ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE BEGINS IN MIAMI

So this is how it begins.

Police in Miami, Fla., shot and killed a man who was eating the face of another man on a causeway ramp.

Yeah. Seriously. According to the Miami Herald:

"A road ranger saw a naked man chewing on another man’s face and shouted on his loud speaker for him to back away.Meanwhile, a woman also saw the incident and flagged down a police officer who was in the area. 

The officer, who has not been identified, approached and, seeing what was happening, also ordered the naked man to back away. When he continued the assault, the officer shot him, police sources said. The attacker failed to stop after being shot, forcing the officer to continue firing. Witnesses said they heard at least a half dozen shots."

The coppers are blaming cocaine, of course, because they don't want us to know the truth.

SOME THINGS ARE SACRED

Dude's driving drunk. Cops try to nab him. Dude leads cops on a chase before bailing from his car and fleeing on foot.

And then, as WKMG reports:

The man was spotted fleeing while still clutching a beer.

"There was a 12-pack of Corona he was working on in the front seat," Orange County sheriff's Cmdr. Jeff Stonebreaker said. "He decided to take one of those over the fence with him. So, he bails out of the car and runs from the deputies with a beer in his hand."

The driver, who was not named, was arrested and charged with DUI and aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer.
Authorities said the driver has a history of DUIs.

And a thirst for bad beer.

DRIVER BUSTED AFTER 33 SUSPENSIONS

And he's only 24. That takes some doing. WKMG reports:

A Central Florida man whose driver's license has been suspended 33 times was pulled over on Wednesday for an expired tag and arrested on weapons and drug charges, according to police.

Keith Ferdinand Gumbs was busted at 9:10 in the morning. Cops say Gumbs was carrying marijuana and a 9mm Glock. He was also arrested for "non-moving traffic violations."

JUST LIKE ROMEO AND JULIET?

Jessica Lunsford was 9 when she was abducted from her home in Homosassa, Fla., in 2005. John Evander Couey did the crime. He sexually assaulted the girl before burying her alive. Couey led cops to her body.

Mark Lunsford, the girl's father, has lobbied hard for harsher penalties for sex crimes involving kids. Now, his 18-year-old son -- Jessica's half-brother -- is accused of fondling a 14-year-old girl in Ohio.

The Tampa Tribune reports:

The incident stems from a complaint filed by the mother of Joshua Lunsford's young girlfriend. He has pleaded not guilty.

The mother says in a police report that Joshua Lunsford fondled the girl at a skating rink and outside a shopping mall on March 30 and 31 while the two were kissing.

Although the mother says the girl was a willing participant, Ohio law prohibits anyone 18 or older from having sexual contact with anyone younger than 16. Lunsford turned 18 in February.

If Lunsford were less than four years older than the girl, he only could be prosecuted on a misdemeanor charge. Because he is four years and one month older, he faces a fourth-degree felony punishable by up to 1 1/2 years in prison. ...

Mark Lunsford said it has not been proved that his son has done anything wrong. Even what has been alleged, he said, cannot be compared with the crimes of the pedophiles he has helped put in prison through his work with the Jessica Marie Lunsford Foundation.

"We're talking about Romeo and Juliet here, not some 36-year-old pervert following around a 10-year-old," Lunsford said.

A lovestruck Romeo sings a streetsuss serenade / Laying everybody low with a love song that he made ...

LIVING UP TO HIS NAME

Jethro Monestime. You know he's destined to do something stupid.

Monestime used to work as a luggage handler at a Broward County airport. Used to, until he messed around with the airport's speaker system. WESH reports:

Monestime said he used his cell phone to play a recording (over the speakers) that said, quote: "If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, they should be put to death." The announcement came from a variation of Leviticus 20:13.

Broward County Mayor Josephus Eggelletion Junior said the sheriff's office will turn the case over to the state attorney's office to determine whether criminal charges should be filed.

Not coincidentally, a gay couple were within earshot of Monestime's "prank." Goodbye, Jethro, and good riddance.

NO ARMS, ONE LEG, HELL ON WHEELS

Michael Francis Wiley is 40. This week, he was arrested following an eight-minute car chase in Pasco County, Fla.

It wasn't the first time Wiley tried to run from cops. WKMG reports:

He spent time in prison for kicking a Florida Highway Patrol trooper after an accident in 1996. He led police on a 120 mph chase in 1998.

The story is remarkable because Wiley has no arms and only one leg. He can't get a driver's license -- too many revocations. He's being held on $500,000 bond.

And yes, we wonder how a one-legged man kicked a trooper.

HER NAME IS ANDREA

The 2007 hurricane season has begun. On Wednesday, the National Hurricane Center bestowed the name Andrea on a subtropical cyclone about 150 miles east of Jacksonville.

CONGRESSIONAL CANDIDATE: BLACKS CAN'T SWIM

Tramm Hudson is running to replace Katherine Harris in the 13th Congressional District in Florida. He may have doomed his candidacy when he decided to riff during a Christian Coalition forum. A video camera recorded his words. The Sarasota Herald Tribune reports:

In the 27-second clip, which first appeared on the conservative Web site redstate.com and quickly spread to other blogs, Hudson spoke about a training exercise during which the infantry company he commanded was to cross a river.

"A large number were black," Hudson said. "I grew up in Alabama. I understand, uh, I know from experience, that blacks are not the greatest swimmers or may not even know how to swim."

Hudson made the comments during a speech at candiates’ forum hosted by the Christian Coalition, according to a Hudson campaign manager. He could not recall the date of the appearance.

Hudson apologized for the comments in a statement:

"I said something stupid," he said. "I apologize for it and would apologize in person to anyone hurt by my comments. To those who are understandably offended, you have my deepest apologies, and I want you to know that it was out of character for me and those who know me know that to be a fact. This was a thoughtless remark that does not reflect my lifetime commitment to treating everyone fairly and without bias. I apologize to everyone who is offended by this comment."

When speaking during a political forum, it is probably not wise to talk about how blacks can't swim.