SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES?

Ted Haggard, the disgraced hypocrite posing as a man of God, may be coming to Missouri.

Haggard resigned as president of the National Association of Evangelicals last year when a man came forward and said he and Haggard had been intimate. And, by the way, they'd also done a little meth.

Haggard is out of "intensive counseling" and now says he's "completely heterosexual," says Rev. Tim Ralph, one of Haggard's spiritual counselors.

The Associated Press reports:

"He is completely heterosexual," Ralph said. "That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing."

Ralph said the board spoke with people close to Haggard while investigating his claim that his only extramarital sexual contact happened with Mike Jones. The board found no evidence to the contrary.

"If we're going to be proved wrong, somebody else is going to come forward, and that usually happens really quickly," he said. "We're into this thing over 90 days and it hasn't happened." ...

Haggard said in an e-mail Sunday, his first communication in three months to church members, that he and his wife, Gayle, plan to pursue master's degrees in psychology. The e-mail said the family hasn't decided where to move but that they were considering Missouri and Iowa.

Maybe Branson would be a good fit for Haggard. There's already one disgraced evangelist hanging around; they could form a club. Wherever he moves, one thing is certain: Fleeing the scene of his crimes of hypocrisy won't save Ted Haggard from himself.