AUGUSTO PINOCHET, 91

The former leader of Chile was a bloody madman. He took over Chile during a coup and ruled for 17 years. Now he's dead, and Bus Plunge gets the point.

The Associated Press reports:

Supporters saw Pinochet as a Cold War hero for overthrowing democratically elected President Salvador Allende at a time when the U.S. was working to destabilize his Marxist government and keep Chile from exporting communism in Latin America.

But the world soon reacted in horror as Santiago's main soccer stadium filled with political prisoners to be tortured, shot, disappeared or forced into exile.

Pinochet's dictatorship laid the groundwork for South America's most stable economy, but his crackdown on dissent left a lasting legacy: His name has become a byword for the state terror, in many cases secretly supported by the United States, that retarded democratic change across the hemisphere.

Pinochet died with his family at his side at the Santiago Military Hospital on Sunday, a week after suffering a heart attack.

No lingering physical pain before he died, apparently. Too bad.

JEANE KIRKPATRICK, 80

The former U.S. ambassador to the United Nations was a Stephens College alum (we'll refrain from calling her a Susie). Amy from Gentle Whisper proves she's a playa in the Game of Mortality by nailing this one first.

Kirkpatrick used to be a Democrat before she fell in with the Reaganites. During her time at Stephens she was a Socialist. People change.

ROY BLUNT PLAYS IN THE GUTTER

The congressman from southwest Missouri, recently elected whip of his now-minority party, was part of the culture of kicking-back in D.C. This year, when Republicans ruled Congress and Blunt was majority whip, the workweek started Tuesday afternoon and ended Thursday afternoon.

No more, says incoming Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-Md.); he pledges a workweek that will start at 6:30 p.m. Monday and end about 2 p.m. Friday.

As this Washington Post story makes clear, Blunt views the increased work schedule as something that can by played to partisan advantage:

"They've got a lot more freshmen then we do," he said of the Democrats. "That schedule will make it incredibly difficult for those freshmen to establish themselves in their districts. So we're all for it."

Blunt helped create the shorter workweek because it allowed Republican lawmakers to shirk their duties and spend more time at home, campaigning and raising money. Now he wants freshmen Democrats to work longer hours because it'll keep them far from home and give the GOP the chance to exploit their absence. In both cases, Blunt shows how much he's forgotten and how much he's changed.

MARYLAND CAT KILLER RETURNS

Robert Tomlin, 22, was convicted last month of killing a kitten by tossing it into an outdoor fire pit. The crime happened last July outside the home he shared with his girlfriend, Kelli Green.

At the time she told cops that she and Tomlin argued; she fled, and when she returned she found Tomlin had thrown her four newborn kittens in the fire pit. Green later recanted, but she said she'd called it quits with Mr. BBQ Kitty.

Apparently she changed her mind about that one, too. The Associated Press reports Tomlin is back in jail, accused of violating probation by moving back in with Green -- and her five cats:

Tomlin could be jailed for up to 18 months, the suspended portion of a Nov. 13 sentence that included three years of supervised probation. The terms of Tomlin's probation included a provision that he have no contact with animals or pets.

No hearing date on the probation-violation charge has been set.

Tomlin pleaded guilty Nov. 13 to one count of aggravated animal cruelty stemming from a sheriff's deputy's report that the remains of a kitten were found in a smoldering outdoor fire pit at the house Tomlin shared with Green on July 2. As part of a plea bargain, the state dropped a second-degree assault charge alleging that Tomlin had hit Green.

At his sentencing Tomlin told the judge: "I committed a horrible crime, sir ... You will never see me in this court again." He was right about the first part.

GOOD RIDDANCE, RICK SANTORUM

The U.S. senator from Pennsylvania lost his reelection bid last month, in part because of his infamous bursts of verbal insanity about man-on-dog sex.

The radical right still loves Rick Santorum, however. He did not disappoint them on Wednesday when he voted against the nomination of Robert Gates to be the nation's defense secretary.

According to this Washington Post story:

Two Bush allies, Sens. Rick Santorum, R-Pa., and Jim Bunning, R-Ky., voted against Gates, citing his criticism of the war and his view that the U.S. should engage Iran as part of a solution.

"Mr. Gates has repeatedly criticized our efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan without providing any viable solutions to the problems our troops currently face," Bunning said. "We need a secretary of defense to think forward with solutions and not backward on history we cannot change."

Santorum mocked the idea of engaging dictators and talked at length of the evils of "radical Islamic fascism." When it comes to reaching out to Iran to discuss the security of Iraq, Santorum said of Gates, "I think he is in error."

Santorum still hopes to rise from the ashes of his political career and become the leader of the theocons. Beware.

TIM TIALDO IS OUTTA THERE, TOO

In the wake of Jerry Jacob's announced departure from KY3, there is far less uproar about another departure from the local NBC affiliate. Michelle Sherwood notes the resignation of Tim Tialdo, the weekend anchor. Reports Sherwood:

He will leave at the end of December to pursue other interests in the market.
He will be the new face of the Ozarks CW!
So he'll still be around, just not like he is now...

Oldsters may recall a March 2004 post (in an earlier version of CHATTER) that noted the remarkable resemblance between Tialdo and Ike, the little brother on "South Park." Others thought he was more like Miller Redfield from "Murphy Brown." Such kidders.

GEORGE HARRISON'S SISTER LIVES IN BRANSON

And she has a great piece of history. It could be yours, if you cough up around $100,000.

Louise Harrison is selling her own copy of "Meet The Beatles." The signed U.S. copy of the LP is one of only nine known to exist.

The Sunday Mirror offers:

Louise got it signed on a train to Washington DC on the band's first concert tour of America in 1964.

"I got all of them to sign it for me," said Louise, 75.

For a while, the record - one of only nine signed US albums - was housed in President Clinton's library in Little Rock, Arkansas, as part of a rock'n'roll display.

But when Louise, who lives in a trailer in Branson, Missouri, realised how much was worth she decided to sell it. She said: "I thought the best thing would be to use it to help my family."

Louise plans to split the cash between her family, environmental charities and the Liverpool Legends, a Beatles tribute band she manages.

That tribute band just finished its Branson gig at the Caravelle Theater and is off to Puerto Rico for a couple dates. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

JERRY JACOB JOINS THE ARMY

After getting the tip on Tuesday afternoon we rang a couple friends who also know Jacob and dropped the bombshell. The reaction was expected -- complete and utter disbelief, followed by a recognition of the man's fine mettle.

KY3 has the story, of course. Jacob reports for basic training in mid-January.

Absolute truth is a very rare and dangerous commodity in the context of professional journalism. Hunter Thompson said it. Jerry Jacob has lived it.

GOV BOLSTERS PHANTOM THREAT

Matt Blunt, governor of Missouri, issued a memo to department heads this week. In it he oozed reassurance, letting state workers know they will not be reprimanded for saying "Merry Christmas."

A copy of the memo turned up at PowerLine. Here 'tis:

From: Governor Matt Blunt
To: Department Directors
Date: December 4, 2006
Re: "Merry Christmas"

Last year there was a great deal of public discussion regarding the Christmas season. Specifically, we heard from those who believe that the Christmas break should be called by a non-religious name such as "Winter Holiday." They also argued that traditional Christmas greetings such as "Merry Christmas" should not be used.

Missouri state government employees should not have to worry about this matter. To ensure that there is no confusion regarding our state policy I am directing that each of you inform all members of your department that they should feel at ease using traditional holiday phrases, including "Merry Christmas" and they should have no fear of official reprisal. I also ask that you inform your staff that the objections of those who are offended by these phrases be given due consideration, but that no state employee will be reprimanded or in any way disciplined for saying "Merry Christmas."

This holiday season should not give state employees reason to feel as though they must check their religious views at the door of a government building. Instead, it is my hope that each state employee enjoys the holiday season with full confidence that their government exists to preserve their liberty rather than constrict it.

Good to know the governor is on top of such a profound, pressing problem.

COPS: HUBBY KILLED OVER WARM BEER

The shooting happened over the weekend, in a home without electricity. The Associated Press reports:

A St. Louis man was shot to death by his wife after giving her a can of warm beer, police said. The shooting happened Sunday. Names have not been released. The woman was taken into custody. The wife allegedly admitted shooting her husband, who was about 70 years old, in the kitchen of their home. The man was shot four or five times in the chest after giving his wife a can of warm Stag beer. The house was among thousands in the St. Louis area that lost power after a winter storm hit the region Thursday.

Putting the beer in the snow would have solved the warm problem. But it's still Stag, owned by Pabst, the company that also makes Schlitz, Colt 45 and Olympia.

SMELT IT, DEALT IT

WBIR in Knoxville, Tenn., reports this stinker of s story:

Flatulence brought 99 passengers on an American Airlines flight to an unscheduled visit to Nashville early Monday morning. American Flight 1053, from Washington Reagan National Airport and bound for Dallas/Fort Worth, made an emergency landing here after passengers reported smelling struck matches, said Lynne Lowrance, a spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority.

The plane landed safely. The FBI, Transportation Safety Administration and airport authority responded to the emergency, Lowrance said.

The passengers and five crew members were brought off the plane, together with all the luggage, to go through security checks again. Bomb-sniffing dogs found spent matches.

The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal body odor, Lowrance said. The woman lives near Dallas and has a medical condition.

The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane. "American has banned her for a long time," Lowrance said.

She was not charged but could have been. While it is legal to bring as many as four books of paper safety matches onto an aircraft, it is illegal to strike a match in an airplane, Lowrance said.

Lit matches and methane gas: Not the best combination, unless you're a 13-year-old boy.

VIETNAM VETERANS

The national commander of the American Legion says he's a Vietnam veteran, and most people think they know what that means -- that Paul Morin served in Vietnam during the war.

But Morin disagrees with that definition. He says he's a Vietnam veteran. He was in the Army from 1972-74. He served at Fort Dix, N.J.

The Boston Globe broke the story over the weekend, the Associated Press reports:

Neither the federal government nor the 2.7 million-member American Legion makes a formal distinction between veterans who served in Vietnam and those known as "Vietnam-era" veterans.

"I am a Vietnam veteran," Morin, of Chicopee in western Massachusetts, told the newspaper. His biography on the Legion's Web site also describes Morin as a "Vietnam veteran of the US Army."

The Legion's top spokesman, Joe March, backed Morin's position. He said any current service member stationed in the United States at present could claim to be an Iraq war veteran.

New Jersey's a long way from Saigon.

PORNAMENTS!

Shocked, we tell you. We're shocked. Spencer's, the mildly risque gift shop, is selling sexy holiday ornaments. WKMG reports:

Six controversial ornaments, which can be purchased for $9 at Spencer's stores in Jacksonville and other parts of Florida, include an X-rated snowman and reindeer.

A television station reported that the pornaments can be found on store shelves at the Regency Square Mall in Jacksonville in plain view of children and to anyone who walks into the Spencer's stores.

Store workers said that there were no restrictions on who can purchase the pornaments in the store.

"It is just sad they have to stoop to this kind of thing to defame Christmas," Hillcrest Baptist Church Rev. Jim Patterson said. "It says we are nothing more than sexual acts or physical being and we are much more than that. We are spiritual beings and this is a spiritual holiday. And, why bring it to that level. It makes no sense to me."

Dong. Dong. Dong.

CNET EDITOR, FAMILY MISSING

James Kim, his wife, Kati, and their two children were last seen on Saturday, Nov. 25, according to a CNET report. San Francisco police are investigating the disappearances.

AWW, CAT KILLERS FEEL BAD

The two men known locally as the CU cat killers have their defenders, though we do not know why this should be so.

Someone with an obvious shouting problem left this comment on a News-Leader editorial that called for criminal prosecution of the men:

I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT THIS CAT WAS NOT A HOUSE CAT! ALSO THAT THEY DID NOT KILL THIS CAT FOR THEIR OWN ENJOYMENT, ALSO THEY FELT EXTREMELY BAD FOR WHAT HAD HAPPENED! ALSO THEY DID NOT "STONE" THE CAT NONE OF THEM "STONED" THE CAT... SO IF YOU ARE GOING TO SAY RUDE AND MEAN THINGS ABOUT THESE MEN PLEASE KNOW YOUR STORY BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH...PLEASE!! I ALSO KOW FOR A FACT THAT THE WORDS THAT ARE ON THIS FOURUM ARE CUTTING THROUGH THE HEARTS OF THOSE MEN AND THERE FAMILY... AND THAT BOTH MEN REALLY DO LOVE ANIMALS... THEY FELT IT WAS BETTER TO HELP THE CAT THAT WAS HALF DEAD RATHER THAN LEAVE IT IN THERE FOR SOMEONE TO DROP ONE OF THOSE 50 POUND PLATES ON THER HEAD!! SO PLEASE WATCH YOUR WORDS!!

Words are cutting through the hearts of the cat killers? They feel extremely bad for what they've done? Good.

COMING SOON: THE SPRAY-ON CONDOM

Ain't technology grand? Though there is this unsettling graf in the Reuters story:

(Jan Vinzenz) Krause's team (spraykondom.de) is developing a type of spray can into which the man inserts his penis first. At the push of a button it is then coated in a rubber condom. "It works by spraying on latex from nozzles on all sides," he said. "We call it the '360 degree procedure' -- once round and from top to bottom. It's a bit like a car wash."

No hot-wax finish, please.

NORM IN THE STORM

If the saying is true, then the ears of Norm Ridder, superintendent for the Springfield Public Schools, were ablaze on Thursday. Ridder's decision not to cancel school because of a wicked winter storm did not endear him to many (if any) people.

Most schools across the Ozarks were closed on Thursday. By 8:30 a.m., Springfield police had issued a warning about deteriorating road conditions. by 9:50 a.m., city officials had announced the closing of Doling and Northview Family Centers because of power failures. By 10:30 a.m., Greene County had decided to close most of its offices at noon.

Springfield Public Schools waited until early afternoon before pulling the plug on the rest of the school day.

By late Thursday afternoon, enough sleet has fallen to convince Ridder to cancel Friday classes and rethink his decision to stay open on Thursday. The News-Leader reports:

"It's my screw up," said Ridder, who previously headed up a district in Colorado Springs. "I think the reason we fell apart is I didn't understand the Ozarks."

Ridder said he and several school leaders were out driving the roads around 3 and 4 in the morning. Around 7 a.m., he was not finding ice. By 8 a.m. in the northern part of the district he saw some ice on trees, and the roads were wet, but he didn’t think they were dangerous.

"I didn't understand how the ice comes in. We don't have equipment to deal with it like they do in Colorado. From my perspective it wasn't bad, but people in the Ozarks aren't used to ice, and I need to keep that in mind ... And the power outage was a nightmare. I’ve never had that before," he said.

Ridder's apology was nice. The admission that he "didn't understand the Ozarks" is sobering on several levels:

•Ridder has been here since Fall 2005, so the "new guy" excuse is over.

•The National Weather Service reported freezing rain starting at 12:52 a.m. Thursday, at least two hours before Ridder reportedly drove the streets with "several school leaders" and decided school was a go.

•Speaking of those leaders, didn't any of them warn Ridder that the Ozarks has had its share of nasty ice storms? Oldsters remember one in December 1987 that paralyzed much of the city for up to a week. Surely someone on the R-12 staff had a clue that the weather was turning bad.

Hey, Norm Ridder: Your comments to the contrary, people in the Ozarks are used to ice. You're the one who skidded out of control on Thursday.

REJECTING THE HYPE

We're the first to admit that Chris Hansen's "To Catch a Predator" reports on Dateline are compelling television (good TV! good TV!). But do they accurately reflect the size and scope of the predator population in the United States?

No. Check out this Skeptical Inquirer report on the hyping of sexual predators in America. A couple excerpts:

According to a May 3, 2006, ABC News report, "One in five children is now approached by online predators.” This alarming statistic is commonly cited in news stories about prevalence of Internet predators, but the factoid is simply wrong. The “one in five statistic" can be traced back to a 2001 Department of Justice study issued by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children ("The Youth Internet Safety Survey") that asked 1,501 American teens between 10 and 17 about their online experiences. Anyone bothering to actually read the report will find a very different picture. Among the study’s conclusions: "Almost one in five (19 percent) . . . received an unwanted sexual solicitation in the past year.” (A "sexual solicitation" is defined as a "request to engage in sexual activities or sexual talk or give personal sexual information that were unwanted or, whether wanted or not, made by an adult." Using this definition, one teen asking another teen if her or she is a virgin—or got lucky with a recent date—could be considered "sexual solicitation.")

Not a single one of the reported solicitations led to any actual sexual contact or assault. Furthermore, almost half of the “sexual solicitations" came not from "predators" or adults but from other teens—in many cases the equivalent of teen flirting. When the study examined the type of Internet "solicitation" parents are most concerned about (e.g., someone who asked to meet the teen somewhere, called the teen on the telephone, or sent gifts), the number drops from "one in five" to just 3 percent.

The report also tackles exaggerated claims that sex offenders are incurable recidivists:

The high recidivism rate among sex offenders is repeated so often that it is accepted as truth, but in fact recent studies show that the recidivism rates for sex offenses is not unusually high. According to a U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics study ("Recidivism of Sex Offenders Released from Prison in 1994"), just five percent of sex offenders followed for three years after their release from prison in 1994 were arrested for another sex crime. A study released in 2003 by the Bureau of Justice Statistics found that within three years, 3.3 percent of the released child molesters were arrested again for committing another sex crime against a child. Three to five percent is hardly a high repeat offender rate.

In the largest and most comprehensive study ever done of prison recidivism, the Justice Department found that sex offenders were in fact less likely to reoffend than other criminals. The 2003 study of nearly 10,000 men convicted of rape, sexual assault, and child molestation found that sex offenders had a re-arrest rate 25 percent lower than for all other criminals.

We've believed for a long time that the sex-offender list provide false comfort to scared parents. Most child molesters and abusers are known to their victims; the real dangers are within the victims' families, not on a list of strangers.

The odds of being burglarized in your lifetime are much greater than the odds of falling victim to an unknown sex predator. A list of burglars in your neighborhood? That would be useful information.

THAT WENT WELL

Conor Hammes met his girlfriend's parents. Later, cops say, he beat up his girlfriend's father. The Journal Times in Racine reports:

Hammes came to the area to meet his girlfriend’s parents, who live in the Town of Buchanan. They all went out for dinner, after which Hammes began acting strangely, and his girlfriend’s parents told him he should go home. His girlfriend and her mother went inside to get their things, and when they came back out they found Hammes and the father yelling. The mother asked Hammes to leave, and he swore at her. When Hammes’ girlfriend tried to step between her boyfriend and father, Hammes grabbed her by the hair and threw her to the ground.

The mother then went inside to call 911, but looked back and saw Hammes stomping and kicking her husband’s head and face. She tried to intercede and Hammes knocked her down and pulled on her hair, pulling some of it out. Hammes’ girlfriend said he became upset when her father told him he could not stay at their residence. She said she thought Hammes was going to kill her father.

When Sheriff’s Department officers arrived at the home, they found two women tending a man lying on the ground. He had a large cut on the back of his head and had lost a considerable amount of blood. He was somewhat alert, but did not respond to all of an officer’s questions. An ambulance was called to take him to the hospital. The Fire Department was called to clean up the man’s blood from the road.

Cops say Hammes also grabbed his girlfriend by the hair and threw her to the ground, before complaining that he'd hurt his hand while punching out her father.

Hammes used to be a sports star. Acording to the Journal Times, Hammes "earned an athletic appointment to play baseball for the Air Force Academy. More recently, he was an extra in 'Mr. 3000,' the baseball movie filmed at Miller Park in 2003." Now he faces five years in prison.

CAT KILLERS GET WRISTS SLAPPED

If these were kids we would insist on plenty of counseling to figure out the roots of their sick-bastard behavior. But because they're adults, two employees of Springfield's City Utilities will instead lose some pay and do 80 hours of community service for stoning a cat at work. They will not have to publicly answer the question: What in hell were you thinking?

According to a report in the News-Leader, one worker got a 30-day suspension and a demotion. The other can't be promoted for a year.

From the story:

Last Tuesday, CU launched an inquiry into allegations that its employees had stoned a cat to death. ...

International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers Local 753, the union that represents the two employees, conducted its own investigation last week and "two members stepped forward (to note) that they probably did something that was inappropriate," said Brad Stokes, IBEW Local 753's business manager.

"(The local union) has a code of excellence and we expect members to (live up to it)," Stokes said. "They have stepped up and apologized for that. They'll suffer the consequences as a result of that."

They apparently will not suffer any sort of criminal prosecution for stoning a cat to death. Neither will their names be released; a CU spokesman referred to a "personnel situation like this" in refusing to divulge the names. An earlier brief in the paper said the killing took place "at a CU facility." Where?

VHS, 30

The format was supposed to live until at least January. but retailers decided to open shelf space for other things. Variety reports:

After its youthful Betamax battles, the longer-playing VHS tapes eventually became the format of choice for millions of consumers. VHS enjoyed a lucrative career, transforming the way people watched movies and changing the economics of the film biz. VHS hit its peak with "The Lion King," which sold more than 30 million vidcassettes Stateside.

The format flourished until DVDs launched in 1997. After a fruitful career, VHS tapes started to retire from center stage in 2003 when DVDs became more popular for the first time.

Since their retirement, VHS tapes have made occasional appearances in children's entertainment and as a format for collectors seeking titles not released on DVD. VHS continued to make as much as $300 million a year until this year, when studios stopped manufacturing the tapes.

Buy a few for the holidays, hand 'em out as stocking stuffers.

THE 'BIG FISH' STILL TEACHES, PREACHES IN KEARNEY, N.J.

We made note last week of a Kearny, N.J., teacher who apparently believes his history class is a good place to do some fundamentalist preaching.

David Paszkiewicz, who also serves as a minister in a conservative Baptist church, denied the allegations made by student Matthew LaClair -- flat-out denied them during a meeting he and LaClair had with the principal. That's when LaClair revealed that he had recorded the remarks.

Paszkiewicz, the teacher, reportedly replied: "You got the big fish ... you got the big Christian guy who is a teacher!" Then he said he wouldn't say anything else until he'd talked to his union representative.

Despite proof that Paszkiewicz has violated the Establishment Clause, he's still teaching -- and his defenders seem determined to blame the student for the teacher's mistake.

The Arlington Observer, a weekly New Jersey newspaper, has published excerpts from the Paszkiewicz recording. Priceless gems, these.

Asked what should happen to a kid who doesn't have faith in Jesus Christ, Paszkiewicz replied:

"Until you're 18 years old, you have to. At 18, I'll still love you, but I won't agree with you. If a kid is 12 and says 'Dad, I don't want to go to church with you,' after I break his backside, we'll look to have a little attitude adjustment, you know?"

Yeah, sadly, we know.

During a discussion of former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, and comments made about the mainstream media being Nazi supporters, Paszkiewicz said:

"I agree with him. Members of the media are (Nazi supporters). I mean, just look at Geraldo Rivera, and Alan Colmes."

And just in case there's any sliver of a doubt whether Paszkiewicz belongs in a public-school classroom, check out this history-class statement on whether public schools should teach Scripture:

"It’s not about teaching my point of view. It's not about teaching religion. These issues will come up when we get to the 1920s (in class). The public schools shouldn't teach a religion, but the scriptures aren't a religion. (Instead), the scriptures are the foundation of the world’s religions. And yes, the Bible. We should be able to bring the Bible into the classroom and read it."

We suspect he does not feel such affection for the Koran or the Tripitaka being brought to school. We're not surprised; Paszkiewicz also believes (or at least said in class) that the generation prior to 1962 "did not have terrorism, did not have race aggression and all of that."

Blogger Jim Lippard has aggressively reported the story from the get-go, and in doing so has riled up many Paszkiewicz defenders, including some Kearny High School students. Most disturbing is the method of defense being used by these alleged Christians; they condemn LaClair, the student, for making a big deal out of what they insist is nothing (as one put it, "f--k the little bitch ass who recorded this s--t").

The teacher's supporters also show off an appalling, almost-complete ignorance of why it's wrong for a high-school history teacher to be spouting religious fundamentalism in school. He may be a minister, a righteous man, a decent fella, but when he's at Kearny High School, he's an employee and representative of the school district.

Tip of the pinhead to Lippard and his blog. Check out the mayhem yourself, and remember -- this is happening in the 21st century.

KRAMER AND O.J.

Michael Richards, the actor who played Kramer on "Seinfeld," went on "The Late Show" on Monday to spew an apology for his weekend explosion at a comedy club in California.

The skinny: Richards was heckled by a couple dudes who happen to be black. Richards freaked and dropped more than a few N-bombs (and the "N" doesn't stand for Newman, either). Someone in the audience shot vid on a cell phone. The rest is sordid pop history.

Painful as it was to watch, Richards' apology -- the act of it, at least -- was mandatory. Had he not apologized he would have been killed, gutted, roasted at 325 degrees and served up in lieu of turkey on Thursday. Andy Kaufman would have risen from the dead and smacked Richards for losing his cool. But now that he has issued his very public mea maxima culpa, Richards is free to continue his post-"Seinfeld" life. Free of the threat of a boycott, the 7th season of "Seinfeld" is cleared for huge sales. The country is safe from white men other than Quentin Tarantino dropping N-bombs, safe from bombing comedians, safer than it has been since Feb. 1, 2004, when the U.S. was attacked by Janet Jackson's right nipple.

But it is a short-lived safety; in the long run we are screwed, destined to choke on our own conniptions. We are being outraged to death. Offended to extinction.

If something offends us today we righteously insist on immediate reparations or the offensive thing must be banished, no thoughts given, no questions asked.

Fox boss Rupert Murdoch on Monday dropped the O.J. Simpson project and apologized profusely to the families of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. Murdoch said the O.J. book and TV special were "ill considered." He took pains to make sure everyone knows he was offended. He did not mention feeling this way until it became clear that his network would probably lose money on the project. No matter; having shown his outrage, Murdoch is now a Good Guy. Our nation is safe from O.J. and ready to repel any future ugliness.

Don't like the idea of a book? Scream until the publisher gives up. Don't like a planned TV special? Yell until the network surrenders. Don't like what a performer says? Complain until the person is forced to capitulate.

If we had followed this catechism in 1975, pop culture would have been saved from "News for the Hard of Hearing" on "Saturday Night Live." Another SNL skit from that year -- "Racist Word Association Interview" -- would have died in the writer's room. That year's great movie, "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," would have been condemned for its insensitive portrayal of Native Americans (not to mention the mentally ill). Judith Guest's novel, Ordinary People, may have been boycotted, instead of praised, for its brutal honesty about teen suicide and emotionally distant mothers.

Change the channel? Ignore the offensive? Don't buy the book?

Your suggestion is outrageous. Don't be offensive.

ROBERT ALTMAN, 81

The film director was 81. He made "M-A-S-H," "Nashville," "Short Cuts," "Prêt-à-Porter" and "Come Back to the Five and Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean." He also directed "Popeye," but now that he's dead, we forgive him.

Fat Jack gets the scoop and the point.

BLUNT LIVES TO WHIP ANOTHER DAY

Rep. Roy Blunt on Friday was elected as minority whip by House Republicans, who repudiated a call from their radical base to jettison every GOP House leader in the wake of the Nov. 7 election.

The Associated Press reports:

Blunt won a new term as party whip, defeating Arizona Rep. John Shadegg on a vote of 137-57. "You know, it's not our job to defend business as usual, not our job to try to define the federal government in the biggest possible way," Blunt said.

The New York Times notes that Blunt and incoming Minority Leader John Boehner of Ohio are ready to fight:

Mr. Blunt ... called on Republicans to challenge the Democrats. “We ought to be out there really with alternatives that define who they are and frankly give us a chance to once again get back to our roots,” he said.

"They" being the Democrats, of course. Why work with them on solutions when dissing is so much easier?