FEDS: NO ZOMBIE VIRUS

A guy in New Jersey guts himself and throws his intestines at cops. And, of course, there's the dude in Miami who decided to snack on someone's face.

Of course it's not zombies — or we'd like to think so, except the government is now telling us it's not zombies. Which makes us wonder: zombies?

The Associated Press gets in on the action:

The Centers for Disease Control (used) the "apocalypse" as the teaser for its emergency preparedness blog. It worked, attracting younger people who might not otherwise have read the agency's guidance on planning evacuation routes and storing water and food. 

(Now) chatter had become so rampant that CDC spokesman David Daigle sent an email to the Huffington Post, answering questions about the possibility of the undead walking among us. 

"CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead," he wrote, adding: "(or one that would present zombie-like symptoms.)"

That's it. If the feds say there is no zombie virus, there is a zombie virus. We are so hosed. We're moving here.

NOM NOM NOM, FACE

A follow to our post about the face-eating naked guy in Miami who refused to stop munching and was shot dead by cops.

Our friends at Gawker have published what may be some photos of the victim. Given that much of his face became a snack for a wack, it isn't pretty. But God, so graphic!

Click at your own peril.

ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE BEGINS IN MIAMI

So this is how it begins.

Police in Miami, Fla., shot and killed a man who was eating the face of another man on a causeway ramp.

Yeah. Seriously. According to the Miami Herald:

"A road ranger saw a naked man chewing on another man’s face and shouted on his loud speaker for him to back away.Meanwhile, a woman also saw the incident and flagged down a police officer who was in the area. 

The officer, who has not been identified, approached and, seeing what was happening, also ordered the naked man to back away. When he continued the assault, the officer shot him, police sources said. The attacker failed to stop after being shot, forcing the officer to continue firing. Witnesses said they heard at least a half dozen shots."

The coppers are blaming cocaine, of course, because they don't want us to know the truth.