WHO'S ZOOMING WHO?

Northwest Springfield is home to the hottest Missouri House race in Greene County, as three Democrats and two Republicans battle for an open seat in the 137th District.

With the primary less than a month away, rhetoric is rising. One of the Republican candidates, Dan Scott, allegedly told a voter that he was supporting a Democrat for circuit clerk.

Scott denies it. His accuser, Derek White, is running for circuit clerk. Greene County Democrats, the website, has the scoop, in this letter from White:

I was speaking with my Grandmother the other day and she told me a man came by that was running for the 137th legislative district and asked if he could put a sign in her yard.

She agreed on the terms that if this person voted for me ... in November, that he could place the sign. Oh, by the way I am the Democratic candidate. Before she was finished telling me about her conversation with the Politician at the door I found out that the man who promised my Grandmother that he and his wife would give me their support and 2 solid votes was Republican Dan Scott who is vying for the 137th Legislative District in Northwest Springfield.

Yes, even Republican Dan Scott has endorsed my candidacy over Republican incumbent Greene County Circuit Court Clerk Michael Carr.

Well, no, he isn't. Scott posts his reply:

I don't want to cause you any embarassment but I should let you know that I am supporting Michael Carr for County Clerk (sic). Michael and his wife have been acquaintances of mine for many years and I support him in the job he is doing.

I do not know for sure how the impression may have been given to your Grandmother that I was endorsing you. I only recall mentioning that my bright blue sign would look good beside your red one. I have many households throughout the district that are displaying both Democratic and my campaign signs. This seems to be because people appreciate someone like me that was raised in the district wanting to represent it. I have appreciated the fact that I am recieving (sic) a great deal of cross-over support because of my roots in the district.

Derek White's grandmother is a liar? Mike Carr is the county clerk? Dan Scott has bright blue signs? Who knew?

GANNETT REPORTS REV DECLINE

The corporate parent of the News-Leader issued its second-quarter earnings report on Wednesday and blamed "softness" in the British ad market for some of the 8.3 percent decline in earnings. The Associated Press has it this way:

Gannett, which publishes 90 daily newspapers including USA Today, the largest-selling daily, earned $310.5 million in the 13 weeks ending June 25, down from $338.6 million in the comparable period a year ago.

The company earned $1.31 per share, in line with the estimates of analysts polled by Thomson Financial and below the $1.37 reported a year ago.

Revenue climbed 6.1 percent to $2.03 billion from $1.91 billion a year ago, as the company consolidated results from newspaper operations in Detroit. Assuming Gannett owned the same properties in both periods, revenue would have increased 0.5 percent.

Last year the company bought the Detroit Free Press from Knight Ridder Inc. and combined it into a partnership with The Detroit News, which MediaNews Group Inc. bought from Gannett.

At USA Today, advertising revenue rose 0.7 percent in the quarter while paid advertising pages declined 7 percent to 1,107 from 1,191.

Reported newspaper advertising revenue rose 6.4 percent in the quarter, or 0.3 percent had the company owned the same properties in both periods. Same-property advertising revenue in the United States rose 2.2 percent.

Newspaper operating expenses rose 9.8 percent in the quarter on the inclusion of Detroit, or 1.3 percent on a same-property basis. Newsprint expenses, including the addition of Detroit, rose 12.2 percent, reflecting higher newsprint prices and usage. On a same-property basis, newsprint expenses rose 5.2 percent.

In a statement, Gannett CEO Craig Dubow said positive domestic results were "partially offset by continued soft ad demand" in the British market, which is showing signs of stabilizing.

For those who don't know the correct way to pronounce "Gannett," remember -- the emphasis is always on the "net."

WORST. SENTENCE. EVER.

It's supposed to be bad. Extremely bad. Terrifically bad. The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest demands it.

The annual contest for the worst opening sentence in an imaginary novel goes to Jim Guigli of Carmichael, Calif., who uncorks this puppy:

Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean.

So bad it makes us shiver. On a dark and stormy night, of course.

COPS PROBE INFANT'S DEATH

The boy was 7 months old. Cops responded to a residence at 1720 E. Kearney St. and found the baby wasn't breathing. "The child was transported to St. John’s Hospital where he died earlier today," police spokeswoman Angela Burgess said on Tuesday.

"The police investigation is currently listed as a death investigation pending results from the medical examiner’s investigation," Burgess added in a news release.

SYD BARRETT, 60

The crazy diamond is dead. The BBC has this skinny:

Syd Barrett, one of the original members of legendary rock group Pink Floyd, has died at the age of 60, the band's spokesman has confirmed.

He was born Roger Keith Barrett in Cambridge in 1946 and met future bandmates Roger Waters and David Gilmour at school there.

The guitarist was invited to join Pink Floyd by Waters in 1965 and the group went on to sell millions of albums.

He suffered from diabetes and had not been recording music in recent years.

Granny Geek gets the point.

REVENUE DEPARTMENT DISSES AUDITOR CANDIDATE

Mark Wright, a Springfield lawmaker now running for Missouri auditor, was one of the House Republicans talking up a reform plan for the state's fee offices.

Wright apparently misspoke when he described a Springfield fee office agent making more than $1 million a year. That flub drew the immediate wrath of Department of Revenue boss Trish Vincent. The DoR website now features a blast against the Republican reformers and says their plan is "incomplete and uninformed." The harshness goes on:

In one of the most grievous misstatements made today about contract offices, it was asserted by Rep. Mark Wright (R, Springfield) that one contract agent made more than $1 million a year. This is clearly not accurate. The old state run Springfield office did collect close to $1 million in fees, but this is a gross number and would not account for the costs to operate an office. Under this administration’s improvements, the office has actually been divided into three separate branches, providing service across the metro area. Office hours and the state’s assistance hotline hours have also been expanded to make conducting business with the department easier for customers than ever before.

We've talked with someone with intimate knowledge of the way fee offices run; this person said overhead might eat up 50 percent of total revenues. So no, it's not a million bucks in profit -- only a half-mill. Who could survive on that paltry amount?

HOUSE REPUBLICANS FLOAT FEE-OFFICE PLAN

The on-again, off-again news conference from a handful of Republicans in the Missouri House finally happened on Monday, without the blessing of Gov. Matt Blunt, who was either too busy to meet with the lawmakers, or was given the high hand by them. Pick your spin.

The plan from Rep. Ryan Silvey calls for the Department of Revenue to "rescind all current fee agent contracts" by September 2007 and seek fresh bids. Notes from the Silvey camp, peddled to the media on Monday, outlined the process (typos and all) of who gets to bid, and in what order:

(A) First to non profit organizations and entities that have 501(c) status with the Internal Revenue Service. Types of entities would include, but not be limited to, chamber's of commerce, veterans' organizations, and local school foundations;

(B) Second to local political subdivisions. These would include, but not be limited to, county or city collectors, clerk's, or fire districts.

(C) No individual or for profit entity would be eligible for selection.

Our favorite gimmick from the plan is Point 8:

No customer shall have to wait any longer than thirty minutes for service or their fee is waved.

And your next pizza is free!

The Blunt Administration refuses to acknowledge any sort of problem with the fee offices, despite reports of an active FBI investigation. On Monday a man from the governor's revenue department was blunt: "We would disagree with the representatives' assessment that the system is broken."

JUNE ALLYSON, 88

The ghouligan point goes to JJ, who cites The Associated Press:

Movie star June Allyson, who played sunny, "perfect wife" roles opposite James Stewart and others, has died at her California home. She was 88.

Her daughter says Allyson died of pulmonary respiratory failure and acute bronchitis in Ojai. Her husband of nearly 30 years, David Ashrow, was with her.

Allyson said she was an unlikely movie star, with her lisp and raspy voice. But while World War Two G-I's pinned up sexy photos of other stars, June Allyson was the girl they wanted to marry.

Her films included "The Glenn Miller Story" and "Strategic Air Command."

The girl they wanted to marry. A nice way to be remembered.

CRITIC FOR LOCAL BLOGGERS

Evidence that southwest Missouri's blogging community is evolving (or devolving): 417 Pundit, a new local blog that promises "commentary without pity ... We expose stupidity."

The pundit's first target is Larry Litle, keeper of Simple Thoughts of a Complex Mind. Litle's sins include typos and unkempt writing. It's all pretty petty; at one point the alleged cognoscenti tees off on Litle for using "204" instead of "2004" in a sentence about the last presidential election. The pundit types:

We feel George W. Bush has been in office for an eternity, but clearly he could not have been president since 204. The U.S. didn't become the U.S. until the late 1700s. But perhaps that's too complex for Litle's simple mind.

We read Litle's blog and we rarely agree with anything he writes. Big deal. He's taking the trouble to write when he believes.

Some bloggers worry the pundit will screw up a good thing with this sort of "nonsensical hissy-fitting" (a fine phrase coined by another local writer). Not a chance.

A GOOD (KEN) LAY

Readers of the Sunday News-Leader noticed the extremely lengthy paid obituary in the local paper -- for Kenneth Lee Lay, aka That Guy Who Ruined Enron. A sample from the rewrite of history:

Ken's door was always open, whether it was to help with college funds for a child, to help a former Enron employee pay their mortgage; to help young entrepreneurs make their dreams a reality, or to give a second chance when he believed in a person. Ken could not say no to anyone needing help.

Who paid for the obit? And how much? The News-Leader's non-contract ad rate for the Sunday paper is more than $120 a column inch.

The obit encouraged readers to donate money to the church or synagogue of their choice.

JUDGE NIXES 'SANITIZED' FILMS

U.S. District Judge Richard P. Matsch made the call in a case wafting out of Utah. At least three businesses were editing DVDs and VHS tapes to remove what they didn't like -- specifically, bad language, violence and sex. They rented or sold those scrubbed flicks to people who don't want to be offended.

The businesses didn't seek permission from producers, directors or studios. The Associated Press reports:

Editing movies to delete objectionable language, sex and violence is an "illegitimate business" that hurts Hollywood studios and directors who own the movie rights, said Matsch in a decision released Thursday in Denver.

"Their (studios and directors) objective ... is to stop the infringement because of its irreparable injury to the creative artistic expression in the copyrighted movies," the judge wrote. "There is a public interest in providing such protection."

Matsch ordered the companies named in the suit, including CleanFlicks, Play It Clean Video and CleanFilms, to stop "producing, manufacturing, creating" and renting edited movies. The businesses also must turn over their inventory to the movie studios within five days of the ruling.

"We're disappointed," CleanFlicks chief executive Ray Lines said. "This is a typical case of David vs. Goliath, but in this case, Hollywood rewrote the ending. We're going to continue to fight."

And lose, as it should be. Unless they go to the trouble of getting permission from the copyright holders.

COPS: DAD FED KIDS TAINTED SOUP

All because he allegedly wanted to sue the Campbell Soup Company. Now he faces tampering and fraud charges. The Associated Press reports:

The children, a 3-year-old boy and his 18-month-old sister, were taken to hospital emergency rooms three times in January.

According to investigators, their father fed them tainted soup each time. On the third occasion, authorities said, he used the prescription drugs Prozac and Amitriptyline — both used to treat depression — making his young daughter so ill she was flow by helicopter to an Atlanta hospital.

William Allen Cunningham, 40, was charged with tampering with consumer products with reckless disregard for the risk that another person would be placed in danger of death or serious bodily injury. He also was charged with mail fraud, wire fraud and communicating false statements that a consumer product had been tampered with.

U.S. Attorney David Nahmias said Cunningham wanted to get money from the manufacturer by claiming its soup caused his children’s illnesses. Cunningham contacted Camden, N.J.-based Campbell by mail and phone to complain, but there was no evidence the soup was tainted when it was purchased, Nahmias said.

He's probably out of the running for Dad of the Year honors.

GOP FLYAROUND BACK ON FOR MONDAY

Last month some Missouri House Republicans scheduled -- and then promptly scuttled -- a series of news conferences to tout their plan to reform Missouri's fee offices, the place where people go to get their vehicle licenses renewed.

The flyaround was killed on orders of Gov. Matt Blunt, who was angered by the idea of Republicans not in lockstep with his schemes (two of Springfield's fee offices are run by the family of a fundraiser for Rep. Roy Blunt, the governor's father).

House Republicans said at the time that they were going to have "negotiations" with the governor. Come Monday, we'll find out how much hide was taken off the backsides of those House members. Fired Up Missouri reports the news conferences are back on track for Monday, July 10.

FORMER SPRINGFIELD NEWSMAN TO WCBS

The Associated Press posts this:

Dan Shelley has been named executive editor of digital media for WCBS-TV and the station's Web site, WCBSTV.com.

Station president and general manager Peter Dunn made the announcement in New York on Thursday.

Shelley, a former chairman of the Radio-Television News Directors Association, starts Monday at WCBS-TV, which is part of the CBS Television Stations Group.

"Dan brings more than 25 years of news experience, most recently leading Milwaukee's top-rated radio station in its efforts at new media integration and content integration among radio, television and online," Dunn said.

Shelley moves to WCBS from WTMJ-AM, where he served as news director and assistant program director. He was responsible for the content of all news programming, including the top-rated show, Wisconsin's Morning News. He joined the station in 1995.

This April, Shelley finished a one-year term as chairman of RTNDA, where he focused the organization on digital media.

Shelley currently serves as chairman of the Radio and Television News Director's Foundation, the education arm of RTNDA.

He also served two terms as president of both the Wisconsin Associated Press Broadcasters Executive Committee and the Missouri Associated Press Broadcasters Association.

Shelley worked 12 years as news director for KTTS-AM/FM in Springfield, Mo.

Shelley earned a degree in electronic media communications from Southwest Missouri State University, now called Missouri State University. He also taught courses in broadcast writing and performance.

Shelley was one of the best radio newsmen in the 'burg, during an era when four local stations competed vigorously for news. Congrats.

RUDE, BUT HE HAS A RIGHT

A doctor in New Hampshire has a right to be a jerk. A judge made the ruling this week and ordered a state medical board to stop disciplinary proceedings against the doc.

Dr. Terry Bennett reportedly told a patient that she was so fat, only black guys would want to date her. He told another patient that because she'd had brain surgery, maybe -- just maybe -- she ought to shoot herself.

The Associated Press reports:

Judge Edward Fitzgerald made clear in a ruling released Thursday that he did not condone remarks attributed to Dr. Terry Bennett and found them unnecessary, but ruled Bennett had a right to speak bluntly.

"It is nonetheless important ... to ensure that physicians and patients are free to discuss matters relating to health without fear of government reprisal, even if such discussions may sometimes be harsh, rude or offensive to the listener," he concluded in the ruling Wednesday.

The complaints against Bennett included charges that he told a white patient that she was so obese she might only be attractive to black men.

"Let's face it, if your husband were to die tomorrow, who would want you?" the board has said Bennett told the overweight patient in June 2004. "Well, men might want you, but not the types you want to want you. Might even be a black guy," it quoted him as saying, based on the woman's complaint.

Bennett, 68, has denied making the comment, but has said he's seen polls supporting that position.

"If you look at the polling, nobody likes fat women," he said last year. "Is it right? No. Is it sensible? No. Is it true? Yeah ... Black guys are the only group that don't mind that. Is that racist to say that?"

A 2001 complaint accused Bennett of telling a woman recovering from brain surgery to buy a pistol and shoot herself to end her suffering. The doctor was also accused of speaking harshly to a woman about how her son might have contracted hepatitis, according to the ruling.

Bennett claimed victory.

"The question now is: Will the board waste more of your and my tax dollars and appeal this, or accept done as done?" he said in a telephone interview.

The doc says he's going to sue everyone involved.

CROWD INFLATION ALIVE AND WELL IN SPRINGFIELD

One of the best e-mails we've received comes from a skeptic who urges, "Don't believe the hype."

Hype, as in crowd estimates for the James River Assembly of God "I Love America" show, held on July 4.

Our reader writes:

So, the James River guy says 115,000 people attended the event - that's basically more than two-thirds the population of Springfield and some 45,000 more than attended Firefall.

The event is on two acres. There are 43,560 square feet in an acre, or 87,120 total.

Now, my math ain't the best for sure, but ragged computation leads to about 3/4 of one square foot per person, right? Hardly enough room for some of the large Americans who attend that sort of thing to sit their butts on the ground.

Why doesn't anyone in the media apply any critical thinking to these numbers or ask for some substantiation??

Because that would require critical thinking on the part of reporters. Math, too. Way too difficult.

NORTH KOREA PREPARES TO SHOW MORE DONG

Another Taepodong-2 missile, or maybe a couple, according to various news reports. Reuters cites an NBC story claiming North Korea is putting final touches on another missile but doesn't yet have it on the launch pad. Fox reports another Taepodong-2 is ready to go, and up to four missiles may be fired soon.

In other phallic news, Joey Chestnut failed in his bid to beat trencherman Takeru Kobayashi in the Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog-Eating Contest on Coney Island. America's great Hot Dog Hope swallowed 52 in 12 minutes. Kobayashi managed 53 and three-quarters.

NO EVIDENCE OF FOUL PLAY IN LAY DEATH

Several e-mails chided us for not posting Ken Lay's death sooner. Sorry, but we were on Stockton Lake, sailing and burning. Point goes to Doc Larry for getting the first word to us.

Lay, 64, just up and died, according to CNN:

"Apparently, his heart simply gave out," said Lay's pastor, Dr. Steve Wende of Houston's First United Methodist Church.

An autopsy indicated Lay died of coronary artery disease, Mesa County, Colorado coroner Robert Kurtzman said. There was "no evidence of foul play," he added.

Jeff Skillings still faces up to 40 years in prison for driving Enron into the ground.

THE NEW PINK? HOT.

You should listen to:

Who Knew
Pink

I Want You Back
Jackson 5

Invincible
Crossfade

Tears Don't Fall
Bullet For My Valentine

Last Nite
The Strokes

Suzie
Boy Kill Boy

Saved By Zero
The Fixx

Let's Get Lifted
John Legend

Bat Out Of Hell
Meat Loaf

I'm Coming Out
Diana Ross

Three Days Grace, too. But first, sink into Pink. Delightful ear candy.

SIX MISSILES FROM NORTH KOREA

Not as ear-pleasing as dozens, scores, hundreds of mortars fired by local pyros during Fourth of July celebrations across the Ozarks. Definitely not pleasing to the ear of diplomats trying to keep North Korea on a short lease and a long fuse.

The New York Times writes the history this way:

North Korea test-fired at least six missiles over the Sea of Japan on Wednesday morning, including an intercontinental missile that apparently failed or was aborted 42 seconds after it was launched, White House and Pentagon officials said.

The small barrage of launchings, which took place over more than four hours, came in defiance of warnings from President Bush and the governments of Japan, South Korea and China. Of the launchings, which the United States and Japan condemned, intelligence officials focused most of their attention on the intercontinental missile, called the Taepodong 2, which American spy satellites have been watching on a remote launching pad for more than a month.

It is designed to be capable of reaching Alaska, and perhaps the West Coast of the United States, but American officials who tracked its launching said it fell into the Sea of Japan before its first stage burned out.

"The Taepodong obviously was a failure — that tells you something about capabilities," Stephen Hadley, President Bush's national security adviser, told reporters in a phone call on Tuesday evening in Washington. But other officials warned that even a failed launching was of some use to the North Koreans, because it will help them diagnose what went wrong with the liquid-fueled rocket.

The first launch came minutes after space shuttle Discovery blasted into the sky. Definitely an in-your-face move.

FIREFLAW

Every year more than 65,000 of your closest friends, neighbors and countryfolk gather near the airport in Springfield, Mo., for Firefall, a big fireworks show. Every year one of the local television stations airs the "Concert in the Sky" and discovers that fireworks don't make for good television.

But Firefall '06 did. Not because of the fireworks, but because people do the damndest things.

Precious moments during the broadcast on KOLR, the local CBS affiliate:

•A little girl, hands covering her ears, looking very uncomfortable at the explosions.

•Another little kid, this one tugging at the Mom, asking to go home. Or to the bathroom; our lip-reading skills aren't what they used to be.

•Lots of blah-blah-blah from Ron Spigelman, musical director of the Springfield Symphony. We're Firefall purists; we expect the conductor to conduct, not make chit-chat.

•An especially bad performance by the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band.

•Lots of expressionless faces. You know, when people are paying attention to something -- in this case, fireworks -- they usually don't make for good TV.

KOLR's anchor, David Oliver, made for the worst TV of all. He and co-anchor Joy Robertson were wearing shorts for the broadcast. She can pull it off. He cannot. Oliver's sin was in keeping a notebook in his lap for most of the broadcast, so it looked like he was naked below the waist.

But man, that Tom Trtan can sing. Somebody ought to hire him to front the Dirt Band.

THAT THERE INTERNET

"Net neutrality" continues to befuddle most consumers of information. But at least most of them understand the internet.

Not so Ted Stevens, the senior senator from Alaska, who voted against an amendment "inserting some very basic net neutrality provisions into a moving telecommunications bill," according to Wired. Stevens explained his vote, and what he understands about the internet:

There's one company now you can sign up and you can get a movie delivered to your house daily by delivery service. Okay. And currently it comes to your house, it gets put in the mail box when you get home and you change your order but you pay for that, right.

But this service isn't going to go through the internet and what you do is you just go to a place on the internet and you order your movie and guess what you can order ten of them delivered to you and the delivery charge is free.

Ten of them streaming across that internet and what happens to your own personal internet?

I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?

Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially.

So you want to talk about the consumer? Let's talk about you and me. We use this internet to communicate and we aren't using it for commercial purposes.

The audio is here. Damned tangled internet.

OZARKS FEEL TO WHITE HOUSE DINNER

The Japanese prime minister, Junichiro Koizumi, was honored at a White House dinner this week. The guest list, printed by the Washington Post, included these unusual suspects:

J.D. Crouch II, deputy national security adviser, and Kristin Crouch

Shoji Tabuchi, country music entertainer, and Christina Tabuchi

Crouch is a former Missouri State University professor, now deputy national security adviser. Kristin is his wife.

Tabuchi -- he of the famous bowl haircut and glittering Branson bathrooms -- was there with his daughter, Christina. No word whether Shoji played any Elvis for Koizumi.

LIGHTBULB REMOVED FROM WHERE THE SUN NEVER SHINES

Happy Friday! Reuters has this oddball report:

Fateh Mohammad, a prison inmate in Pakistan, says he woke up last weekend with a glass lightbulb in his anus.

Wednesday night, doctors brought Mohammad's misery to an end after a one-and-a-half hour operation to remove the object.

"Thanks Allah, now I feel comfort. Today, I had my breakfast. I was just drinking water, nothing else," Mohammad, a grey-beared man in his mid-40s, told Reuters from a hospital bed in the southern central city of Multan.

"We had to take it out intact," said Dr. Farrukh Aftab at Nishtar Hospital. "Had it been broken inside, it would be a very very complicated situation."

Mohammad, who is serving a four-year sentence for making liquor, prohibited for Muslims, said he was shocked when he was first told the cause of his discomfort. He swears he didn't know the bulb was there.

"When I woke up I felt a pain in my lower abdomen, but later in hospital, they told me this," Mohammad said.

"I don't know who did this to me. Police or other prisoners."

The doctor treating Mohammad said he'd never encountered anything like it before, and doubted the felon's story that someone had drugged him and inserted the bulb while he was comatose.

Not the weirdest thing ever discovered up there.