could hug each other and sing "Kumbaya" in perfect harmony (3.1%).
Other reader suggestions included:
Leave anonymous notes saying "bitch," "slut," and "whore," in places where only her dog-owning neighbors will find them, get herself caught on videotape, receive an ex parte order from said neighbors, then tell reporters "Next time, I'll sign my name!"

Adopt the wolf couple that escaped from Predator World on Friday. Add wolf pack to growing menagerie of gentle, loving pets.

Let's see ... wear a pointy hat and black sheet ... stand on a box with her arms outstretched ... wires coming out from under the sheet .. and hook up to CU's power grid.

Get together with Ralph "I'm so happy I could jump up and down and give away silver dollars" Manley and start a half way house for idiot city council members. These two make Slavens and Shikany look like Mensa candidates.
Tough crowd. Good job.


Anonymous said...

Curious to know the numbers of actual poll respondents, not just the percentages?

Anonymous said...

Let's not drag poor Ralph into this.
I mean come on his dogs haven't attacked anyone.

-In the interest of full disclosure I have recieved cash payments of $3 over the last three years from Ralph.

Anonymous said...

This poll has been more exciting than Ralph Manley on six pots of coffee, an eight-ball of meth and four tabs of Viagra. Now THERE's a mental image to haunt you, by God.