ONLY A DOLPHIN, MA'AM

Conservation International announces ... a walking shark:

Not far from the Foja Mountains, where a CI team recently discovered a "lost world" of rare plants and animals, another CI-led expedition has found a new trove of extraordinary marine biodiversity in a region known as the Bird's Head Seascape.

Among the new species were two kinds of epaulette shark (Hemiscyllium sp.) – small, slender-bodied bottom-dwellers that use their pectoral fins to "walk" across the seafloor.

Candygram.

CERTIFIABLE

The world's a little nuts on Monday. Or perhaps that's so, and we're only seeing the nut side of life.

Chris Fluharty isn't happy. The man who would be legislator -- he's running as a third-party candidate for a north Springfield seat in the Missouri General Assembly -- was profiled in a recent Brian Lewis column, and it's the lede that torqued him off:

Chris Fluharty thinks Republican voters made a big mistake. What does he know? Fair question. Fluharty isn't a Republican. He's a member of the Constitution Party. And perhaps a little crazy.

Fluharty responds in Monday's News-Leader:

I need to thank Brian Lewis for the lesson in politics and the press. I never imagined from our interviews that he would railroad the story that way. Here, I thought it was a story on a person who, in spite of cancer, a full-time job and finishing a master's degree, still is running to give the people of the 137th District a conservative choice. Instead, I found my faith and my party in the middle of an inquisition and was found to be "crazy."

No, only "perhaps crazy." But Fluharty shows he has more than a nodding acquaintance with the crazy button:

That's OK. I bet those brave American patriots were considered crazy when they declared independence from the king. I guarantee those great Southern secessionists were seen as crazy when they stood up to a tyrannical and unconstitutional president. Thank you for putting me in such great company. If loving God and state are crazy, then I am certifiable.

Crazy, baby.

PROFANITY ON KTTS

Where's the station's delay? Sunday listeners of "Cracker Barrel," the highly rated call-in show, were treated to a caller claiming that those who advocate withdrawal of troops from the Middle East are "chickens--t."

You can't make chicken salad out of it, and you're not supposed to allow it on the radio. Who dropped the KTTS ball on Sunday morning?

GOOD HIRE

A tip of the pinhead to Randy @ The Turner Report for first mentioning this bit o' media news: Pam Maples, a former News-Leader whiz, will be the next managing editor of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. Maples has been at the Dallas Morning News, according to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.

From the Post-Dispatch story:

Maples, 48, has been assistant managing editor for projects and investigations at the Morning News since 2000. Before that, she served as national editor and deputy national editor. She also has worked at the Rocky Mountain News, the Albuquerque Tribune and the Springfield (Mo.) Daily News. In 1994, she was a member of the reporting team in Dallas that won a Pulitzer Prize for international reporting for "Violence Against Women: A Question of Human Rights."

Maples is an ace. This ought to be good.

MAKING THE NEWS OFFICIAL

And we come full circle. Our recent post on Jenny Fillmer's departure from Ye Olde News-Leader -- 96 comments and counting -- now has meat to the bones.

From Saturday's News-Leader report on the hiring of Fillmer (pardon us, Jenny Fillmer Edwards) as information officer for Greene County:

Presiding Commissioner Dave Coonrod said Edwards will "be the funnel through which information about the county is disseminated to the public."

"We're probably way behind the curve on this," Coonrod said, noting that most other government entities — including city hall and public schools — already have public information officers. ...

"My goal is to help Greene County residents understand the role county government plays in their lives," [Edwards] said. "I have experience anticipating what kind of questions the public wants answered and taking complicated and nuanced information and presenting it in a way the average person can understand."

In other words, she knows how to be a reporter. She'll do fine for the county.

As for the paper: Word has it that a new political reporter starts in early October, just in time to get thrown into the frenzied peak (and pique) of the general election campaigns. We wish her luck.

PREVIEWING THE MADNESS

Next week the opponents of stem-cell research come to Springfield to make a frenzied noise.

Alan Keyes and Rick Scarborough are scheduled to speak at the Central Assembly of God church on Sept. 21. But first they made a swing through the Kansas City area, rattling the rafters in a (largely empty) church in Raytown.

Kit Wagar of KC Buzz Blog provides the color:

The event was part religious revival, part science lecture, part prayer meeting and part call to political action against the "devilish science" of early stem cell research. Whatever your position on stem cells, you had to acknowledge that these speakers were good.

All speakers agreed that taking stem cells from fertilized human eggs or by cloning cells in the lab kills a microscopic human being. Keyes compared the research to slavery. To White Europeans, he said, slavery was justified because black Africans "were not like us." The same justification fits stem cell research, Keyes said, because the people in the Petri dish "are not like us."

"Slavery was all about greed," Keyes said. "Racism was just the tool to getting the money."

He warned that the targets of unethical research today might be in a Petri dish. But know one knows if tomorrow “some demagogue will make your blond hair, your brown eyes or your black skin the basis for some kind of abuse,” Keyes said.

Scarborough stalked the stage like a panther, urging church members to go to the polls to block the initiative and stop the killing of microscopic human people. He said Christians are citizens of heaven, but citizens of the nation as well.

"Don't buy the lie that we can't preach about this," Scarborough told the ministers in attendance. The left, he said, has politicized every moral issue, "even politicizing the killing of babies."

The stem cell initiative will pass, he said, only if "the church sleeps this one out." He bemoaned the tendency for 75 percent of church members to skip voting.

“This is a hill worth dying on,” he said.

But is it worth lying about? Scarborough said Amendment 2 forces voters to "decide whether it is legal to create a human being for the purpose of destroying it." That's not what Amendment 2 proposes. Scarborough probably knows this, but his circus act would suffer if he told the truth.

ANN RICHARDS, 73

The former governor of Texas had battled cancer for some time. In 1988 she delivered a memorable address to the Democratic National Convention. Two years later, she was elected governor.

Point goes to Adrianna, who beats JJ to the death knell bell by four seconds. No, Addie, you cannot transfer your point to Mayor Dan.

REDRUM FOR TIM DRUM?

Figurative REDRUM, of course, not the literal kind. Who would want to wish any ill will or bad future on the KSPR weatherman?

Excepting KSPR boss types. Drum is out of there, according to this thread on the Missouri Radio forums. Drum was easily the best-known on-air person at the ABC affiliate.

Besides Jasmine Huda, of course. Come Friday she'll become the senior City Hall beat reporter among Springfield's press corps. Ponder that fact for a while before weeping.

AUTO VS. PEDESTRIAN CRASH

That's the headline of a news release from Grant Story, public information officer for the Springfield Police Department. As one might imagine, the auto won. From the SPD:

The crash occurred in the 700 block of south Glenstone at 9:41 p.m. on September 12. The pedestrian has been identified as Nathan J. Horne, age 29, of Springfield.

The crash occurred as a 2002 Mitsubishi Montero, operated by Nathan A. Law, age 17, of Springfield, was northbound on Glenstone in the right hand (outside) lane and Mr. Horne was walking in the area. Mr. Horne was subsequently struck by the Montero, and suffered life-threatening injuries. He was transported to St. John’s Hospital where he remains in critical condition.

If you know anything about the wreck, call police at 864-1810.

MONKEY BUSINESS

Consider this a follow-up to a recent News-Leader story about a woman and her monkey.

Published in late August, the story featured Debby Rose, a Springfield woman who "rescues and cares" for wild animals. Including Richard, a bonnet macaque. From the story:

Her near-constant companion for two years, Richard accompanies Debby to work, shops and even restaurants.

Aware that there might be questions about Richard's outings, she met with Springfield-Greene County Health Department officials.

They have received calls, says Jim Fry, coordinator of environmental health services for the department. The state does not require certification for service animals, he explains, and the Americans with Disabilities Act recognizes numerous animals help those with mental and physical disabilities.

"If she says it's a service animal, you have to allow it in or run the risk of violating the ADA regulations," he says.

Well, she said it was a service animal. But now the health department apparently disagrees.

In a memo sent to restaurants after the News-Leader story was published, Ron Lawson of the Springfield-Greene County Health Department wrote:

Due to numerous complaints and recent discussions of the definition of service animals with the U.S. Department of Justice, Civil Rights Division, this Department has made the decision not to allow Ms. Debby Rose to enter a Food Establishment with her monkey. According to the U.S. Department of Justice definition of service animals, such an animal must be able to perform a specific task for people with disabilities. It has become apparent that this monkey does not qualify as a service animal.

Please be advised that should Ms. Rose be allowed to enter your Food Establishment with her monkey, you will be in violation of the 1999 Missouri Food Code Section 6-501.115 which is a critical violation.

Restaurants in Springfield have been put on notice -- don't let the monkey darken your doorstep. If Rose doesn't comply, restaurant owners are supposed to call the health department, or the police if it's after 5 p.m.

BEARDED BEASON BEATS BASS IN BAND

Our spies at Bluesfest spotted former KY3 anchor Tony Beason and grabbed some scoop. Beason retired from the station and promptly pulled a Johnny Carson, staying clear of any media appearances.

What's he been doing? Playing bass in a band with his wife -- and giving the razor a rest. "He had a beard," our spies report. "A pretty good one, too." Nothing like ZZ Top, but certainly much more than a scrawny tangle.

Good for him.

Speaking of KY3, we hear the old on-air set has been gobbled up by City Utilities; the energy company will rehab the set and use it for their own communications projects.

One other local media note while we're at it. Our little post on the departure of News-Leader reporter Jenny Fillmer certainly struck a nerve, lanced a boil, released the hounds. Nearly 70 comments now grace the post, and man, it's good -- albeit bittersweet -- reading. Sweet because sometimes the media need tweaking. Bitter because several people from our era at the News-Leader still survive in that place, and in spite of the crap they endure, they try to thrive.

Got scoop on the local media? Drop us an e-mail and dish.

CHENEY REMAINS TRUE TO FIRST NAME

To use the always popular phrase, mistakes were made in Iraq. No one disputes this obvious fact. Except for Vice President Dick Cheney, who on Sunday insisted that Iraq had a pre-way link to al-Qaeda -- and that hindsight means nothing to him. The Financial Times reports:

He acknowledged that the US intelligence on Iraq had been poor but he appeared to put the blame on the Central Intelligence Agency, saying George Tenet, the former director of the spy agency, had told President George W. Bush that the case that Mr Hussein had weapons of mass destruction was a "slam dunk".

But he said the lack of weapons of mass destruction would not have changed the decision to invade Iraq.

"If we had to do [it] over again, we would do exactly the same thing," Mr Cheney said.

No matter the cost.

NURSE STRANGLES INTRUDER

With her bare hands. The Associated Press reports on the strange story from Oregon:

Susan Kuhnhausen, 51, ran to a neighbor's house after the confrontation Wednesday night. Police found the body of Edward Dalton Haffey 59, a convicted felon with a long police record.

Police said there was no obvious sign of forced entry at the house when Kuhnhausen, an emergency room nurse at Providence Portland Medical Center, got home from work shortly after 6 p.m.

Under Oregon law people can use reasonable deadly force when defending themselves against an intruder or burglar in their homes. Kuhnhausen was treated and released for minor injuries at Providence.

Haffey, about 5-foot-9 and 180 pounds, had convictions including conspiracy to commit aggravated murder, robbery, drug charges and possession of burglary tools. Neighbors said Kuhnhausen's size - 5-foot-7 and 260 pounds - may have given her an advantage.

"Everyone that I've talked to says 'Hurray for Susan,' said neighbor Annie Warnock, who called 911. "You didn't need to calm her. She's an emergency room nurse. She's used to dealing with crisis."

Owned by a big nurse with strong hands.

MEET THE NEW BOSS

Iraq celebrates another milestone in its march to sweet, sweet freedom. The Telegraph explains:

The brutal excesses of Saddam Hussein's regime were relived yesterday as Iraq's new government announced that it had hanged 27 prisoners convicted of terror and criminal charges.

Mass executions at Baghdad's Abu Ghraib prison, which has several gallows erected in the execution chamber, were suspended after coalition-led troops overthrew Saddam three years ago. The death penalty was reinstituted in 2004, and yesterday's executions took place just days after control of Abu Ghraib was handed over to the Iraqi authorities.

An Iraqi Justice Ministry official said two of those hanged had been convicted of terrorism charges, and the other 25 – including a woman – were convicted of murder and kidnap.

The morals that they worship are gone.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, TUPAC

Ten years ago, on Sept. 7, 1996, Tupac Shakur was shot several times in Las Vegas. He died on Sept. 13.

They just can't stand the reign
Or the occasional pain
For a man like me who goes against the grain.

SEVERED HEADS IN DISCO BAR

Five heads, all human, tossed onto a crowded dance floor in western Mexico, according to early reports. Cops say drug gangs are responsible for the littering:

"Hooded men dressed in black stormed into a bar, fired into the air and threw down five heads," said Rosaura Trujillo, a spokeswoman for the Michoacan state prosecutor's office.

The men also left a card with the message: "The family does not kill for money. It does not kill women. It does not kill innocents. It kills only those who deserve to die. Everyone take note - this is divine justice."

Sol y Sombra is the name of the club. Sun & Shade. A place to lose your head.

THE LATEST NEWS-LEADER MOVE

Jenny Fillmer, reporter for the local daily, has accepted a public-information position with the county of Greene. Fillmer, who previously worked as a reporter for KSMU, starts her new job later this month.

Good reporter. Should make a good spokesperson. Sorry to see she's leaving the paper, however. The last thing the News-Leader needs is another vacancy in its reporting ranks.

BLATANT MEDIA BIAS?

The News-Leader's editorial page editor, Tony Messenger, slammed the paper's report on a Labor Day visit by former Sen. John Edwards.

Messenger claimed the story "reads like an advertisement for the Democratic Party" and added:

There's no doubt that John Edwards appearance along with U.S. Senate candidate Claire McCaskill at a Labor Day picnic is big news and ought to be on the front page on what is generally a slow news day. But to not get any sort of Republican response is a major mistake. No doubt, either a Jim Talent spokesman or Paul Sloca of the Republican Party would have had something to say. In fact, Sloca issued a news release the morning of the event.

This is what's wrong with the modern mainstream media mindset. When a big Dem comes to town, ring up the big Repubs and ask them what they think. Why? To give the other side a free punch. There is no other reason.

Does Messenger believe Sloca or Talent would actually have something constructive to say? Of course not. The same applies when national Republicans come to town and major Dems are contacted for comment. In their quest to be "fair," "balanced" and "unbiased," many modern media outlets have instead become predictable caricatures. It's a ridiculous practice that ought to stop.

KATIE THE NEWS LADY

Hey, we dug it. Katie Couric's debut as solo anchor of the CBS Evening News brought boffo ratings to the network once known as Tiffany. Couric seemed prepared, poised.

Some critics, like Tom Shales of the Washington Post, were decidedly not impressed. Shales typed:

Couric, who began the newscast standing up and promoting what was to come, oddly wore a white blazer over a black top and skirt, the blazer buttoned in such a way as to make her look chubby, bursting at the button, which we know she isn't.

Did Shales ever write about Dan Rather's sweater and whether it made him look fat? Doubtful.

NO MISSOURI SPECIAL SESSION

The first word that comes to mind is hubris.

Rather than find common ground, Republican lawmakers in Missouri threw in the towel on Tuesday and said there will be no special session next week to restore funding for a disabled workers program.

After cutting the program in 2005, GOP lawmakers were pummeled with criticism and promised to fix the program in 2006. Tuesday, they broke that promise. The Associated Press reports:

Gov. Matt Blunt said in July that he would call a special session if lawmakers could reach consensus on a pair of Medicaid bills - one addressing fraud by medical providers, the other restoring coverage to some disabled workers. Any special session likely would have begun next week.

But Ed Martin, Blunt's new chief of staff, said Tuesday that the governor has no intention of calling a special session.

"There doesn't seem to be consensus over what the issues should be," Martin said.

State Rep. Rob Schaaf, R-St. Joseph, also said there will not be a special session. Schaaf, who was leading the House's efforts on the Medicaid fraud bill, said he discussed the legislation with sponsoring Sen. Chris Koster, R-Harrisonville, but the two could not reach a compromise.

Who cares about thousands of diabled working Missourians? Not the Republican Party. It proved that on Tuesday.

STEVE IRWIN, CROCODILE HUNTER, 44

Crikey. Reports from Australia's 7News says a stingray attack killed Irwin. It happened near Cairns. According to 7News:

"It is understood he was killed by a sting-ray barb that went through his chest," Brisbane's Courier Mail reported this afternoon.

Irwin was best known for his documentary series "The Crocodile Hunter".

He was born in Victoria and found his love of animals after following in his father's footsteps, volunteering his services to the Queensland Government's East Coast Crocodile Management program.

He spent years living on his own in the mosquito infested creeks, rivers and mangroves of North Queensland, catching huge crocodiles single-handed.

In June 1992, he married American Terri Raines after they met when she visited Irwin's Australia Zoo.

The 44-year-old is survived by his wife and two children, Bindi and Robert.

What a rip-off way for Steve Irwin to die.

NELLIE CONNALLY, 87

The last survivor of the fateful Dallas motorcase in November 1963 was the widow of John Connally, the former governor of Texas, according to the Dallas Morning News.

Yellow roses and red blood, she once said, remembering the day in Dallas.

GLENN FORD, 90

Smitty gets the point for informing us that Glenn Ford is dead. Though he was watching JJ when he caught the news, so perhaps it's a half-point to each.

Best bit to know about Ford, courtesy of the BBC:

An action man both on and off screen, he later took up hang-gliding at the age of 64 and got married for the fourth time at 76.

There is hope for all of us yet.

ROUND BULLETS

Four of them on this Thursday, as we retool and prepare for the end of summer:

•Nine years ago, Diana Spencer died in a car crash.

•The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette lets us known that pervs exist in every facet of society. Including the worlds of law enforcement and college administration.

•In New Smyrna Beach, Fla., some dude gets his jollies by tickling women. On their feet. While they're sleeping. By the way, he's also naked. WFTV has the freaky details.

•The U.S. Army meets its retention goal for the year, according to The Associated Press. How? Showing the money, baby; according to The AP, the Army paid "an average bonus of $14,000, to eligible soldiers, for a total of $610 million in extra payments."

How's you?

DUMB VS. DUMBER

Ike Skelton will, of course, win another term to Congress in Missouri's 4th District. He's being challenged by Jim Noland -- again -- and this fourth match-up will end the same way the first three did, with Skelton crushing Noland.

But that doesn't give either gentlemen a pass for some genuinely boneheaded remarks made to Dave Catanese, KYTV's political reporter. KY3's Political Notebook includes examples of why Skelton and Noland need a good spanking.

First, from Skelton, this exchange with Catanese on Iran:

When I asked Skelton if he would in any way support surgical airstrikes in parts of Iran believed to have nuclear weapons or facilities, he signaled he didn't want to talk about that.

"We don't talk about that. We hope that doesn't come to pass," Skelton replied.

When I pressed Skelton on why this topic wasn't relevant for discussion, he stopped me. "Did you hear what I said?," Skelton asked.

"We don't want to even think about that because Iran could very well be a tinderbox. I hope we can handle this Iranian problem diplomatically. It's going to be difficult but we don't need another war."

La la la, click my heels and let's not talk about it. Shameful.

Noland fares no better. Asked about the war in Iraq, Noland talked about the terrorists who "knock[ed] those towers down." Catanese called him on the misdirection; Noland said it didn't matter because "terrorists are terrorists."

And then he really started eating his own foot:

We had a different policy in World War Two than we have today. People are much freer about speaking out. We say we can't do anything about illegal aliens. Let me tell you for sure, these people were not even illegal and they weren't aliens but President Roosevelt went around and he picked up every transit, every person that was un-American in any way and put them in camps. And they stayed there until the war was over.

Is Noland saying it was good to round up Americans and put them in camps, just because they happened to be Japanese? Hope not.