POOR STEPHENS WOMEN

The Columbia, Mo., school plans to shut down two dorms next year. A hundred women -- and 40 pets -- will be displaced, according to The Associated Press:

The work at Searcy and Prunty halls will cause a temporary shuffle that will displace about 100 students and roughly 40 pets.

The residents will live in other dorms, but where the pets will go is unclear. The two dorms are the only ones on campus that allow pets.

Oh, the humanity. And the students, too.

SUBSTITUTE FROM A GROUP HOME

A couple weeks ago at a South Bend, Ind., middle school, students acted like they were fighting -- for at least seven minutes, because that's the length of a student-shot video that was posted for a short time on YouTube.

According to the South Bend Tribune, there's a good reason the teacher let the students roughhouse in class:

[T]he substitute lives in a local home for people with chronic mental illness. The residents have bedrooms, eat meals together and enter the community daily on their own. She moved into a home like this in 1999.

She says she was diagnosed with paranoia. At age 60, she also touts a master’s degree. She has experience teaching in the classroom ...

The sub never told the district about her mental illness, though she worked in South Bend schools for more than a decade. The district never asked. It fired the substitute after the YouTube video surfaced.

The student who shot the video -- most likely on a cell phone -- is suspended; the school principal wants him expelled. Cell phones are prohibited in middle school.

HUNTER HATER

Fourth-grade kid in Vermont goes to school, talks turkey with classmate during the break known as snack time. Teacher overhears conversation, goes all freaky.

Jared Harrington is now being home-schooled. His parents are on the hunt for a teacher trophy. As the Times Argus report:

Jared Harrington's mother, Wendy Bordwell, and his father, Martin Harrington, removed their son from school with 10 days left in the school year and home-schooled the 10-year-old boy.

"We are aggressively pursuing Jared's right to free speech," Bordwell said. ...

Bordwell said in a telephone interview that she believed her son was "singled out" by Kathleen Backus, Jared's teacher, while talking about hunting with a schoolmate.

Bordwell said that, during snack time, Jared was discussing the recent spring turkey hunting season with a classmate when Backus interrupted the conversation, insisting that there be no talk of "killing" in her classroom. ...

"Jared's teacher covered her ears, trying to block the conversation, and singing 'la la la la.' When asked by another school employee about her odd behavior, the teacher claimed she did not want to hear about the boys and their 'killing.' The boys were left feeling that they were not legitimate hunters, but 'killers' in the eyes of an important authority figure in their lives," Bordwell said.

After Jared's parents decided to take up the matter with the school board, Backus assigned 137 pages of homework for the boy.

"That led us to believe he was being singled out," Bordwell said.

Does Kathleen Backus enjoy her Thanksgiving bird?

PEACE, LOVE, KNOWLEDGE

Barack Obama campaigned hard to end politics "as we know it" -- a kōan perfect for the picayune American mind obsessed with change. Too many Americans are blissfully ignorant about politics (one in three can't name the governor of their state, and three in 10 can't name the vice president of their country). They want to change politics as they don't know it. Maybe then they'll pay attention.

But then again, no. Attention requires effort requires sacrifice, and we're just not into that. What, we should search for information and actually read it? Exercise the big muscle between the ears? Maybe if you bring it to our (desk)(couch)(bed) and hand it to us with the really important stuff highlighted. So, you know, we don't have to work at it.

And slap a slogan on it. We love slogans. "Change We Can Believe In." "A Leader We Can Believe In." "Ignorance Is Strength."

The men who would lead our country appreciate and rush to the lowest common denominator. They talk good, high-minded games to the faithful in their flocks, but they cater to the people who know Peyton Manning but draw a blank on Vladimir Putin, the folks who can't name the Sunni branch of Islam (to them, probably, all Muslims are sweaty, swarthy terrorists).

They follow another time-honored kōan: Keep it simple. Don't bother with facts. Nugget-sized platitudes and zingers, hold the sauce. Don't discuss the difficulties in the Middle East, the complexities of the U.S. relationship with China, the fact that Americans pay half as much (or less) than Europeans at the pump. Don't make people think. Hurts. Brains.

John McCain comes to Springfield on Wednesday. He's supposed to talk about energy and the economy. Avid Republicans will eat the sweets (even though they don't especially care for the confectioner). Avid Democrats will naysay his offerings as leftovers from the Bush kitchen.

Everyone else will wonder why traffic around Missouri State University is bollixed up, but only if it's inconvenient to them. What they know about John McCain and Barack Obama would fill a bumper sticker but not a brochure. They will decide this election based on the last, best slogan they saw on a 30-second ad, sometime in late October.

"The darkness of insanity," as the immortal poet-philospher Declan Patrick MacManus put it. Don't bother looking for a switch. The strong and the trusted like it better with the lights out.

DIVINE 69

A little soixante-neuf never hurt anyone, height differences notwithstanding. But slap the number 69 on a T-shirt and all hell breaks loose in Billerica, Mass.

A 14-year-old was suspended from middle school for wearing a shirt that said "SOPHOMORE 69." WCVB reports:

Christina Morrison, an eighth-grader at the Marshall Middle School, was sent to the office Tuesday when she arrived at school wearing the shirt. The assistant principal told Morrison and her stepfather that the shirt was "sexually explicit," and that she was being suspended for the day, the Lowell Sun reported.

The teen said she felt like crying because she only wore the shirt she'd recently purchased from a store called Urban Behavior because she liked it.

The school principal, Roland Boucher, said he wouldn't talk about the specific incident, but added that the school's dress code prohibits "any clothing that displays offensive language or images or suggests inappropriate or illegal behavior is not allowed in school."

The teen's mother, Kimberly Cifelli, wants an apology. Cifelli says she doesn't understand why the school says the shirt is sexually explicit. C'mon, Mom.

WRITER WITH A REAL VOICE

It pays to be bland.

Exhibit A: Steven Barber, former student at the University of Virginia's College at Wise. He turned in a short story for a creative-writing class. His instructor freaked out at the story's violent tone. Barber, 23, was forced into a psych bin, then expelled.

The Wall Street Journal reports:

"It had to be acted on immediately," says Christopher Scalia, the instructor. He alerted administrators, who reacted swiftly, searching Mr. Barber's dorm room and car. Upon discovering three guns, they had him committed to a psychiatric institution for a weekend. Then they expelled him.

Yet the psychiatrists who evaluated Mr. Barber during his hospitalization determined he was no threat to himself or others. Mr. Barber says the guns were for protection from threats such as school shootings. He maintains that his story, titled "Sh---y First Drafts," was merely a fictional attempt to address school shootings such as the April 16, 2007, Virginia Tech massacre, which left 33 dead, including the gunman. The story "was supposed to show how disturbed people are who do that," Mr. Barber says. ...

The problem for Mr. Scalia, the instructor, was the story's references to the class and its assignments and to the murder of a professor called Mr. Christopher, a name identical to his own first name. Mr. Barber, a Navy veteran who served in the Iraq war, wrote of stockpiling alcohol and drugs for a binge and sleeping with the "cold and heavy steel" of a gun under his pillow. "I knew I had a choice," he wrote. "Murder or suicide. Either way, death was imminent."

Scalia is the son of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. He believes Barber's story was about him.

Barber gave the school enough ammo to shoot him. He was already on school probation for booze and for possession a nightstick-like weapon. He also had a 3.9 GPA and was on the dean's list. He says he'd write about "butterflies and rainbows" if he had a second chance at Wise.

The WSJ hed: Schools Struggle With Dark Writings. The real struggle seems to be with common sense.

11-YEAR-OLD TASERED

In Florida, in an elementary school classroom. Incredible. A deputy in Orange County says she had to do it, especially after taking a punch to the nose.

WFTV reports:

The girl at Moss Park Elementary punched the deputy in the nose so hard the deputy went to the hospital. While an 11-year-old shocked by a Taser sounds extreme to some parents, other parents told Eyewitness News the girl deserved it. ...

According to the arrest report, before school Thursday morning, another student told teachers at Moss Park that Thaliamar [Jimenez] pushed a boy into the street. When teachers tried to talk to the girl she became combative, started pushing her desk and chair and even spit at the teachers.

The school resource officer, Orange County Deputy Donna Hudepohl, tried to take Thaliamar to the principal's office and that's when the child started swinging, hitting the officer in the nose. Hudepohl was transported to Florida East Hospital. She sustained severe bruising to the nasal cavity as a result of the injury. ...

Jimenez was transported to Florida East Hospital to have the Taser prongs removed, but she had no other injuries. She was arrested and charged with battery on a law enforcement officer, disrupting a school function as well as resisting with violence.

Mom says the girl has a learning disability. The Taser probably won't help.

HELLO, TEACHER

Another teacher allegedly having sex with a student, this time in Benton County, Ark. The Benton County Daily Record reports:

Melissa G. Monroe, 32 of Bella Vista, was arrested Tuesday for sexual assault in the second degree and knowingly furnishing alcohol to a minor.

Bentonville police began investigating after receiving information that Monroe had been involved in a sexual relationship with a male student, a police news release states.

Monroe teaches math at Bentonville High School. Here's her school profile. You make the call.

A (GRAPHIC) NOVEL IDEA

It's The Graphic Classroom, a site created by Ozarks writer Chris Wilson. Let him explain:

The Graphic Classroom is a resource for teachers and librarians to help them stock high quality, educational-worthy, graphic novels and comics in their classroom or school library. I read and review every graphic novel or comic on this blog and give it a rating as to appropriateness for the classroom.

We're all students and learners. It's always good to have guides.

THINGS WORTH READING

Biden on the stump: Friday's New York Times piece on Joe Biden's campaign is a keeper, if only for the back story of Biden's life. Check this graf:

“Let me tell you a little story,” Mr. Biden told the crowd at the University of Iowa. “I got elected (in 1972) when I was 29, and I got elected November the 7th. And on Dec. 18 of that year, my wife and three kids were Christmas shopping for a Christmas tree. A tractor-trailer, a guy who allegedly — and I never pursued it — drank his lunch instead of eating his lunch, broadsided my family and killed my wife instantly, and killed my daughter instantly, and hospitalized my two sons, with what were thought to be at the time permanent, fundamental injuries.”

He won't win the Democratic nomination, but he knows his foreign policy. And he's one of the few candidates who actually seems human.

Babies know best: Check out this Christian Science Monitor story about a Yale study on infant development. Fascinating grafs:

The study released last month presented babies with a diorama-like display of an anthropomorphic circle struggling to make it up a hill. Just when it appeared that all hope was lost, a heroic triangle appeared, and pushed the circle to the top. The round climber bounces, clearly elated to have reached the summit. The same scenario is played out again, only this time a square appears at the top of the hill and pushes the circle to the bottom.

The babies were then asked to pick a toy – the helper or the hinderer, as scientists called them. One hundred percent of 6-month-olds and 87.5 percent of 10-month-olds chose the helper. The results were consistent even when the triangle and the square swapped places as good guy and bad guy. In several other iterations of the experiment, the helper, regardless of shape or color, won out.

Our take #1: It's all downhill after six months. Take #2: It's true that good guys always win. To identify good guys, wait until someone wins.

Failure is not an option: Students at Central Park East High School in East Harlem, N.Y. are not doing well. Many are failing. The solution? Dumb it down. As WCBS reports:

Last month, Principal Bennett Lieberman sent off a stern memo to teachers.

"If you are not passing more than 65 percent of your students in a class, then you are not designing your expectations to meet their abilities, and you are setting your students up for failure, which, in turn, limits your success as a professional."

Numbing dumbing never solved anything.

HARDSCRABBLE, INDEED

We're lucky to live in the Ozarks -- lucky just being able to survive here. The New York Times on Wednesday tells the story of College of the Ozarks, and in doing so, the paper reveals how this region is viewed from afar.

College of the Ozarks, according to the paper, is "spread across a thousand acres of the hardscrabble hills and hollows of southwestern Missouri." Makes you want to hit your knees and thank God you can wring a living from the barren, meager land. It's a wonder more people don't up and die from their Joadesque torment.

The NYT report does include this factoid-packed graf:

College of the Ozarks also gets students to do its maintenance and office jobs; student labor accounts for 7.5 percent of the $51 million budget, said Rick Hughes, the business manager. And the college has a $362.8 million endowment, 173rd among the nation’s colleges, which allows it to hand out $11.5 million in scholarships. Three of four students have family incomes low enough to qualify for Federal Pell grants of up to $4,310.

SUMMER BUMMER

In South Carolina, the Pickens County Library System has shuttered its summer program, after callers claimed the classes promoted "witchcraft."

The School Library Journal reports:

The astrology program was labeled as "witchcraft" by callers, while the Zen garden and yoga programs were objected to as "promoting other religions." The t-shirts workshop? "Promotes the hippie culture and drug use," callers said.

Some complainers said they would "get" the library system. A reporter traced some of the menacing calls and e-mails to members of a Baptist church. Jesus must be proud.

MUSIC TEACHER GETS PAYBACK

Savannah Larson, a middle-school student in Longview, Wash., had apparently complained several times to school administrators about her music teacher, Ms. Noakes.

Constance S. "Connie" Noakes liked to curse in class, the 13-year-old student claimed. But nothing came of Savannah's complaints.

This month, Savannah took her message to a wider audience. As The Associated Press reports:

Larson gave the first performance in the spring concert attended by about 700 students, teachers, relatives and friends at Monticello Middle School. At the end of singing Rogers & Hart's "Where or When," she delivered what first appeared to be a verbal nod to the instructor,

"I forgot to thank my wonderful choir teacher, Ms. Noakes, for all that she's taught me these past couple of years, like always knowing what to say in any situation, like...," Larson began, then let fly a stream of expletives and obscenities she said Noakes regularly used in class.

The next day, June 6, the eighth grade honors student was suspended for 10 school days, forcing her to miss her graduation ceremony and party.

Noakes still has her job, but the school district says it's looking into the allegations about her language and classroom behavior. Seems they finally got the message.

VIVU ANGLA!

Writing a guest column in Monday's News-Leader, Rep. Brian Nieves makes his case for a constitutional amendment mandating English as Missouri's "official language."

Never mind the lack of a similar push to make sure people can read or spell. Nieves lets us know that the English situation, she is near a breaking point:

As it stands, nothing in state law nor our constitution mandates English be used in official proceedings. Any official proceeding in our state can be conducted in any language. If a town in Missouri decided to do official meetings in a language other than English, there would be nothing in our state constitution or laws to stop them. A person might say, "well, that would never happen in Missouri." I pray that's true. But, I'm not willing to risk it. Let's remember the old adage, an ounce of prevention being worth a pound of cure.

At last, a loophole for our dream: a Springfield City Council meeting conducted entirely in Esperanto. Piedfrapo malantau.

OUR FUTURE LEADERS

Congratulations to the winners of this year's science fair at Pawleys Island Christian Academy in South Carolina. The school expects excellence from its students, and they have apparently met that expectation.

According to this account in the Georgetown Times:

Brian Benson, an eighth-grade student who won first place in the Life Science/Biology category for his project “Creation Wins!!!,” says he disproved part of the theory of evolution. Using a rolled-up paper towel suspended between two glasses of water with Epsom Salts, the paper towel formed stalactites. He states that the theory that they take millions of years to develop is incorrect.

“Scientists say it takes millions of years to form stalactites,” Benson said. “However, in only a couple of hours, I have formed stalactites just by using paper towel and Epsom Salts.”

Finally, proof that we did not evolve from stalactites.

WE LUV ARE SKOOLS

This weekend, 613 students in Forth Worth will not be allowed to walk across the stage for graduation. They failed the TAKS test -- the Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills exam.

At Trimble Tech High School, several students instead walked a picket line, protesting their exclusion from graduation. WFAA reports:

Crystal Martinez complained that while she finished at the top of her class with a 3.5 grade point average, she is now blocked from graduation by failing the TAKS test.

"We know we're not going to get our diplomas, but we just want to walk across the stage," Martinez said. "That's all we ask for right now."

Classmate Chloe Walker agreed. "I believe that I have at least the right to walk the stage with all my friends," she said. "I made it this far, and I have all my credits I need. I deserve to get my certificate of completion."

School officials said non-graduating seniors will have a chance to take the TAKS test again in July. If they pass, they can participate in a separate commencement exercise in August.

Poor kids. But go to the link and scope out the sign held aloft by one protester: Let Are Kids Walk. You bet. Just as soon as you can spell.

TRY, TRY, TRY AGAIN

Elizabeth Rojas used to be an elementary-school principal in San Antonio. But she couldn't pass a state exam required for the gig.

Couldn't pass it? Let's revise that statement. Rojas failed the test -- 38 times. WOAI reports:

The district has now removed her from that job and given her the position of administrative assistant at Smith.

She now makes just slightly less than her nearly $78,000 a year principal's salary.

A retired administrator is now in charge of Smith Elementary School. Bet he appreciates Rojas becoming his "administrative assistant."

JOKING ABOUT A GUNMAN

Scales Elementary School in Murfreesboro, Tenn., may soon have a few job openings.

Last week the sixth grade took its annual weeklong field trip to Fall Creek Falls, a state park. On the last night of the trip, teachers and staffers pulled their annual prank.

And ha-ha, the adults thought it would be hilarious if they told the kids that a gunman was on the loose, firing shots in the park.

Teachers told the students to hide under tables. The lights in their common room were extinguished. A teacher disguised in a hooded sweatshirt yanked on doors.

According to The Tennessean, several students were crying and begging for their lives.

Five minutes later, the "prank" ended. Over the weekend, dozens of parents met with school administrators and listened as the principal talked about "poor judgment." The school also issued a news release:

The lead teacher told the students and other adults that there were people somewhere in the park shooting guns but they were not shooting people; they were driving around playing. He added that the Park Ranger had advised him to tell everyone to take cover as a precaution.

The lead teacher had already instructed the children (as a precaution) to get under the tables. The children remained there quietly for a short period of time.

Soon after, the lights were turned on and the children were informed that this was the prank that they had been forewarned about and was just a joke.

The staff used this incident as a teaching opportunity. The children were praised for following the rules of the school system's "Code Red" procedure.

Most of the students stood up and said, "That was a good one." "Yeah, you got me." High fives were exchanged. The children were then sent to their dorms to clean up before bedtime.

The school principal -- ironically, a graduate of Virginia Tech -- sees nothing funny about the incident. She's promised disciplinary action.

THE RANTS OF CHO SEUNG-HUI

Late Wednesday came news that Cho Seung-Hui sent NBC a package of materials, including a typewritten screed, video clips and digital photos. The package was sent from a post office between Cho's two shooting sprees -- after he killed a woman and an RA in a dorm, but before he killed 30 others in a classroom building.

So far, most of the video aired has Cho speaking quietly, his tone close to regret. But in one snippet Cho's tone is venomous, and he is wearing the clothes he died in. "You forced me into a corner and gave me only one option," he snarls. "The decision was yours. Now you have blood on your hands that will never wash off."

A couple of same-day thoughts:

•Fascinating. Macabre, but much more than that -- you can see the flat affect he displayed in December 2005, behavior that led to a temporary detention order on the shooter. Seeing his deranged mind helps explain the insanity of his last acts.

•We'd like to see it all, but NBC News is engaged in a display of public hand-wringing: what to air? what to keep secret? will publicizing this encourage others like Cho? It's all very nauseating. NBC News isn't supposed to be in the business of suppressing information from the public. You get an exclusive on a big-ass story, you run with it.

Full disclosure of what Cho sent to NBC News should be viewed through the Theodore Kaczynski prism. The New York Times and the Washington Post printed Kaczynski's 35,000-word "manifesto," and his brother recognized the disturbed writing style. The Unabomber was caught. By posting all of the Cho material, NBC would provide a unique opportunity for mass study of a mass murderer.

•Cho is the Charles Whitman of our time. Like Cho, Whitman killed two people, then paused before beginning a bloodier rampage. Like Cho, Whitman left a note, some of it written between killing sprees.

Unlike Cho, Whitman seemed to want to understand why he was becoming a killer. From Whitman's note:

I don't quite understand what it is that compels me to type this letter. Perhaps it is to leave some vague reason for the actions I have recently performed. I don't really understand myself these days. I am supposed to be an average reasonable and intelligent young man. However, lately (I can't recall when it started) I have been a victim of many unusual and irrational thoughts.

From Cho there is only rage, and blame for everyone else:

I didn't have to do it. I could have left. I could have fled. But now I am no longer running ... You have vandalized my heart, raped my soul and torched my conscience. You thought it was one pathetic boy’s life you were extinguishing. Thanks to you, I die like Jesus Christ, to inspire generations of the weak and the defenseless people.

His suitemates say Cho rarely spoke. He knew enough to keep the madness inside.

WE STILL DON'T KNOW JACK

News and information are everywhere. The old wire monopoly is no more. And the public still doesn't know much.

A new Pew Research Center report is worth digesting. Here's the lede:

On average, today's citizens are about as able to name their leaders, and are about as aware of major news events, as was the public nearly 20 years ago. The new survey includes nine questions that are either identical or roughly comparable to questions asked in the late 1980s and early 1990s. In 2007, somewhat fewer were able to name their governor, the vice president, and the president of Russia, but more respondents than in the earlier era gave correct answers to questions pertaining to national politics.

One in three people can't name the governor of their state -- this, despite dramatic increases in education for people in the U.S.

We know our celebrities, of course:

More than nine-in-ten Americans (93%) could identify Arnold Schwarzenegger as the California governor or a former action-movie star -- both responses were counted as correct in the scoring. An equally large proportion of the public identified Hillary Clinton as a U.S. senator, a former first lady, a Democratic leader, or a candidate for president. Clear majorities can also correctly identify Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (65%) and Sen. Barack Obama (61%). House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is recognized by about half of the public (49%).

Vladimir Putin? Known by name to fewer than four in 10 Americans. Lewis "Scooter" Libby? Only three in 10 people could identify him.

Where do people get their news?

Nearly four-in-ten people (37%) regularly use at least one type of internet news source, either the news pages of major search engines such as Google or Yahoo (25%), the websites of the television news organizations (22%), or the websites of major national newspapers such as the New York Times or USA Today (12%). Additionally, about one-in-ten (11%) read online blogs where people discuss events in the news.

A majority of respondents get their news the old-school way -- from watching a local TV newscast or reading a local newspaper. Congrats to you for being part of the one-in-10 clique.