THE 23RD HOUR

No time and all the time in the world left before Tuesday's election. We chatted/debated with a Nancy Hagan door-knocker on Saturday. Her counterparts in both major parties were doing likewise all weekend. Lit drops. Phone banks. Official work.

The mailbox is full of literature. Republicans have a clear money advantage; how else to explain the six lit cards we've received from the Missouri Republican Party? Every piece claimed Democrats would raise taxes and go nutballs on spending.

(The funniest GOP card said taxes and spending are out of control. Pardon us, but who's running the government these days? When one party rules the house, senate and executive on both the state and national level, that party owns the cake.)

An automated phone call comes from John Ashcroft, who insists Jim Talent is the pro-life candidate. Glad to hear the former Missouri governor and U.S. attorney general is adjusting to life as a telemarketer.

Official busywork leading to Monday, when the calls and cards will increase. Expect amplified cussing and cordless phone destruction in some households.

But plenty of unofficial tasks are being done on behalf of candidates for public office.

•Granny Geek confirms that Hagan, a candidate for state representative, has hired private security because of "disturbing" phone calls.

•Someone ran over the signs in our yard for Doug Harpool and Dave Coonrod.

•Others report having signs stolen or uprooted from their yards.

No one can, or should, be surprised by the hoodlums. Punks like them are a dime a dozen. And that's suggested retail.

GANG BANG

Only a handful of weeks until the general election, and that, of course, means the streets of Springfield are teeming with hoodlums. Who knew that gangs were so attuned to the rhythms of politics?

The Springfield Public Schools' board of education got an earful of gang news on Tuesday; to hear some tell it, the halls of Central High School are full of danger, masquerading in long T-shirts.

Long shirt? You must be in a gang.

That sort of constipated mindset is often on local display, especially when alleged gangs are involved and their kids might be in danger. Otherwise-smart people become fearmongers. They believe everything The Man tells them, and never think to question authority: The police chief and prosecutor said gangs are a problem? OK. Nevermind that the prosecutor is up for reelection.

Sometimes, even reporters believe the hype. Today's News-Leader account of the school board meeting includes this telling slip:

Local law enforcement officials have been making efforts to stop gang activity in Springfield. Since August, Springfield police have made more than 80 felony arrests related to gang activity; a grand jury has indicted at least 26 gang members or associates.

Absolutely no question about it -- cops are "making efforts to stop gang activity." Every one of those 80 felony arrests involves "gang activity." The 26 who've been indicted? Every single person is a "gang member or associate."

These are facts? How does the newspaper know?

SEVERED HEADS IN DISCO BAR

Five heads, all human, tossed onto a crowded dance floor in western Mexico, according to early reports. Cops say drug gangs are responsible for the littering:

"Hooded men dressed in black stormed into a bar, fired into the air and threw down five heads," said Rosaura Trujillo, a spokeswoman for the Michoacan state prosecutor's office.

The men also left a card with the message: "The family does not kill for money. It does not kill women. It does not kill innocents. It kills only those who deserve to die. Everyone take note - this is divine justice."

Sol y Sombra is the name of the club. Sun & Shade. A place to lose your head.

LESBIANS, COME OUT TO PLAY

A guy from Queens -- he's 28 -- is on the street in the West Village on Friday night. He sees a group of women, stops one and tells her she's pretty.

The 19-year-old blows him off. The man, Dwayne Buckle, reportedly uses a "homophobic slur" and tells the women he's going to have sex with all of them. In not so many words. He also spits on the woman he's trying to woo.

The result: Buckle is in critical condition after being stabbed in the stomach. WNBC reports:

Joining in the attack were the woman's six friends ranging in age from 18 to 31, according to police. The Daily News said they beat him with belts, and punched and kicked him.

Police arrested the women a block away on charges of attempted murder and gang assault. ...

"He spat on us and threw a cigarette," another of the woman told the Daily News. "This is a hate crime," she said hours after the incident, as police led the seven suspects out of the 6th Precinct stationhouse.

According to a published report in Saturday's editions of the New York Post, relatives and friends of the women -- who are all from Newark -- said they are lesbians and denied the women attacked Buckle. The Daily News referred to the women as “a gang of petite but ornery lesbians."

Petite but ornery and handy with a steak knife.