LINDA STEIN, 62

Former manager of The Ramones, beaten to death this week in New York. She was also "realtor to the stars." See where that gets you?

Hey ho.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

As Justin the Photog might (and did) say, Halloween is the only time of year you can order a Big Mac and get it from someone dressed as a French maid. Nothing beats Halloween.

People Paula has a compilation of all the slutty costumes you missed this year -- but Oct. 31, 2008 is just around the corner. We especially enjoy the slutty psycho outfit. Fitting on so many levels for so many people.

Enjoy your candy.

DOG SHOOTS MAN

Man shoots dog: not news. Dog shoots man: Betcha. The BBC reports:

A man out hunting in Iowa was shot in the leg after a hunting dog stepped on his gun, authorities said.

The accident happened after James Harris, 37, put his gun on the ground to retrieve a fallen pheasant.

One of a pack of hunting dogs following behind stepped on the trigger, and up to 120 birdshot pellets hit Mr Harris in the left calf at short range.

A local official told a news agency the injury was "not life-threatening, but will give him trouble for a long time".

As will his hunting buds.

WANTED: STUDS

Heidi Fleiss is looking for a few good men to "service women." The former Hollywood Madam is setting up shop in Nevada.

According to Heidi's Stud Farm, here's what they need:

We will hire 20 men and 10 on stand-by. Lady customers will be charged $250.00 an hour that will be split 50-50 to the house. Men will be able to keep all tips. They will be charged a weekly rate for a housekeeper, room, board, and food. Weekly tests for STDS and HIV are mandatory. Employees will register for a work card with the sheriff's department.

A hundred-twenty-five an hour, plus tips. Gentlemen, start your whatevers.

COVER LOVING

The American Society of Magazine Editors is out with its list of finalists for best mag cover of the year.

This one's our pick, but we're partial to The New Yorker. Other cool covers include this action shot for Skiing, and this pic of a baby in full chow-down mode.

Your favorites?

AND HE DOESN'T FLOSS

Members of the radical right continue to remove the motes from Barack Obama's eyes, while ignoring the boulders in their own vision.

A few weeks ago, it was Obama's failure to wear a flag lapel pin that upset some conservatives. Now it's Obama's -- gasp! -- failure to put his hand over his heart during the National Anthem that has some people up in arms.

The website NewsBusters picks the nit with the senator from Illinois:

Does he perhaps believe that, like wearing the flag pin, the hand on the heart isn't "true patriotism"?

Does anyone believe that putting a hand over the heart proves "true patriotism"?

REMEMBER MCLEAN STEVENSON?

Jorja Fox must not, or she wouldn't be emulating his famous career flameout. You know the routine. Actor becomes TV Star, believes the hype, goes for the big screen, fails miserably, is forever diminished. See also: David Caruso.

But the actress who plays Sara Sidle on CSI seems to have a lifeline. TV Guide reports that the show's boss is certainly Fox will return to CSI, at least as an annoyingly recurring character.

CSI bigwig Carol Mendelsohn does the it's-all-good nattering:

I respect Jorja. This is something that she wanted to do, and I would never stand in her way. She's coming back at some point anyway ... the fans will not have seen the last of Sara Sidle. Nor will Grissom.

And we liked the show (though it ain't no Dexter). Thanks for the letdown.

JOEY BISHOP, 89

The last member of Frank Sinatra's famed Rat Pack is dead. A longtime friend said the entertainer died at his home.

In 1998, Bishop remembered being with the boys:

"Are we remembered as being drunk and chasing broads?" he asked. "I never saw Frank, Dean, Sammy or Peter drunk during performances. That was only a gag. And do you believe these guys had to chase broads? They had to chase 'em away."

See ya, Joey.

TWISTERING THE NIGHT AWAY

Severe thunderstorms hit southwest Missouri Wednesday night. Some carried tornadoes that dropped from the sky and tore up the ground below.

Just before 10 p.m., and no reports of injuries. But another storm system is rolling through the Ozarks as we type. More nastiness is expected, and it could continue into early Thursday.

RONALD DOES NOT MAKE THE LIST

Feast your eyes on New York City's list of most-popular baby names for 2006:

Girls
Ashley
Emily
Isabella
Sarah
Kayla
Sophia
Mia
Madison
Brianna
Samantha

Boys
Michael
Daniel
Matthew
Joshua
Justin
David
Christopher
Joseph
Anthony
Jayden

Ashley and Emily -- cool. Michael and Daniel -- cool. Nice to know that Egypt made it to No. 151 this year.

SUNDAY GRAFS

•Guilty eyeball pleasure No. 1: This Vanity Fair article about Lou Pearlman, the man who made 'NSync and Backstreet Boys into household names. VF has sources claiming Pearlman enjoyed more than music from pretty boys:

Some, especially the teenagers, shrugged and giggled when he showed them pornographic movies or jumped naked onto their beds in the morning to wrestle and play. Others, it appears, didn't get off so easily. These were the young singers seen emerging from his bedroom late at night, buttoning their pants, sheepish looks on their faces. Some deny anything improper ever happened. But the parents of at least one, a member of the Backstreet Boys, complained. And for any number of young men who sought to join the world's greatest boy bands, Big Poppa's attentions were an open secret, the price some paid for fame.

"Some guys joked about it; I remember [one singer] asking me, 'Have you let Lou blow you yet?'" says Steve Mooney, an aspiring singer who served as Pearlman's assistant and lived in his home for two years. "I would absolutely say the guy was a sexual predator. All the talent knew what Lou's game was. If they say no, they're lying to you."

Pearlman's denying the whole thing, of course, but he's also awaiting trial for allegedly milking investors out of $300 million in a Ponzi scheme.

•Guilty eyeball pleasure No. 2: Tony Messenger's Sunday column in the News-Leader. It's about the hilarity that ensues when a radio personality is gulled into believing that the operator of a flophouse coulda woulda shoulda been in contention for a luxury hotel project next to the convention center. Best Messenger line to savor: They got part of the story almost right.

•Guilty ear pleasure: Chamillionaire's Ultimate Victory. Check "The Evening News":

We still haven't found Pac's killer, still haven't found Biggie's either,
30 minutes into the case they got tired and took a breather,
Snoop Dogg just got arrested, everyday he get a new subpoena,
Innocent when murder was the case so the prosecution got a middle finger,
Hip-Hop is sweeping the nation, but the contents seem so degrading,
Most rappers got new albums that white kids are anticipating,
If you don't like it on the radio or the television then switch the station,
Flavor Flav get a lot of ratings, Bill O'Reilly somewhere is hating,
Kanye just said WHAT? the president ain't got time for that,
The White House is going to stay white even tho' we know Obama's black,
9/11 was a calculation, and some would say it was a timed attack,
He gave a speech on CNN, "They bombed us, now we're bombing back,"
Where the heck is Osama at?

•Guilty dirty pirate hooker mouth pleasure: Caribou Coffee Snack Bars, the crack cocaine of granola bars. Or so sayeth the KB, and the man knows his granola bars.

AN HOUR LEFT TO LIVE

What would you do if you knew you had but an hour before the world ended?

According to this Reuters report, most people in Britain would be boring:

The majority of Britons questioned in a survey -- 54 percent -- said they would like to spend it either with or on the phone to their loved ones.

But the survey revealed a strong hedonistic streak -- 13 percent would sit back, accept the inevitable and reach for a glass of champagne.

Sex appealed to only nine percent while just three percent would turn to prayer.

Two percent intriguingly said they would reach for some fatty food while another two percent decided, with just an hour's life to go, that it was time to start looting.

One hour left to live means one word: Revenge.

MIND ON HIS MONEY, RAKE IN HIS HAND

Calvin Broadus, aka Snoop Dogg, has agreed to do 160 hours of community service for possessing a collapsible baton while strolling through John Wayne Airport last September. The work includes raking leaves in a park in Orange County, Calif.

The Orange County Register reports:

“He will do whatever it takes,” said Donald Etra, his attorney. “He will be making the park a better place for Orange County." ...

Etra said he did not know when Broadus will start the program, or how long it will take to complete. But the attorney added that Broadus wants to do the service quickly so he can get on with his career.

Superior Court Judge Erick L. Larsh signed off on the park plan Wednesday.

Authorities decided not to release the name of the park to avoid the possibility of a disturbance if Snoop Dogg's fans learn where he is working.

It ain't the LBC, that's for sure.

BRITNEY GOES COMMANDO, AGAIN

In case you're one of the 16 people in the world who has not seen Britney Spears' nether regions, here you go. Egotastic has the pics of Britney's latest commando raid. Not safe for work, obviously, but it's nice to know her Epilady is getting a workout.

LOVING, TOUCHING, SQUEEZING

Nine months after the ice storm, a not-unexpected side effect begins to emerge.

Babies. Lots of babies.

The story on KSPR features Cheri Meyer, a woman so brave, she allowed her huge-with-twins belly to be videotaped for television.

We don't intend to use this space to promote the workside of life, but this one's worth sharing.

STRAY LIGHTS

Jesus, where did the time go? We sit down to type, it's Thursday. We look up again and the weekend is over. Time to clean out the e-box and pass along some of the shells in our pocket:

•A shocked reader (self-proclaimed shock, and we have no reason to doubt it) points us to this News-Leader story with the instant classic hed:

Noon event to discuss lesbian oral history

Not as good as

Licking girls take titles

but pretty close.

•The New York Post says writer and permanent grouch Christopher Hitchens last week had a "full male Brazilian bikini wax," described as

the back, the crack and the sack.

Not being blessed with a hairy back -- damn the bad luck -- we conjure an image of a drunk Hitchens taking a deep pull from a fag while experiencing the bliss that is a smooth scrotum.

•Gawker clues us in on the worst parents ever, the improbably named Muffie Potter Aston and her husband, Sherrell Aston. The power couple have named their twins Bracie and Ashleigh. Nothing against Ashleigh (or Ashley, or Ashli -- or even Ashlii) -- but Bracie? No one will fault the child if she decides a Menendez moment is in order.

Life is strange right now. We never doubted it would be this way.

AN AGONIZING COLLISION

Say this, if nothing else, about the current administration -- it really does create its own reality. Not as tasty as making your own gravy (unless you believe Nick Lowe was right about that whole cruel-to-be-kind business), but it's fascinating to watch. Almost funny in a macabre way, until you realize it's happening in the United States.

Thursday's New York Times rolled with a deep, detailed story about the redefinition of torture by this country's leaders. The skinny: Congress outlawed “cruel, inhuman or degrading” treatment of prisoners. In a legal opinion, the U.S. Department of Justice agreed. But in a secret opinion, Justice said things like waterboarding, sleep deprivation, sensory overload and blows to the head are not cruel, inhuman or degrading.

Problem solved. Secrecy preserved -- until The Times opened a few windows so all of us can see what the government is doing in our names.

Do yourself a favor, if you haven't already. Read the story and go from there.

WORTH STRIPPING?

Marion Jones was a star and a hero. She won five medals -- including three golds -- in the 2000 Olympics in Sydney, Australia.

Turns out she cheated, and now her medals will probably be taken away. She's expected to plead guilty on Friday to lying to the feds about using performance-enhancing drugs. According to The New York Times:

Ms. Jones, 31 ... would become the first athlete convicted in the cases arising out of the four-year Bay Area Laboratory Co-operative investigation that has fueled a continuing series of steroid scandals in sports. Five men who manufactured, marketed or supplied the drugs to athletes have pleaded guilty, and three of them have served time in prison.

Ms. Jones is expected to plead guilty to one count of making false statements to federal agents about her use of performance-enhancing drugs and one count of making false statements to federal agents in connection with a separate check fraud case, the lawyers said.

She'll reportedly do three months in stir. She's also broke, according to The Times. And Barry Bonds is still walking around.

NO RAT'S ASS ALLOWED

The latest Seymour Hersh gospel is in print. In the New Yorker story, Hersh cites his solid sources to show the Bush Administration is preparing us for war. Again. And, no surprise, Vice President Dick Cheney is playing a huge role in readying more meat for the grinder, this time in Iran.

From the story, this disquieting graf:

At a White House meeting with Cheney this summer, according to a former senior intelligence official, it was agreed that, if limited strikes on Iran were carried out, the Administration could fend off criticism by arguing that they were a defensive action to save soldiers in Iraq. If Democrats objected, the Administration could say, “Bill Clinton did the same thing; he conducted limited strikes in Afghanistan, the Sudan, and in Baghdad to protect American lives.” The former intelligence official added, “There is a desperate effort by Cheney et al. to bring military action to Iran as soon as possible. Meanwhile, the politicians are saying, ‘You can’t do it, because every Republican is going to be defeated, and we’re only one fact from going over the cliff in Iraq.’ But Cheney doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the Republican worries, and neither does the President.”

They meant it when they called it the Long War.

AND THEY DIDN'T SMELL!

When Bill O'Reilly peeled away a corner of his public mask and allowed us a peek at what's inside -- that's when the end game began. The outcome in our post-Imus world is clear; he can kick and scream (or whine with decreasing volume), but O'Reilly is, professionally speaking, a dead man talking.

As you probably know, O'Reilly talked last week about his dinner with Al Sharpton at Sylvia's, a famous soul-food restaurant in Harlem. During his rambling, O'Reilly repeatedly expressed surprise at the lack of profanity and violence -- and at how well-behaved black people were during dinner and an Anita Baker concert.

Media Matters has the transcript of what O'Reilly said. The transcript also includes Juan Williams in his role as O'Reilly's lapdog.

Some of what O'Reilly said is truth:

I don't think there's a black American who hasn't had a personal insult that they've had to deal with because of the color of their skin. I don't think there's one in the country.

But much of what he said was steeped in an I'll-be-damned amazement -- black folks being respectful! all dressed up! not a grill in sight!

And I couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia's restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it's run by blacks, primarily black patronship.

O'Reilly is trying hard to dismiss the predictable outcry from his remarks as a sign the "liberal media" is out to get him. Like his notions about black people, O'Reilly dates himself when he peddles the "liberal media" cliche. He sounds so establishment '60s, the parent who's surprised to find his son's hippie friend isn't a grunting Commie.

In saying such things, O'Reilly proves he's a dinosaur waiting for an asteroid. His time is short.

SUPREMES ACCEPT VOTER ID CASE

Indiana requires voters to show government-issued photo identification before casting their ballots. The U.S. Supreme Court on Tuesday agreed to hear arguments on whether the law goes too far.

Linda Greenhouse of The New York Times has the money graf:

As in many constitutional disputes, the choice of standard will drive the case. If strict scrutiny applies, the state will have to show not just that voter fraud is a valid reason for requiring identification, but that impersonating a registered voter is such a serious problem in Indiana that it justifies a remedy that will predictably deter members of identifiable groups from voting at all.

Missouri's Supreme Court struck down a Voter ID law last year. The SCOTUS decision should come down next summer -- too late for the regular legislative session, but if the big dogs uphold Indiana's law, look for Missouri lawmakers to try to force a special session so they can pass a similar law and get it activated by the November election.

Supporters of Voter ID laws say we live in a society that requires identification; the "you have to show ID to write a check" argument is shopworn (and fast becoming outdated as people use debit cards to swipe away their money without every flashing a license). Writing a check isn't a right. Neither is driving. Both privileges require showing identification when asked. Voting is a right. Should government force you to show ID to exercise a right?

TOO THIN IS IN

Click this link to the UK Times and tell us -- is this beauty?

The poster girl is Isabelle Caro, a French actress. She is 27. She weighs 68 pounds after 15 years with anorexia.

New billboards in Italy show her naked. They are supposed to highlight the hell of anorexia. But they're also promoting a fashion label.

As the UK Times reports:

Her emaciated body, framed by the controversial photographer Oliviero Toscani in a campaign to coincide with Milan Fashion Week, appears alongside the slogan “No Anorexia” and the brand name Nolita, a label intended for young women.

Fashionistas hailed the poster campaign as a turning point but health experts were outraged and voiced fears that teenage girls might be encouraged to “compete for extreme thinness” after seeing the images.

“I’ve hidden myself and covered myself for too long. Now I want to show myself fearlessly, even though I know my body arouses repugnance,” Caro told the Italian edition of Vanity Fair. She said that her own troubled childhood had provoked her illness, even if some in the fashion world conceded that stereotypes promoted by the industry itself were to blame.

Nolita, an Italian clothing company, said the billboards are supposed “to use the naked body to show everyone the reality of this illness, caused in most cases by the stereotypes imposed by the world of fashion." That, and to push the brand.

BUNCHA DINKS

In Merlin, Ore., the Udink family has been stripped of its identity, thanks to bureaucrats with no sense of reality.

The Udinks have been ordered to turn in their vanity license plates because their last name could be viewed as offensive.

The Associated Press reports:

The plates, UDINK1 UDINK2 and UDINK3 are on the vehicles of Mike and Shelly Udink and their son Kalei. Two of the plates are five and seven years old. One was issued last year.

Last summer, Kawika Udink's application for UDINK4 was rejected and the state ordered that the other three plates be returned.

"DINK has several derogatory meanings," Yvonne Bell, who sits on the Department of Motorvehicles panel that approves vanity plates, told the Daily Courier newspaper.

DMV spokesman David House and Bell said the word can be treated as a verb, which gives it a sexual reference, and also can be a racial slur targeted at the Vietnamese.

Udink is a Dutch name. Hope the Hardik family doesn't have vanity plates.

WORSE THAN O.J.

No surprise that we think O.J. Simpson killed his ex-wife and her friend, Ron Goldman. Simpson, after all, never met Ron Goldman -- but somehow Goldman's blood wound up in Simpson's Bronco. Strip away the theatrics (and the sheer genius of rhyming "fit" and "acquit") and there's still only one reasonable way to explain Goldman's blood in Simpson's SUV: The Juice did it.

And Phil Spector killed a woman. Sucks. Makes us sad because we grew up admiring Spector's amazing ear, his talent for creating some of the best songs in modern pop history. Never thought he'd kill someone. Just like O.J.

The physical evidence against Spector isn't nearly as strong as it was against Simpson. What damns Spector is his peculiar history of pulling guns on people -- especially women. Several women testified at trial about Spector holding them at gunpoint. It's not a leap -- or even a half-step -- to believe that Spector did the same to Lana Clarkson, only this time the trigger was pulled.

So news of a deadlocked jury in the Spector case is puzzling, and maybe that explains why Superior Court Judge Larry Paul Fidler is making it even easier to convict Spector. As USA Today reports:

After the jury reported the impasse last week, the judge withdrew a so-called pinpoint instruction that several jurors indicated was giving them trouble.

That instruction said that in order to convict Spector the jury had to find that "the defendant must have committed an act that caused the death of Lana Clarkson," and it specified the act was pointing a gun at her, which resulted in the gun entering her mouth while in Spector's hand.

The judge decided that the instruction misstated the law by unduly limiting possibilities that the jury could consider. He gave a new instruction that included examples of inferences the jury could draw from the evidence, including the possibility that Spector forced Clarkson to place the gun in her own mouth and it went off.

If this doesn't work, maybe he'll tell jurors that if they didn't like Spector's hair, they could convict him. Anything to end this hell.